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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you handle this? Large dog and teen interaction

130 replies

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 19:44

Firstly I don’t dislike dogs… but some owners I do. My kids like dogs, we walk a few occasionally or dog sit for friends. This isn’t an anti-dog thread before someone goes down that road…

My young teen was at the bus stop, looking for his bus that was approaching. A woman with a very large breed was next to him and the dog jumped up at my son. The dog was muzzled but the muzzle caused some minor scrapes and a mark to my sons hand. More worryingly the dog, a Belgian Malinois was large enough to knock him back. Especially as he was looking in the other direction, and hadn’t noticed she’d moved closer to him. He stumbled into the bus that was pulling away, today he has bruising to his shoulder and lower back from where the bus clipped him. It could have been worse.

She apparently asked if he was ok, he was abrupt and told her to train her dog. He was pretty shocked. She was then scowling at him and when the bus came she followed him upstairs with the dog and sat next to him. He told her to fuck off with the dog, which wasn’t being still, and went downstairs. She didn’t follow.

The dog is distinctive and so is she, a young slight woman with dyed hair. I’ve seen previous interactions. From the description I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her around. The dog is big enough to pull her around. Last time I saw them it struck me as a large untrained dog, maybe a big puppy, with limited training. I’ve seen it dragging her to chase after other dogs or into streams or to greet children. It wasn’t aggressive, but due to the size it’s a problem. She’ll be shouting at others like it’s their fault. I’ve never seen it muzzled before though.

My son is ok around dogs, not scared of dogs by the incident but he was upset by it and his bruised back from the bus is uncomfortable.

How would you follow this up? There won’t be CCTV or anything, or witnesses I believe. Son only told me when he was home around twenty minutes later. He’s an honest kid, admitted to swearing and bruising is what you’d expect from the bus. I don’t know how, but it annoys me as well as being dangerous. How would you follow up:

OP posts:
Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:55

Lammveg · 09/12/2023 20:48

Is your toddler big enough/have sharp enough teeth to kill someone?

Bizarre comparison.

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I’ll admit he was in fact a slightly loud toddler, and a bolter. However I can confirm no one was pushed into a road or jumped on in public by him 😉

OP posts:
Pooracoustics · 09/12/2023 20:55

Fillyfrog · 09/12/2023 20:32

Please report this if you can. She can't control her dog. My friends child was severely injured by the same type of dog not very long ago and it is absolutely horrific. She may well have had reports about the dog already that's why she has muzzled him. But the more reports the better.

Yes I think it’s worth reporting. A malinois, which is a fiercely intelligent and athletic dog, is definitely a breed that needs proper training. IMHO, no one should own one without a proper assessment. If it’s a puppy now and not being handled well, and it’s already jumping up and knocking people in to things, then it will no doubt do something similar or worse again.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:57

Pooracoustics · 09/12/2023 20:55

Yes I think it’s worth reporting. A malinois, which is a fiercely intelligent and athletic dog, is definitely a breed that needs proper training. IMHO, no one should own one without a proper assessment. If it’s a puppy now and not being handled well, and it’s already jumping up and knocking people in to things, then it will no doubt do something similar or worse again.

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Yes, in seriousness. I like them, they are beautiful. But they are intelligent and not really one to leave untrained. I’d never own one because I’d not be able to offer th time or focus that is fair. I feel sorry for it I guess, hence my reluctance at first to report officially I guess. I hear what others are saying though.

OP posts:
EdithStourton · 09/12/2023 21:00

AIBU being AIBU, OP. Ignore it.

I would report. It was sheer luck that this wasn't worse. Malinois are dogs that need proper training and handling, but are unfortunately on their way to being commonly found in the hands of people who have no idea.

SutWytTi · 09/12/2023 21:01

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 20:53

Lol, you’re expanding it wildly and going for it. Telling one person to fuck off in annoyance and me agreeing with it in one case is now a refusal to know it’s ‘her job to help him reflect on his instinctive behaviour to minimise the risk to him.’
Next week he’ll be a traunt and starting knife fights with my backing.

I have taken the previous PP’s suggestion and poured a drink.
drink #1

Show quote history

I don't imagine anything of the sort about your son.

I think people post here to get opinions. Sometimes they differ. I'd be more concerned about the bit where the woman followed him than the bit where the dog jumped up, because sitting next to him was deliberate. It is easy to report the dog. The woman was behaving strangely. As you say, you'd think she'd be more afraid of him. So why wasn't she?

Teen boys are extremely poor at judging risk, unfortunately, just at the age they are most at risk.

Patchworksack · 09/12/2023 21:02

Report to the police and the dog warden. It’s an offence under the dangerous dogs act to allow your dog to act in a manner likely to cause alarm, quite apart from the fact that he was injured and that it could have been so much worse. To then come and sit next to him crossed a line - she has poor control of a big intimidating breed and is using it to intimidate - it was her who should have been beyond apologetic! There will be CCTV inside the bus and quite possibly external cameras.
It’s not a stretch to assume since the dog was already muzzled it’s been in trouble before - next time it could be a little kid or an old lady.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/12/2023 21:02

So the approaching bus was not the bus your son wanted ? therefore he got on the next bus which was the one he wanted ?

Mariposista · 09/12/2023 21:05

she needs to train her dog and your son needs to train his potty mouth.

