To think adult life is impossible being single without a partner?

[ghnbyjh]

I've reached my late 20s without having ever been in a romantic relationship. I'm straight but never so much as hugged a man. I've just never desired it, probably a result of low self-esteem and not feeling good/attractive enough, and growing up observing emotional abuse in my parents and grandparents marriages.

I feel like I've slept walked into an impossible situation. I'm approaching 30 and don't want to be living with parents or in a house share which tends to consist of people in their early 20s starting off their careers - but they're my only 2 options. I can't afford to live alone in a flat. I never really realised how essential it is to have 2 incomes to be able to afford rent, let alone a mortgage.

AIBU to think I need to download dating apps if I want any shot at 'proper' adulthood?

Dont limit your options here to just men op. They really really ain't all that. I agree that being single is an absolute luxury many can't afford; so in your situation, buy with a female friend. It would be lovely for women if that became the norm. I've met many women and many men in my life, and women are as a cohort, imo, the far better option to live with.

My daughter is 25, single and plans to buy a flat next year. She's been saving since she was 18 to do so. Lives now with my exH, her dad (as he could afford a 4bed house after divorce - I couldn't) My exH and I have never taken bed and board money from her to enable her to save.
We are in outer London (zone 6) so prob £200k upwards for a one bed flat. It's hard yes, but doable. My daughter has managed to also finance holidays to south of France and Thailand this year and has a lively social life. She earns about £45k. Some of her single friends have been able to buy after inheriting considerable sums. A few landed very lucrative jobs after university. My neice is 30 and bought her first property at 25 too (Kent commuter belt). She now has a lovely little cottage, but also a partner.
When we were 30, my best friend bought a flat on her own in zone 3 and had a lodger (someone we knew) to help with expenses.
I feel for young people these days now though. I bought my first property at 26 (1997) with my now exH - it was £65k and is now worth half a million - zone 3 London. Crazy. My parents and his parents never charged us to live with them.
My son is 18 and will start saving as soon as he finishes studying and gets a job. I hope he will never rent. I was brought up not to pay off someone else's mortgage.
I never rented, my parents (76 and 80) never rented, bought their first property in their early 20s, in London on average salaries.
My exP rents out his two bed flat in Camden zone 2 for £2500 pm, bonkers!
I'm divorced and single now and it is hard, but at 52, at least I'm mortgage free.
Your feelings about a relationship are obviously valid. Perhaps joining on line dating would help you meet people, to see if romantic relationships are for you but please don't do it to find a person to buy/rent with.

Of course it's not impossible - how do you think single parents manage?

You just have to cut your cloth and budget accordingly which is what I find a lot of people don't/cant/wont do

No, this has nothing to do with having a partner. Many people on here will have a partner and children and live in a one income household, so be funding more people than your income needs to. My income funds myself and my partner due to various health issues.

House prices or rents do make it very difficult, and certainly compared to when I was the OPs age. I started buying a house aged 24, though not where I live now which would have been impossible even then.

However, not impossible, and certainly no reason to enter into what could be a bad relationship or worse.

Not true at all. There are lots of very happy single people with their own homes.

Well it sounds like your more concerned with the financial side of things (being able to afford your own place etc) so maybe focusing on your career would be a better option?
It’s not impossible to be able to afford to live independently, especially if you don’t have children.

As someone who is long term single and has been a single mother for many years YABU. I'm a homeowner and have only ever owned a home by myself. It's hard to be a one income household, but many people do it.

"That's great for you and you're fortunate that you like that. Many don't like sharing and that's fair enough too. Its different when it's a choice versus a necessity. I enjoyed sharing when I was younger, infact preferred it as I liked the company. Now I like my own space"

I shared for a bit in my early 30s. The people were nice, but it was VERY difficult. Once you've lived on your own you get used to having your own space and I just couldn't go back to sharing. Once I got a job I rented a small one bedroom flat in a cheap area. The cheap area did cause some problems, but sporadically and not for the whole ten years I was there.

I'm in my mid 30s and bought as I single person.

