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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel trapped by the sodding cat

121 replies

HollyBerryCrumble · 09/12/2023 09:28

I know I am being a bit unreasonable and this is absolutely first world problems but I need to vent.

Money has been tight recently (as it has for many) as DH has been out of work so we only have my income. It’s been a tough time in many ways. In the black Friday sale I managed to find a really bargainous summer holiday on a campsite in France which I booked for August.

We have a cat. He is fine but tbh I don’t feel any real real affection for him. I make sure he is fed and gets attention, I take him to the vets, I make sure he gets his vaccinations. I find it stressful when he brings dead or half alive mice to the house and generally I would be totally fine if someone wanted to have him. I just feel like I took him on and so here we are committed for the next 15 or whatever years (he is 4).

I know from previous years that catteries get really booked up so I made enquiries. One said it would cost £670 to have him for 2 weeks in august, one said £500 but don’t want him if he is noisy. This is a massive chunk of our budget!! Cat sitters are also very expensive and they would need to let him in and out of the house (plus we would have to get the house tidy enough for them to come in which is a whole other thread). I don’t feel I can ask a neighbour this far ahead or for a full 2 weeks to come in and feed him 2 x per day. That feels like a big ask but if I don’t get something organised I will feel anxious about not having anything sorted (and yes, I do have diagnosed OCD and anxiety which I recognise is not helping).

to be completely honest, I just wish some lovely person would adopt him who would love him and not resent all the hassle and expense. Obviously I’m not going to get rid of him as I am a responsible pet owner and I made a commitment to him but I feel trapped and like we can’t have something nice because the cat makes it exorbitantly expensive!

Argh!Thank you - that feels better!

And if anyone has any pearls of wisdom for how you manage this please let me know!! Do we just try to cancel the holiday?

OP posts:
MidnightMeltdown · 09/12/2023 12:09

Offer to pay a neighbour. If there's a local teenager, even better.

It will be less expensive that a local cat sitter as they only have to pop over the road and don't need all the insurance etc.

Also you don't have to feel like you're asking a massive favour if you pay them.

ForlTonightlGodlIslalDJ · 09/12/2023 12:21

Clicked YANBU in error. Cat's are beautiful what's wrong with you?

Doyouthinktheyknow · 09/12/2023 12:30

It is a commitment and they do make holidays a little tricky.

Dcat seems to be half dog and can’t be left alone, makes it difficult. Currently I have dses at home who care for her when we go away but when they leave home it will need to be cattery or house sitter.

DH isn’t able to come to my families Christmas as someone needs to stay for the cat. Ridiculous but we all adore her😻

Itsjustmeee · 09/12/2023 12:40

My dog is going into kennels ( they are fab lovely and clean and we have used them before a few times )
He is going to stay in January for 3 weeks and it’s £20 a day
we have to supply his food but that’s it and we prefer to supply his food
Thats actually cheaper than house sitters for him or him staying in home boarding

TodayForTomorrow · 09/12/2023 12:50

Totay get what you mean. My husband had just got a puppy when I met him, having never had a house dog before (farming family), whereas I had. I hated the tie, and it was made worse because he was anxious about being left alon, especially if we were coming and going throughout the day. It had a massive impact on us and felt like our whole schedule had to be built around the dog.

I was heartbroken when we lost him, but I can't deny the relief as well.

SalmonWellington · 09/12/2023 12:52

Ask a neighbour. Offer to catsit for them in exchange when they go on holiday.

Cherry35 · 09/12/2023 12:55

Cats are very sensitive and if they don't get affection, they won't show affection back. All cats I've had are very affectionate. You should spend more time with him playing and create a bond.

On my previous holidays I left him with an acquaintance that had a cat and stayed at their house, I still gave her money though, but it was less than if he had stayed at the cattery.

I'm going on holidays and spent almost $1 K on cattery fees (my acquaintance is on holidays too so not an option) but it's worth it because I'm sure he will be well taken care of. I wouldn't hire a sitter though.

If you're not willing to create a bond with him, I would consider to give him up for adoption, they deserve to be loved and be considered a loved member of the family.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 12:56

The catteries are taking the p. £15 a day here (NW), £12 if two are sharing. Personally, dislike catteries though and use house sitters.

Going forward, try to rehome him. Lots of older people look for adult cats.

Plilywhite · 09/12/2023 12:56

I’m Home Counties, South Bucks near Greater London. £13 a day for one cat at our local cattery. We use a cat sitter or neighbour’s teenage daughter. I think you are making excuses tbh. If you have a cat flap it is very easy as they can feed twice a day or once a day if you buy £20 automatic feeder from Amazon.

Shrammed · 09/12/2023 13:01

We've found a franchise professional run service which is considerably less then catteries - google suggest there may be some home county bases similar services.

