To think teacher should have discussed this or waited until January?

[Clingingonbyourfingertips]

DD is in Y1. She doesn’t seem to us to be struggling academically - she reads chapter books for hours every night and can do her sibling’s Y4 maths homework. She does however struggle to concentrate on things she’s not particularly interested in at school - she’s not the last in the class to finish but her teacher says “it takes her a long time to apply herself”. We’ve wondered since she was a toddler about ADHD (our older DC is also ND) and have asked her teacher to keep an eye out and let us know if she has similar concerns.

This week we had an online parents’ evening - the kind that cuts you off after x minutes. The teacher talked for the first ten minutes about which children DD played with. In the last two minutes she told us that there were some problems she needed to discuss with us but she couldn’t discuss them with us until January.

I think that this might be the ADHD conversation. I am feeling a bit broken, to be honest. Both my DC are the lights of my life, obviously, but having one (diagnosed) ND child has been hard. The possibility that we might be embarking on a similar journey with DD feels almost overwhelming right now.

I have emailed the teacher and have explained that we are really anxious about this, and have asked if she could let us know her concerns before the holidays- I have barely slept since the conversation happened. She says that no, she is too busy with the Christmas stuff happening at school and she hasn’t got time to speak to us about it until at least the middle of January.

I really wish she’d never raised the issue if she couldn’t then tell us what the problem is for another 6 weeks. It doesn’t feel like a particularly kind thing to do - to set us off panicking but refuse to tell us what the issue is. AIBU to think she could either have told us, or just not mentioned it until she could find the time to discuss it with us?

This might not be much consolation, but ADHD referrals for children under 6 aren't accepted - I've just had some bounced back to me. However, that doesn't stop us using strategies that are recommended for children with ADHD.

As a teacher myself, I’m appalled at how she has handled this. Of course we are all busy with Christmas concerts, nativities etc but she shouldn’t have said anything if she didn’t have time to discuss it properly.

I would also not be discussing other children during a parents night. If a parent was unsure about friendship groups then I would reassure that they had friends but wouldn’t be discussing it in detail unless it was a big issue.

In your shoes, I would be contacting the head teacher and asking for a meeting. If it’s something small then it shouldn’t have been mentioned. The fact that the teacher has made it sound like a big deal and then refusing to discuss it due to time constraints is wrong.
I usually back fellow teachers but this isn’t right. I would be taking it further and making sure they have a meeting this side of Christmas.

As a ND parent of two (now late teen) ND DC and a likely undiagnosed but ND DH I hope it’s ok to say the following
Totally understand your reaction and it’s really not good to leave you hanging like that.
On the other hand if your DC is neurodiverse she will be regardless of what the teacher says in January. You know your child and you know what your mothers instinct is saying. So trust that. Maybe your DC is too young for a diagnosis but maybe you can also get the ball rolling.
Better early diagnosis than late. Do some research abd see what might help your child. I g my son always lost his work - totally stopped when his tray was a totally different color from all the other trays around it.
it will be ok. She’s still your lovely daughter and you as her mother can advocate and help her.