35965a · 09/12/2023 21:06

Report it to the police. The fact she followed him and sat next to him with the dog after she potentially nearly caused your son to go under the bus - it was just luck that he didn’t - is baffling and almost threatening. Police need to be involved.

gooddayruby · 09/12/2023 21:07

I think he acted in a perfectly reasonable manner, especially when she was trying to aggravate him by purposely sitting next to him and he moved away. She just nearly got him run over by a bloody bus

shearwater2 · 09/12/2023 21:10

I would applaud him for his measured reaction, it was perfect. I would have smacked her around the head and likely booted the dog as well out of fear, and I have a big dog and love dogs.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 21:11

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/12/2023 21:02

So the approaching bus was not the bus your son wanted ? therefore he got on the next bus which was the one he wanted ?

Another bus was in the distance, he was trying to see the number on it and staring ahead (it turned out not to be his).
The bus that clipped him was a terminating bus that was pulling away from the stand in front of where he was standing. Just bad timing.

OP posts:
Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 21:13

shearwater2 · 09/12/2023 21:10

I would applaud him for his measured reaction, it was perfect. I would have smacked her around the head and likely booted the dog as well out of fear, and I have a big dog and love dogs.

He did say his instinctive reaction was to kick at the dog, but he stopped himself and said to train it. He recognised that wasn’t fair in the dog, and wouldn’t have helped anything. He then stood away from them for around five minutes silently with his back to her. The following with a dog upstairs tipped him (I didn’t even think dogs were meant to be upstairs)

OP posts:
Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 21:19

35965a · 09/12/2023 21:06

Report it to the police. The fact she followed him and sat next to him with the dog after she potentially nearly caused your son to go under the bus - it was just luck that he didn’t - is baffling and almost threatening. Police need to be involved.

To be fair I don’t think she’s threatening. I’m trying to explain nicely but she’s a young short slim woman with heavy make up and a fair few facial cosmetic enhancements who doesn’t really seem the type to move fast at all. I think it was more in a getting him back to be annoying way because he’d put her mood out. She’s aggravating in her manner, but I don’t think she was out to intimidate. Just pissing him off as she was annoyed in a pretty childish way. He hadn’t really said much so I guess she thought she could.
Last time I saw her she was shouting at an owner who’d made her dog drag her into a stream and she’d got her white leggings dirty. She doesn’t come across as calculating. I’m trying to not be rude

OP posts:
EnjoythemoneyJane · 09/12/2023 21:21

I’ll join you OP, #drink 2.

100% agree with @Pooracoustics & came on to say the same. A Malinois is no joke, and one that’s knocking kids into traffic isn’t being properly trained, socialised or controlled. They’re hyper-intelligent, hyper-agile, military working dogs - at even a base level they require an absolute shitload of stimulation and exercise to prevent them becoming unhappy or problematic. Same clueless fucking idiots buy them as any other status dog. Definitely report.

Your son reacted proportionately. He’s not the problem and nor is your parenting.

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 21:24

EnjoythemoneyJane · 09/12/2023 21:21

I’ll join you OP, #drink 2.

100% agree with @Pooracoustics & came on to say the same. A Malinois is no joke, and one that’s knocking kids into traffic isn’t being properly trained, socialised or controlled. They’re hyper-intelligent, hyper-agile, military working dogs - at even a base level they require an absolute shitload of stimulation and exercise to prevent them becoming unhappy or problematic. Same clueless fucking idiots buy them as any other status dog. Definitely report.

Your son reacted proportionately. He’s not the problem and nor is your parenting.

I’ve poured drink #2!

OP posts:
EnjoythemoneyJane · 09/12/2023 21:26

MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 21:24

I’ve poured drink #2!

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Cheers 🥂

Wednesday6 · 09/12/2023 21:27

It doesn't look like she was irresponsible, her dog was muzzled, on a lead. She was probably shocked too and she apologized. You cannot predict songs behavior 100%, the dog jumped not aggressively. I don't think police would do anything. I think it's an unfortunate accident. It could have been a drunk big man falling on your son by accident. I'd let go.

Wednesday6 · 09/12/2023 21:28

Also she might have followed him to make sure he was alright. Or because the upstairs is an easier space for her to handle the dog.

Rainbowstripes · 09/12/2023 21:31

Ultimately injuries can be and are caused by muzzle punching and not all muzzles are completely bite proof. The fact the dog was wearing a muzzle doesn't make it under control and whilst it's not the dogs fault she shouldn't have put it in this position knowing it can react. I'm not an argumentative person, I'm pretty good at diffusing tense situations and I think I would have said the same if a dog lunged at me and injured me and pushed me into a bus and then to make it even worse the person followed me and didn't apologise. I'm a massive dog lover but some people don't deserve to have dogs if they don't train them (spoken from someone who has had grumpy/reactive dogs but has managed/trained them).

Original poster
MirrorBack · 09/12/2023 21:31

Wednesday6 · 09/12/2023 21:28

Also she might have followed him to make sure he was alright. Or because the upstairs is an easier space for her to handle the dog.

Well that’s worth drink #3

OP posts:
Loopylou7219 · 09/12/2023 21:31

Sounds awful OP, I hope your son is OK. Not sure why people are focusing on your poor son swearing under such awful circumstances 🙄. Would definitely get in touch with the police

Crooklodge · 09/12/2023 21:31

I'm 37 and would've reacted the same way.

Mischance · 09/12/2023 21:31

He needs to learn to de-escalate - what the actual!?

This dog has caused him physical damage - the owner knows this but deliberately follows him upstairs and plonks herself next to him! She needed telling.

forjustnow · 09/12/2023 21:36

Strangely enough, from your quite detailed description, I think I was there and your version of events are a little bit different. I'm assuming you weren't there and your son has just told you this?

Was this in East London?