IL do if for their neighbours is around.

I'm not keen on people coming in the house - and I do stress clean and tidy before hand but every time is easier and I value both the cats and the breaks.

Pets are a tie though -something family went on about with us getting cats. DH said then they would be less a tie than the kids but pfb is now at University and I think he felt the constraint last visit as we could only spend a night away - but I wouldn't be without them and did expect/hope for 20 years with them going in.

Ragamuffin8 · 09/12/2023 13:14

“Cat in a Flat” website has details of local cat sitters in your local area. The prices are very reasonable. (There must be equivalent sites too that you can find via Google search).

OhIlovetosew · 09/12/2023 13:28

Could you find another family with a cat locally and do a reciprocal arrangement(s). Yours might be a two week stint but theirs might be odd weekends over the year.

Iloveanicegarden · 09/12/2023 13:34

We went away for Christmas and N Year over the millenium. The cattery charges were more than our holiday - normal fees doubled for 5 day period over each bank holiday.

Ihatemondays1962 · 09/12/2023 13:35

One visit a day is enough, even over 2 weeks then paying a cat sitter or local teen wouldn't work out much more than £150-200. Plenty of time to save and get things sorted.

Soozikinzii · 09/12/2023 13:37

I feed my friends cat when she goes away she just gives me her key and leaves expensive instructions it isn't onerous at all . Can you ask someone to do that for you ? She gets me a bottle of gin for the trouble so I'm happy !

AgnesX · 09/12/2023 13:37

HollyBerryCrumble · 09/12/2023 09:33

Thank you, I’m not sure about a local teenager - I will have a think.

And yes I knew cats lived for 20 years as we had cats growing up, I didn’t realise how trapped I would feel by having him or the expense of catteries and sitters though (which has gone up dramatically over the last couple of years)

Not a teenager. Proper cat-sitters will have insurance for if anything goes wrong.

Benibidibici · 09/12/2023 13:39

Pay a 14/15 year old. They'll be desperate for cash and have no other way to earn it really.

Use a timer bowl with 3 spaces so the teenager only has to pop in once a day to refill it - offer a fiver a day.

Benibidibici · 09/12/2023 13:40

Not a teenager. Proper cat-sitters will have insurance for if anything goes wrong.

"Proper cat sitters" are extortionately expensive.

Purpleavocado · 09/12/2023 13:42

If you are in Bedfordshire, the cattery I use is £18 per day.

LushNoodleSoup · 09/12/2023 13:44

OhIlovetosew · 09/12/2023 13:28

Could you find another family with a cat locally and do a reciprocal arrangement(s). Yours might be a two week stint but theirs might be odd weekends over the year.

This ^

NigelHarmansNewWife · 09/12/2023 13:44

We use a cat sitter. The benefits are that it's less stressful for the cat and someone visits the house, and takes the post in, every day we are away. We also have automatic cat feeders so the cat sitter visits once a day and sets those until she comes the next day. This means the cat's feeding routine is exactly the same as if we were there as the sitter can't visit at 7am!

Paying for pet care whilst you're away is part and parcel of having a pet. If this is not something you're prepared to do then have the cat adopted. But for goodness sake don't give it away/sell it online.

ohnoreallyagain · 09/12/2023 13:48

HouseIsOnFire · 09/12/2023 09:33

I pay my cat sitter £20 a day for 2 30 min visits, have you tried catinaflat.co.uk? The letting in/out would be tricky though - does he not have a catflap?

Generally though your post makes me feel quite sad for your cat, you make him sound very unwanted - I hope you show him more affection.

I was going to recommend that website too. We found a lovely cat sitter on there for £10 per day (in SE)

SuspiciousSue · 09/12/2023 13:49

No help whatsoever but this is exactly why we don’t have pets. On a more practical note, don’t feel bad if you decide to get him adopted. When I was a kid, we adopted a few cats and they were very loved. It’s ok and people won’t think less of you.

OdeToBarney · 09/12/2023 13:49

You need to try some more catteries. Ours is less than £20 a day, it's part of the vets. And then groom him, do his claws and tablet him. They adore him. In expensive Surrey!

snowgirl1 · 09/12/2023 13:50

Try googling for the TrustedHousesitters - you pay about £90 membership for the year, then adverstise your house with pictures of it and your cat and information about your area. People who are interested in house sitting, who've been verified, have reviews from previous house sits they've done will contact you. In return for providing the house sitter with free accommodation, you get free cat sitting. We've used it several times - we've had couples from Australia who were on a long trip to see family; we've had a couple who had moved to Spain and wanted to come back and be near their new grandchild for a visit, but not crowd their children; we've had families stay who wanted to be back near family at Christmas; we've had students who want a couple of weeks of space to get away from overcrowded houses.