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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended

113 replies

Hammondhugh · 07/12/2023 23:53

Messages from colleague to me:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”
me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”
them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”
me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”
them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”
me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”
them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”
me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

Aibu? Do I sound unappreciative? For a side note I feel very patronised by him.

OP posts:
GarlicMaybeNot · 08/12/2023 02:00

You remind me of my ex-MIL. She used to thank you for a gift, then immediately tell you what was wrong with it and what you should have got her.

Firefly1987 · 08/12/2023 02:05

You sound mad at your colleague, it's not his fault you didn't get the job you wanted, don't take it out on him.

LusaBatoosa · 08/12/2023 02:08

sandyhappypeople · 08/12/2023 00:26

Politely, you're a head case op... this is how I read it:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”

me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”

all good.

them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”

even nicer, affirms that they really wanted you to get it.

me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”

You all of a sudden putting a negative spin on it saying you only got in to compensate for something else.

them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”

them, understanding your point but saying you obviously got it for a reason as they don't just hand out promotions, they themselves didn't get one till they had worked there 7 years.

me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”

you: on the road to mental town

them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”

them: you should appreciate it, they don't just hand out promotions willy nilly and you deserved yours.

me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

you: sdfhskfuxcyvohasrefguhfuiogdufidyhfvuiofgsug

I think you seriously need to work on your communications skills.

I keep scrolling back up to reread this, then laughing like a lunatic. 🤣🤣🤣

LusaBatoosa · 08/12/2023 02:09

Mayorq · 08/12/2023 00:50

"You're misunderstanding me" She stated confidently as she misunderstood every aspect off the interaction.

These comments are glorious! 🤣🤣🤣

AgentJohnson · 08/12/2023 02:11

This thread is going the same way as the conversation with your colleague. Why ask a question when you’ve already made up your mind?

momonpurpose · 08/12/2023 02:15

Aibu?
Voting 100% Yabu
No I'm not ....

WandaWonder · 08/12/2023 02:35

AgentJohnson · 08/12/2023 02:11

This thread is going the same way as the conversation with your colleague. Why ask a question when you’ve already made up your mind?

I genuinely think it would be better if people went

"vent..." only reply if you think I am right

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 08/12/2023 03:41

I hope it isn't a role where comprehension, communication and people management are important.

This one is all on you. You seem determined to have a row with absolutely no cause for it.

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 08/12/2023 04:53

Everything from your second reply onwards is unnecessary.

AlwaysGinPlease · 08/12/2023 05:10

YABU and very rude. Your replies are weird and unnecessary. Your colleague now very likely thinks you're a bit of a dick.

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy · 08/12/2023 05:12

I'm sure that colleague has now made a mental note to never text you again. You sound nuts.

Sugargliderwombat · 08/12/2023 05:25

Wow! I bet he won't message you again 🤣.

Scarletttulips · 08/12/2023 05:31

I hope you aren’t in charge of people.

RedHelenB · 08/12/2023 05:40

Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:11

He’s been there way longer than me. He’s basically saying. You got the job with 4 years less experience so don’t sound so ungrateful.

Show quote history

Sounds fair enough, you're still being unreasonable.

greencheetah · 08/12/2023 05:57

You sound like dreadfully hard work

autienotnaughty · 08/12/2023 07:33

Yeah I don't get it. He seemed pleasant, you were rude and defensive. I'd apologise if I were you.

DappledThings · 08/12/2023 07:38

when he said fair play I didn’t get it until 7 years that was a nudge of “mate you sound like you don’t give a flying toss”
It really wasn't. That's a really odd interpretation.

Tiredmum100 · 08/12/2023 08:01

Yes, yabu to be offended. Your work colleague was trying to be nice by congratulating you. It sounds like to me, he was saying you've done well getting a promotion, where as it took him 7 years. You sound like you're after an argument for the sake of it. If you were my colleague, I would avoid any un nessessary interactions with you. It wouldn't be worth the drama.

10HailMarys · 08/12/2023 08:17

Honestly, this is absolutely insane.

If this is how you communicate at work, I’m amazed you’ve still got a job, let alone a promotion.

HuntingoftheSnark · 08/12/2023 08:49

@sandyhappypeople your response was extremely amusing. Mental town 🤣. I think OP admitted unthread that she's playing hard to get, so this isn't interaction with any old random colleague. She's being consciously spiky.

PokeAndyInTheEye · 08/12/2023 08:51

You sound argumentative and annoying as fuck, I bet he wishes he’d never bothered

Grumpusaurus · 08/12/2023 08:52

Are you always this hard work? You sound insufferable.

OhpoorMe · 08/12/2023 08:54

Wait this is someone you fancy?!

JurassicFantastic · 08/12/2023 09:11

You completely misunderstood him while being certain that he was the one misunderstanding you. In the process you came across as rather aggressively looking for any argument and, frankly, crazy.

On this thread you have again completely misunderstood/not listened to what people are saying and again come across like you are looking for an argument even when people smooth things over.

You seem focused on the idea that he is saying you are unappreciative of the promotion- which he isn't. But perhaps this us such an achieves heel for you because the more you reply (to him and to us) the more it comes across that you actually are unappreciative of this promotion - you wanted a different role and feel like you've been thrown a consolation prize.

CandyLeBonBon · 08/12/2023 09:15

Ohhh you're the poster trying to flirt (badly) with this fella.

You sound like you're in a primary school playground.

There's no need for offence and ffs if you like him just ask him out and stop playing stupid games.

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