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Original poster

How would you handle this? Large dog and teen interaction

130 replies

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:44

Firstly I don’t dislike dogs… but some owners I do. My kids like dogs, we walk a few occasionally or dog sit for friends. This isn’t an anti-dog thread before someone goes down that road…

My young teen was at the bus stop, looking for his bus that was approaching. A woman with a very large breed was next to him and the dog jumped up at my son. The dog was muzzled but the muzzle caused some minor scrapes and a mark to my sons hand. More worryingly the dog, a Belgian Malinois was large enough to knock him back. Especially as he was looking in the other direction, and hadn’t noticed she’d moved closer to him. He stumbled into the bus that was pulling away, today he has bruising to his shoulder and lower back from where the bus clipped him. It could have been worse.

She apparently asked if he was ok, he was abrupt and told her to train her dog. He was pretty shocked. She was then scowling at him and when the bus came she followed him upstairs with the dog and sat next to him. He told her to fuck off with the dog, which wasn’t being still, and went downstairs. She didn’t follow.

The dog is distinctive and so is she, a young slight woman with dyed hair. I’ve seen previous interactions. From the description I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her around. The dog is big enough to pull her around. Last time I saw them it struck me as a large untrained dog, maybe a big puppy, with limited training. I’ve seen it dragging her to chase after other dogs or into streams or to greet children. It wasn’t aggressive, but due to the size it’s a problem. She’ll be shouting at others like it’s their fault. I’ve never seen it muzzled before though.

My son is ok around dogs, not scared of dogs by the incident but he was upset by it and his bruised back from the bus is uncomfortable.

How would you follow this up? There won’t be CCTV or anything, or witnesses I believe. Son only told me when he was home around twenty minutes later. He’s an honest kid, admitted to swearing and bruising is what you’d expect from the bus. I don’t know how, but it annoys me as well as being dangerous. How would you follow up:

OP posts:
hattie43 · 09/12/2023 20:20

Hellohah · 09/12/2023 20:18

@hattie43 I'll come and jump all over you, knock you into a bus causing bruises etc ... See if you don't tell me to fuck off and act like an adult?

Edited

No that would be my reaction at all . I don't tell anyone to fuck off it's horrible .

MelsMoneyTree · 09/12/2023 20:23

OP ignore the posters trying to blame your DS and police his language after a dog jumped on him and pushed him into traffic. They're being gfs. All they want is a reaction and an argument.
As PPs have said, you should report it. Buses often have external cameras so if your DS knows the time, bus number, you can pass that information on when you report it.
You've said you see the woman and dog regularly - resist the temptation to speak to her about what happened - and tell your DS not to engage with her if he sees her again either.

Hellohah · 09/12/2023 20:25

@hattie43 really?
If I'd just assaulted and injured you, what exactly would your reaction be?

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:26

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:15

I understand the world you describe.

I'm saying I don't understand why you're not helping your child navigate that world.

Who are that woman's family, partner, friends? You say you recognise her from the description, so she is presumably local enough to see again.

Show quote history

I apologise, you are or were a teenage boy in London? If you are ï misunderstood. You can across as someone not having that experience

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 09/12/2023 20:27

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:57

That’s all you say? He’s pushed into a moving bus, injured … but if only he was polite afterwards it’s fine?

Show quote history

It’s not about being “polite” that’s not what to de escalate means. It means not inflaming an already unpleasant /potentially harmful situation. She was clearly pissed off and behaving oddly, reacting in an aggressive manner towards her may have gone badly.

If he’s injured then report it.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:28

You've said you see the woman and dog regularly - resist the temptation to speak to her about what happened - and tell your DS not to engage with her if he sees her again either. Absolutely this going forwards.

