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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you handle this? Large dog and teen interaction

130 replies

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:44

Firstly I don’t dislike dogs… but some owners I do. My kids like dogs, we walk a few occasionally or dog sit for friends. This isn’t an anti-dog thread before someone goes down that road…

My young teen was at the bus stop, looking for his bus that was approaching. A woman with a very large breed was next to him and the dog jumped up at my son. The dog was muzzled but the muzzle caused some minor scrapes and a mark to my sons hand. More worryingly the dog, a Belgian Malinois was large enough to knock him back. Especially as he was looking in the other direction, and hadn’t noticed she’d moved closer to him. He stumbled into the bus that was pulling away, today he has bruising to his shoulder and lower back from where the bus clipped him. It could have been worse.

She apparently asked if he was ok, he was abrupt and told her to train her dog. He was pretty shocked. She was then scowling at him and when the bus came she followed him upstairs with the dog and sat next to him. He told her to fuck off with the dog, which wasn’t being still, and went downstairs. She didn’t follow.

The dog is distinctive and so is she, a young slight woman with dyed hair. I’ve seen previous interactions. From the description I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her around. The dog is big enough to pull her around. Last time I saw them it struck me as a large untrained dog, maybe a big puppy, with limited training. I’ve seen it dragging her to chase after other dogs or into streams or to greet children. It wasn’t aggressive, but due to the size it’s a problem. She’ll be shouting at others like it’s their fault. I’ve never seen it muzzled before though.

My son is ok around dogs, not scared of dogs by the incident but he was upset by it and his bruised back from the bus is uncomfortable.

How would you follow this up? There won’t be CCTV or anything, or witnesses I believe. Son only told me when he was home around twenty minutes later. He’s an honest kid, admitted to swearing and bruising is what you’d expect from the bus. I don’t know how, but it annoys me as well as being dangerous. How would you follow up:

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 09/12/2023 19:48

Honestly I'd report to the police non emergency, if it becomes a pattern of behaviour they will need to approach her about rehoming the dog.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 19:49

You can either leave it or report the dog as out of control.

However you need teach you son how to de-escalate not escalate situations. I understand why he told her to fuck off, but it's wiser to just remove yourself from idiots like this.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:54

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 19:49

You can either leave it or report the dog as out of control.

However you need teach you son how to de-escalate not escalate situations. I understand why he told her to fuck off, but it's wiser to just remove yourself from idiots like this.

I wavered about words about language. I’d probably have sworn under the provocation, he’d been clipped by a bus. He couldn’t lean back as it was painful and then she actually followed him upstairs on a fairly empty bus with the dog. I think he’s human to have a bit of an outburst at that point. He did then remove himself. There’s a balance between not being assertive enough and being polite, he’d already tried ignoring her whilst waiting an going upstairs to avoid her. She did stop bothering him
It’s East London realistically, being quiet and hiding doesn’t always wash. I left the judgement to him as he’s not generally one to swear or get angry. It was extreme, and no one is perfect.

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 09/12/2023 19:55

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 19:49

You can either leave it or report the dog as out of control.

However you need teach you son how to de-escalate not escalate situations. I understand why he told her to fuck off, but it's wiser to just remove yourself from idiots like this.

Agree with this, he needs to learn to de escalate.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:56

44PumpLane · 09/12/2023 19:48

Honestly I'd report to the police non emergency, if it becomes a pattern of behaviour they will need to approach her about rehoming the dog.

I’m divided. Would it be re-homed ? Or is it likely to be put down? I’m not sure if the protocol. I’m concerned it could be disproportionate. The dog is untrained and unmanaged, but probably a massive puppy and it’s muzzled.

OP posts:
Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:57

MissyB1 · 09/12/2023 19:55

Agree with this, he needs to learn to de escalate.

Show quote history

That’s all you say? He’s pushed into a moving bus, injured … but if only he was polite afterwards it’s fine?

OP posts:
HollowEgg · 09/12/2023 19:57

Police, statement from bus driver, bus may have CC tv.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 19:58

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:54

I wavered about words about language. I’d probably have sworn under the provocation, he’d been clipped by a bus. He couldn’t lean back as it was painful and then she actually followed him upstairs on a fairly empty bus with the dog. I think he’s human to have a bit of an outburst at that point. He did then remove himself. There’s a balance between not being assertive enough and being polite, he’d already tried ignoring her whilst waiting an going upstairs to avoid her. She did stop bothering him
It’s East London realistically, being quiet and hiding doesn’t always wash. I left the judgement to him as he’s not generally one to swear or get angry. It was extreme, and no one is perfect.

Show quote history

It's not about judgement or swearing, it's not about hiding, it's about avoiding escalation to violence.

Young people can learn to defuse, parents can teach it.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 19:59

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:57

That’s all you say? He’s pushed into a moving bus, injured … but if only he was polite afterwards it’s fine?

