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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended

113 replies

Hammondhugh · 07/12/2023 23:53

Messages from colleague to me:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”
me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”
them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”
me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”
them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”
me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”
them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”
me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

Aibu? Do I sound unappreciative? For a side note I feel very patronised by him.

OP posts:
MadAboutThat · 08/12/2023 09:18

Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:33

okay so I see your point. But I really know this man. I feel like the way he’s saying this is that I sound unappreciative when I said “they role only came about because I didn’t get the other one” and when he said fair play I didn’t get it until 7 years that was a nudge of “mate you sound like you don’t give a flying toss” then on top of that the “you better do made me feel like I actually sounded like a pathetic and unappreciative person” not my intention!!

Show quote history

You do sound unappreciative.

You are dismissing a very real promotion, a promotion that very well may have been someone else's first choice by saying that you only got it because your company wanted to placate you after you didn't get what you wanted.

You may be saying you're happy, but literally everything else that you are saying is screaming bitter and ungrateful.

And to be honest, that's okay, if that is how you feel. But your can't then go off the deep end because you feel called out about it.

I don't agree that this guy started off insinuating that you're ungrateful either, the start of the conversation is pleasant and he spends the majority of it bigging you up. You derail it with your, quite frankly, utter nonsense about your consolation prize job role.

"You better do." Is where I feel he's started to regret the conversation, and this is where you've said you've gotten offended, but you've caused this!

Just FYI, I don't think a lot of successful businesses out there hand out promotions to people who aren't the best people for the job just because they didn't get another job they wanted.

PokeAndyInTheEye · 08/12/2023 09:30

CandyLeBonBon · 08/12/2023 09:15

Ohhh you're the poster trying to flirt (badly) with this fella.

You sound like you're in a primary school playground.

There's no need for offence and ffs if you like him just ask him out and stop playing stupid games.

Christ he’d run a mile at this point!

PerspiringElizabeth · 08/12/2023 09:32

Sounds like you’re picking a fight 😵‍💫 bizarre

KrisAkabusi · 08/12/2023 11:14

Ohhh you're the poster trying to flirt (badly) with this fella.

That's flirting?! Jesus!

Rockschooldropout · 08/12/2023 11:19

The conversation should have finished several lines earlier … he congratulated you .. a simple thank you would have sufficed - if I was the congratulator colleague I’d have been the offended one and also thought you were odd and unappreciative tbh

5128gap · 08/12/2023 11:25

Doesn't seem anything wrong with his messages to me. But you know the guy so maybe there's a tone we're missing. I would say, unless you're 100% certain of his (and everyone's else's) loyalty and goodwill towards you, I'd make that the last conversation you have about your career and feelings about it with a colleague in writing.

MuckyPlucky · 08/12/2023 11:27

Was your promotion to the role of Chief Argument Officer? If so, it was a good appointment!

NotAllWhoWanderAreLost · 08/12/2023 11:28

The joy of texts - so open to misinterpretation!!

from an outsider perspective, your colleague sounds fine, and you’re the one coming across as being a bit off.

PokeAndyInTheEye · 08/12/2023 12:42

MuckyPlucky · 08/12/2023 11:27

Was your promotion to the role of Chief Argument Officer? If so, it was a good appointment!

😂

DJhowzy · 10/12/2023 08:47

Hammondhugh · 07/12/2023 23:53

Messages from colleague to me:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”
me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”
them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”
me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”
them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”
me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”
them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”
me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

Aibu? Do I sound unappreciative? For a side note I feel very patronised by him.

Hi OP, congrats on the promotion! In answer to your question as you presented it I think YABU to be offended as do most on here. Obviously there is a lot of context omitted in your original post which you have slowly drip fed.

As others have said, convos like this should be held on the phone as this way nothing can be misinterpreted. You took it one way, the whole of MN took it another. You even said “it’s the way they said…” it was a text. They didn’t ‘say’ it any particular way. You read it how you chose the interpret it and then chose to be offended.

You will get so much more out of life, every single day, If you choose to do the opposite; be grateful for what you do have and work harder not to be offended.

Best of luck with your new role!

AgentProvocateur · 10/12/2023 08:55

I feel really sorry for anyone you’ll be managing in your new role if this is how you communicate.

Desecratedcoconut · 10/12/2023 08:56

The answers were 'Thank you" and "Appreciate the vote of confidence"...Why you turned that into such a pity fest is beyond me.

Christmasisonitsway · 10/12/2023 09:00

I wonder if you didn't get the original role due to poor attitude.

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