I'm not policing the language, I've just invested a lot of time trying - and that's all I can do - to teach my kids that if someone else is being goady, which sitting next to him was IMO, it is usually best not to rise to it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/12/2023 20:28

The bus will likely have CCTV both inside and pointing directly at the door outside. Especially as he was apparently hit by it.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:29

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:26

I apologise, you are or were a teenage boy in London? If you are ï misunderstood. You can across as someone not having that experience

Show quote history

Are you a teenage boy in London? I thought you were the mother of a teenage boy in London.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:30

MelsMoneyTree · 09/12/2023 20:23

OP ignore the posters trying to blame your DS and police his language after a dog jumped on him and pushed him into traffic. They're being gfs. All they want is a reaction and an argument.
As PPs have said, you should report it. Buses often have external cameras so if your DS knows the time, bus number, you can pass that information on when you report it.
You've said you see the woman and dog regularly - resist the temptation to speak to her about what happened - and tell your DS not to engage with her if he sees her again either.

Edited

I guess I reacted as it’s my bugbear on here, people imagine scenarios or adapt things to their world view then adapt it. And ignore the actual question/ point.

I think I’ll just give him the means to report and offer to help him report it as he wishes with the advice on here. Ultimately it’s his choice and he’s big enough to decide. But its helpful those who’ve answered the question, I’ll have a further chat with him

OP posts:
Fillyfrog · 09/12/2023 20:32

Please report this if you can. She can't control her dog. My friends child was severely injured by the same type of dog not very long ago and it is absolutely horrific. She may well have had reports about the dog already that's why she has muzzled him. But the more reports the better.

Wick55 · 09/12/2023 20:32

People on this site are so annoying! That stupid woman needs to be told she’s an idiot regularly maybe it will eventually get through. If your son had been pushed into the bus and got hurt or killed (heaven forbid) surely that would be manslaughter. She sounds like a total uncaring ignorant twat.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:33

Ultimately it’s his choice and he’s big enough to decide He's only 15, I think he needs more support.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:37

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:29

Are you a teenage boy in London? I thought you were the mother of a teenage boy in London.

Show quote history

I’m not. That’s why I respect his judgement and experiences a bit, and also those of his friends and others who have been. They live it. Not me. I talk to them, we have dialogue but I can respect his world is different. No one has ever got on a bus and tried to fight me for fun, or to impress their mates. No groups of boys bother people like me. No one really bothers me in comparison. People talk to me differently. If a bus terminated and left me in the dark the driver usually tells of the next bus is coming or answers me, I’m not treated like another teenager. Noone gives me an earful for no reason. This woman realistically would not have even acted this way towards me.
I’ve never had to do the big man routine to be left alone. I can walk away from the type of hassle I get, like catcalling.
There are a lot of incidents, and they are pretty much the easy to target boys who find it escalates. Being assertive and stroppy, can but not always, be the solution. As she did leave him alone after this he wasn’t proved wrong. I’m sure if she was a six foot male and being aggressive he’d have the sense to just get away very very fast.

OP posts:
MelsMoneyTree · 09/12/2023 20:38

For fun OP, you could count how many times they post after they've said they're bowing out. It's like the MN equivalent of a drinking game. One drink for every gf post. You'd be drunk before the end of the thread Xmas Wink

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:41

Wick55 · 09/12/2023 20:32

People on this site are so annoying! That stupid woman needs to be told she’s an idiot regularly maybe it will eventually get through. If your son had been pushed into the bus and got hurt or killed (heaven forbid) surely that would be manslaughter. She sounds like a total uncaring ignorant twat.

If it was an elderly person I’m sure they’d see it for what it was. A person pushed into traffic

OP posts:
Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:41

MelsMoneyTree · 09/12/2023 20:38

For fun OP, you could count how many times they post after they've said they're bowing out. It's like the MN equivalent of a drinking game. One drink for every gf post. You'd be drunk before the end of the thread Xmas Wink

Good idea….

OP posts:
jolene20 · 09/12/2023 20:43

Jesus Christ people on this thread are so delusional, probably the same weirdos that throw their dogs birthday parties. Completely ignore those. I think he handled it really well, I'd of said worse than fuck off.

Please do report this, there are far too many idiot dog owners out there with their uncontrollable dogs and if they aren't reported, nothing ever changes. Last weekend there was a big dog off lead who kept running right up to my 2 year old who we were pulling on his sledge and kept barking aggressively at him while the owners stood ages away smiling, he came over at least 3 times and even when I told them to get their stupid dog away and put it on a lead they done absolutely nothing but tell me it was a nice dog or something along those lines. I was attacked badly as a kid, unprovoked hence why I just now generally dislike the things and do not trust them one bit. I hope your son isn't too shaken, what an awful experience for him.