Show quote history

If you live in London you must understand the risks of escalating things.

People are trying to help you protect your son.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:59

HollowEgg · 09/12/2023 19:57

Police, statement from bus driver, bus may have CC tv.

The bus didn’t stop, driver is unaware. He struck the bus side on from the kerb. The worst bruise is from the emergency stop button flap near the back door.

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:00

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:59

The bus didn’t stop, driver is unaware. He struck the bus side on from the kerb. The worst bruise is from the emergency stop button flap near the back door.

Show quote history

Many buses have CCTV on the side, pointing back from the front.

Boomboom22 · 09/12/2023 20:02

Def police and also report as out if control on the gov website. I'd do council too. Maybe tfl as well.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:04

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 19:59

If you live in London you must understand the risks of escalating things.

People are trying to help you protect your son.

Show quote history

She was a petite young woman barely his height with a muzzled dog. Ultimately, if he was a different kind of kid, the risk was to her letting her dog act like this towards hooded males. You are imagining a different situation based on maybe another experiment. He could have been much older for all she knew approaching him and unable to see his face.

OP posts:
Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:06

Boomboom22 · 09/12/2023 20:02

Def police and also report as out if control on the gov website. I'd do council too. Maybe tfl as well.

I’ll look the website up and give it to him

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 09/12/2023 20:06

The bus most likely has external cctv. You should report to the police, with the bus number and time, and also contact the bus company and ask they preserve any footage in case the police are slow to contact them.

Mumdiva99 · 09/12/2023 20:07

Sorry this happened and thank goodness it wasn't worse. It was a dangerous situation being pushed into moving traffic.

I reported a dog that snapped at me completely unprovoked as I walked past. It didn't get me but.....I had seen the dog before not being controlled properly. It didn't bite this time but this was on the school run. Next time it might have snapped at a child or a child's face. I wanted it on record what had happened. I have no idea what the outcome was, but I wouldn't have slept well if something bad happened and I had said nothing.

Qae · 09/12/2023 20:08

You need to stop complaining about the advice you’ve asked for.
what your son did was completely normal. I would report it to the authorities.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:08

Mumdiva99 · 09/12/2023 20:07

Sorry this happened and thank goodness it wasn't worse. It was a dangerous situation being pushed into moving traffic.

I reported a dog that snapped at me completely unprovoked as I walked past. It didn't get me but.....I had seen the dog before not being controlled properly. It didn't bite this time but this was on the school run. Next time it might have snapped at a child or a child's face. I wanted it on record what had happened. I have no idea what the outcome was, but I wouldn't have slept well if something bad happened and I had said nothing.

I take your point about recording the incident, I guess it could be part of a bigger picture or future threat building.

OP posts:
Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:09

Qae · 09/12/2023 20:08

You need to stop complaining about the advice you’ve asked for.
what your son did was completely normal. I would report it to the authorities.

Why ‘must’ I not respond? Have the forum rules changed? Statements are allowed as long as they aren’t replied to?

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:09

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:04

She was a petite young woman barely his height with a muzzled dog. Ultimately, if he was a different kind of kid, the risk was to her letting her dog act like this towards hooded males. You are imagining a different situation based on maybe another experiment. He could have been much older for all she knew approaching him and unable to see his face.

Show quote history

I can't understand your lack of interest in helping your kid learn to extricate himself more safely in future, but I'll bow out now.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:10

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:09

I can't understand your lack of interest in helping your kid learn to extricate himself more safely in future, but I'll bow out now.

Show quote history

People often struggle to imagine other people’s worlds and unfamiliar scenarios. Don’t worry.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 09/12/2023 20:12

Where I am we have dog wardens. If you have the same I'd ring and report it as a dog out of control. If she's around the area enough that you recognize her then a dog warden should be able to make enquiries and track her down. My assumption would be that she'll be asked to train her dog and provide proof that she's working on training it.

If he'd been an elderly person that could have resulted in a more serious injury. So I think if you don't have dog wardens then police would be reasonable.

I think under the circumstances its fair enough he told her to f off to be honest, someone following you with a large dog that's just caused you injury would be intimidating and she should have known better. My guess is she knows the dog is problematic which is why it's muzzled in the first place.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:15

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:10

People often struggle to imagine other people’s worlds and unfamiliar scenarios. Don’t worry.

Show quote history

I understand the world you describe.

I'm saying I don't understand why you're not helping your child navigate that world.

Who are that woman's family, partner, friends? You say you recognise her from the description, so she is presumably local enough to see again.

hattie43 · 09/12/2023 20:16

It's a bad situation but your son sounds horrible . She asks if he's ok he tells her to train the dog abruptly, tells her to fuck off , charming individual isn't he .
She needs to train her dog like you need to train your son .

Hellohah · 09/12/2023 20:18

@hattie43 I'll come and jump all over you, knock you into a bus causing bruises etc ... See if you don't tell me to fuck off and act like an adult?