I do have a child but we split when DS was 9 months old. I was not married to my ex and we had no assets or savings to divide.

I stayed in work throughout, climbed the ladder and bought a flat. Funds are tight and I run a strict budget but we manage.

There's a big difference between those of us who are single having never been in a relationship, and those of us who are single having once been in a ten year plus relationship.

Those who never have, feel they're missing out.

Those who have, know full well they're not missing out at all!

Making - older - single women, the happiest group about.

I've been single 8 years! Total nonsense

I lived on my own from age 16 to age 28 and then from 31 until now at almost 40. I've raised a child alone since they were 1 (when I was 31)

It blows my mind when grown adults say they're incapable of living alone. 🤯

Look on rightmove
You can buy for these prices now in Penge / Sydenham / Crystal Palace.

I probably didn’t stress it but totally agree that it was not “easy” 10 years ago.

I prioritised saving and made a lot of choices (no holidays, no full price clothes, strict budgeting, side hustles) in order to buy.

And yes it is a lot easier if you have dual income you can pool but it’s not “impossible”

You do it by living with your parents if you can and saving every penny for a deposit. I did it throughout my twenties.

The days of house shares being full of people in their early 20s are long gone from what i've seen,
especially in the likes of London.
I've met people in their 30s living in house shares and the odd person who appears to be even older.
Some people are a pay cheque or even a divorce away from being a housemate tbh.

House shares aren’t full of people in their 20’s. I’ve house shared at various points in 30’s and 40’s and found it enriching and even a ready made social
life if you’re open to it.

To all those living in affordable areas: unless you are earning somewhat North of £100,000 in London and the South-East (and you do mostly need to BE there to get those earnings) you’re unlikely to be able to afford to buy anything in London or the South-East. A quick look at Zoopla for my area shows the cheapest option is a 30% share of a one-bed flat at £118,500, which would require a salary of £39,500 to get a 100% mortgage on that 30% share! Given that most young people are only just earning minimum or just above minimum wage, there is no denying that it is really difficult for a huge number of people up to their 40’s to be able to afford to buy a home. And with rentals in the same area starting from over £900 PCM for a room in a shared house, most prefer to stay at home these days…

Impossible no, different yes.
living alone like anything can come with its own benefits as well as challenges.
I think it's easier living alone when your older, like myself, and have experienced a long term relationship. When your younger it's natural to want to share your life with someone and absolutely nothing wrong with that, but l do think it kind of blinkers your vision as to other possibilities. I do agree there is still a huge amount of pressure for young people to pair up and settle down together.
Hopefully in the future being single will be accepted more of the norm, l personally think my generation still struggle with living happily alone. Most women l know don't enjoy being single and l have had to work at it to be as comfortable as l am now with my single status.
I think the best thing to do is commit to having a happy way of life wether single or partnered, life is very unpredictable and can throw lovely surprises as well as nasty shocks out way, so keep an open mind and always cover your own back.

Some of these answers are more than a bit ridiculous. I know this is MN with a demographic of high earners and middle class calibre but I don’t know many people who are single who could afford to buy or even rent single handed on ONE wage with no help from parents. I know some are high earners but there will be single shop assistants or teaching assistants. For all those people saying they need to do better and get paid more, somebody needs to do these jobs don’t they ? It’s laughable to think that my friend on 22 grand a year could afford to buy in London or the south east . Some people are showing their privilege by suggesting it is entirely so able.

The advice for your friend then @VioletSkies12, is to move to a cheaper area.

It's much harder on one wage but I really admire you!

Where are you living? If in the SE of England for goodness sake move to a friendlier place that’s cheaper.

It's not impossible, I do it as a single parent. I'm in the North West and although rents have risen they are still affordable especially for flats or 2 bed terraced houses.

If you live in London or an expensive area in the South then you need to move and build a life somewhere that is affordable for you.

@VioletSkies12

Not everyone lives in London, both my DD's have their own studio apartments, both under 25. Outside of London this is totally doable, my younger dd plans to go house shopping later next year once she has the £30k deposit she needs, she's saved it herself from her £30k a year job