Lammveg · 09/12/2023 20:44

Sorry OP, this is a typical MN thread where something not really related to what you're asking is picked on over and over again.

I think your son acted well given the circumstances. I would have told her to fuck off as well.

Also I would report the incident. Doesn't matter about what happens afterwards, it just needs to be logged and the police can deal with it if needed.

Desupi · 09/12/2023 20:45

Owner of a mastiff here and I will be honest that when my dog was young she could be jumpy too. The difficulty is it takes it happening followed by the appropriate owner response to curb the behaviour. It is not helpful for people to say "you should control your dog". Young dogs are much like toddlers and are very unpredictable. It would be similar to trying to control a toddler having a tantrum and someone gives you some unsolicited advice, it can really irk you. I think she was very wrong to follow your son on the bus though. I think reporting it to the police would be quite extreme.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:47

MelsMoneyTree · 09/12/2023 20:38

For fun OP, you could count how many times they post after they've said they're bowing out. It's like the MN equivalent of a drinking game. One drink for every gf post. You'd be drunk before the end of the thread Xmas Wink

Yes I hold my hands up, it was the 'you don't understand the tough streets' that reeled me back in.

But what we have here is a parent who accepts people treat her son differently because he's a teen boy, but doesn't think it's her job to help him reflect on his instinctive behaviour to minimise the risk to him.

Reporting the dog is the easy bit to deal with.

Lammveg · 09/12/2023 20:48

Desupi · 09/12/2023 20:45

Owner of a mastiff here and I will be honest that when my dog was young she could be jumpy too. The difficulty is it takes it happening followed by the appropriate owner response to curb the behaviour. It is not helpful for people to say "you should control your dog". Young dogs are much like toddlers and are very unpredictable. It would be similar to trying to control a toddler having a tantrum and someone gives you some unsolicited advice, it can really irk you. I think she was very wrong to follow your son on the bus though. I think reporting it to the police would be quite extreme.

Is your toddler big enough/have sharp enough teeth to kill someone?

Bizarre comparison.

IhaveanewTVnow · 09/12/2023 20:49

If it had been a 15 year old girl that the dog had jumped up on you can bet that the posters complaining about your sons language would be “oh gosh , poor love, it could have scratched you”.

I understand that if the owner had been a 6 foot big bloke your son probably would have behaved differently.

it must have been very scary for your son. Report it. He might not be the first.

MysticalMegx · 09/12/2023 20:50

The fact it's muzzled in public could be because it's unpredictable and possibly attacked before.
Id report to the dog warden.
The use of your son's language is irrelevant and I don't see why everyone is making a big deal of it considering the extent of the situation, he did right speaking up and be intimidated by it.
Hope your son is okay

neilyoungismyhero · 09/12/2023 20:51

I'm a dog lover, I prefer then to a lot of people, but this isn't acceptable. The boy very fortunately escaped death or serious injury; he could have gone under the front of the bus.
She should have been more understanding about why he was so annoyed. Her dog was out of order. Mallies aren't known for their love of people beyond their family circle probably why the muzzle was being used.
She had no need to go up and sit next to him further inflaming the situation. Hope your lad is OK and yes I would report the incident.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:53

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 20:47

Yes I hold my hands up, it was the 'you don't understand the tough streets' that reeled me back in.

But what we have here is a parent who accepts people treat her son differently because he's a teen boy, but doesn't think it's her job to help him reflect on his instinctive behaviour to minimise the risk to him.

Reporting the dog is the easy bit to deal with.

Show quote history

Lol, you’re expanding it wildly and going for it. Telling one person to fuck off in annoyance and me agreeing with it in one case is now a refusal to know it’s ‘her job to help him reflect on his instinctive behaviour to minimise the risk to him.’
Next week he’ll be a traunt and starting knife fights with my backing.

I have taken the previous PP’s suggestion and poured a drink.
drink #1

OP posts: