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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel trapped by the sodding cat

121 replies

HollyBerryCrumble · 09/12/2023 09:28

I know I am being a bit unreasonable and this is absolutely first world problems but I need to vent.

Money has been tight recently (as it has for many) as DH has been out of work so we only have my income. It’s been a tough time in many ways. In the black Friday sale I managed to find a really bargainous summer holiday on a campsite in France which I booked for August.

We have a cat. He is fine but tbh I don’t feel any real real affection for him. I make sure he is fed and gets attention, I take him to the vets, I make sure he gets his vaccinations. I find it stressful when he brings dead or half alive mice to the house and generally I would be totally fine if someone wanted to have him. I just feel like I took him on and so here we are committed for the next 15 or whatever years (he is 4).

I know from previous years that catteries get really booked up so I made enquiries. One said it would cost £670 to have him for 2 weeks in august, one said £500 but don’t want him if he is noisy. This is a massive chunk of our budget!! Cat sitters are also very expensive and they would need to let him in and out of the house (plus we would have to get the house tidy enough for them to come in which is a whole other thread). I don’t feel I can ask a neighbour this far ahead or for a full 2 weeks to come in and feed him 2 x per day. That feels like a big ask but if I don’t get something organised I will feel anxious about not having anything sorted (and yes, I do have diagnosed OCD and anxiety which I recognise is not helping).

to be completely honest, I just wish some lovely person would adopt him who would love him and not resent all the hassle and expense. Obviously I’m not going to get rid of him as I am a responsible pet owner and I made a commitment to him but I feel trapped and like we can’t have something nice because the cat makes it exorbitantly expensive!

Argh!Thank you - that feels better!

And if anyone has any pearls of wisdom for how you manage this please let me know!! Do we just try to cancel the holiday?

OP posts:
NotDoingOk · 09/12/2023 10:11

When I was a teenager, I used to look after loads of pets during the summer when people were on their holidays. Walking dogs, feeding cats, grooming and giving medicine... I would do the rounds in my area and had a wonderful time.

SallyWD · 09/12/2023 10:12

We use Trusted Housesitters www.trustedhousesitters.com/pages/sitter-owner-testimonials-gbp/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAvdCrBhBREiwAX6-6UnuoTNeKoLEgl0-w5d0oxTitF4Yz2T7DotOivVM0pkqDOEwmLPVQpRoCjqYQAvD_BwE
You pay an initial admin fee (I think it's just over £100) then all the Housesitters are completely free. It's free for them and free for you. You might not like the idea of strangers staying in your house but honestly, they're all lovely. They all have reviews and are checked. They're all animal lovers. I much prefer to house sitter than someone who pops in for 5 minutes as my cat really lonely. He loves having someone staying there.
We go away for a month at a time in summer and it really gives me peace of mind to have someone there.

dayone · 09/12/2023 10:14

I'm in London. People charge about a tenner to pop in once a day here.
But I usually get a little group of people to share duties if we're away for a while. Friends / neighbours are usually happy to help if you're grateful and show that you're sharing the load out.

KnickerlessParsons · 09/12/2023 10:18

Get a cat flap and find a local teenager who'd like to earn some pocket money.
Or a neighbour/friend with a cat where you could return the favour - you could start a cat sitting circle (like the baby sitting circles).

CurlewKate · 09/12/2023 10:19

@readymealeater-i love the sound of your cat!

BearSoFair · 09/12/2023 10:21

Definitely ask a neighbour if you're friendly and know they like cats - over summer we fed next door's boys for a month and it was genuinely our pleasure, not a big ask at all!

Edit to clarify that 'the boys' are indeed cats 😂

QueSyrahSyrah · 09/12/2023 10:22

Those are some wildly expensive catteries OP!

£670 across a fortnight is almost £45 a day, our local ones are between £11 and £13 a day!

Livelovebehappy · 09/12/2023 10:23

Someone else who got a pet on a whim and is now feeling trapped by their choices. It is what it is. If you feel such resentment towards the cat, ask around family and work to see if someone is interested on adopting it? And please, don’t get another pet….

AutumnLeaves333 · 09/12/2023 10:27

You wouldn’t need a cat sitter to stay at your house, just drop in a couple of times a day to check in him/feed him so find someone (insured and dbs checked) who offers this kind of pet care in your area and find out how much they charge. If you’re worried about the letting in and out aspect you could start getting him used to a litter tray in advance and just keep him inside while your are away

Smartiepants79 · 09/12/2023 10:28

That is extremely expensive for a cattery. Try some different options.
I live in the Home Counties and pay under £20 a day for my cat. Our last holiday cost about £220 for 16 days.

FreshWinterMorning · 09/12/2023 10:28

YANBU to feel how you feel @HollyBerryCrumble but PLEASE get your cat rehomed somewhere where he is loved and cherished. My cat (f. aged 16,) does my head in some days as she is clingy and needy, but she is loving and affectionate and gorgeous, and some days she is not clingy and needy and is just playful and affectionate. We love her very much. She started to get a bit clingy when our other cat died aged 17 about a year and a half ago, but she can't help how she is and we do love her.

But if you have NO feelings or love for your cat, please rehome him. He's only 4, you could have another 15 years of him yet, and you will grow more resentful towards him, and it's not fair on him. Also, because he's only 4, he will be easy to rehome.

We had our cat we have now when she was 2, as her owners left their house and just left her there.. She was with Cats Protection League after a neighbour reported her abandoned 😢 She is with us now though, as we adopted her, and she has had a wonderful home for 14 years with us. 😄

Contact Cats Protection League and say for personal reasons you can no longer give him a home.

Paddington98 · 09/12/2023 10:38

Get a CatMate automatic feeder and ask a neighbour or friend to check in on him. I love my cats dearly but I know how you feel about being trapped. There are ways to make it work though.
Please don’t give him away, rescues are overflowing and you’ve made a commitment to him. Interested to know why you got a cat in the first place?

99victoria · 09/12/2023 10:39

You don't need someone to come in twice a day - once a day is fine for a cat if they have a cat flap to get in and out of the house. You just give them some wet food and then leave a bowl of dry food out. Water only needs changing once a day. My daughter and I do this for each other when we're away

hsapposhit · 09/12/2023 10:46

You can ask neighbours to come in and feed him. I have 3 neighbours who are willing to cat sit so if I'm going away for longer than a week we divide the time up. They come in once or twice a day. One person loves the cats so much she sits with them for hours! She doesn't have to though - they are perfectly fine with someone coming in and filling up their food and water bowl and emptying the litter tray.
My neighbours don't want to accept money for me and tell me every time they would do it for free, but I still give them something each time as well as a treat of some description because they are doing me a huge favour.

I'd ask neighbours first before paying for an expensive cattery.

DemelzaandRoss · 09/12/2023 10:49

@FreshWinterMorning Exactly this.

Xmasblues · 09/12/2023 11:14

YABU to say money is tight and then admit you’re going on holiday.
Obviously money is not tight for you then.

YABU to get a pet and then moan about paying the fees for when you go away - this is a big reason why people don’t get pets and something you would have discussed at the time.

As a PP said you could try the free house sitters.

Or you could see if there is a local teen in the area who would do it for much cheaper.

I used to do it for my neighbours for free and so you’d definitely be able to find someone to do it for cheap, it’s just finding someone trustworthy.

Lololulululululu · 09/12/2023 11:20

Try and rehome him on facebook? Or ask if anyone wouldtake him while you're away. I dont have a cat as we dont want the commitment, but I would love to have a cat for a week or so that I could hand back at the end. There must be lots of people like me 🤔

Orangedoris · 09/12/2023 11:22

You could try looking for someone through this cat sitter website. One visit a day starts at £10 where I live.
https://catinaflat.co.uk/

Cat in a Flat

Find A Reliable And Trusted 5-Star Cat Sitter Near You. Our Cat Sitters Offer A Drop-in Or House Sitting Service. Great Alternative To Cat Boarding.

https://catinaflat.co.uk/

Helenahandkart · 09/12/2023 11:29

We use a timed feeder so that our neighbour just comes once a day and sets it up. Having said that, I wouldn’t want to leave our cat for longer then a week.

MereDintofPandiculation · 09/12/2023 11:39

I’ve only used a paid cat sitter once, and didnt feel like going to-the effort of teaching the peculiarities of the burglar alarm. So I gave her the key to the porch and left a stash of cat food and plates. There was a cat flap into the porch and another into the house.

That was just a long weekend. For a longer trip I’d have used disposable plates, 3-day old plates waiting to be washed is one thing, 14 day old-is quite another.

lavenderlou · 09/12/2023 11:44

I agree looking on cat in a flat - they usually have reliable people. Or put a message out on your local FB group? I've enquired after cat-sitters before and some neighbours have offered to do it for free. Or a local tern might do it cheaply. We go away for 2.5 weeks and it usually costs about £250 to get a cassette tk come in so nothing like as much as the cattery you've been quoted.

tachycardigan · 09/12/2023 11:48

I just feel like I took him on and so here we are

You chose to get this cat and now you’re distancing yourself from that choice by saying you took him on, as if you’re doing someone a favour.

What were the circumstances in which you acquired him?

This is a 4yo with his whole life ahead of him, it’s sad that he’s already unwanted. How can a grown adult not understand things like pet costs and cattery costs?

Chiar · 09/12/2023 11:48

Keep looking for catteries. Those prices are mad.

We had trouble finding one at shortish notice last summer. They do get booked up. But we're in an expensive part of the south too and most of them were around £15 per day. We just had to cast a wide net to find somewhere with availability at that notice.

StormySam · 09/12/2023 12:00

We have used the same sitter for 5 years that we found through Cat In A Flat. It is weird handing your keys over to a total stranger but once you build up a relationship it's so worth it and CHEAP. The only thing I have a problem with now is the amount of daily videos of my cat he sends me while we are away to show that she is OK. I see more of her then when I'm at home 🤣

BrainInAJar · 09/12/2023 12:02

Please don't offer him for adoption on Facebook per pp suggestion. Only through a reputable charity. Cats are sometimes used as bait for training fighting dogs.