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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended

113 replies

Hammondhugh · 07/12/2023 23:53

Messages from colleague to me:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”
me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”
them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”
me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”
them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”
me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”
them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”
me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

Aibu? Do I sound unappreciative? For a side note I feel very patronised by him.

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 08/12/2023 00:19

Your comprehension seems a bit lacking, op.

Spartak · 08/12/2023 00:19

Perhaps you need to turn down the promotion if this is your reaction to a colleague congratulating you? It doesn't sound as if you are ready for it.

Jztbrzzsy · 08/12/2023 00:23

You're itching for a fight and making a big deal out of nothing. Why let people bother you like this? It's bad for your blood pressure.

LittleGreenDragons · 08/12/2023 00:24

Your colleague was being nice and supportive.

You come across as an arse. I hope you apologise to them tomorrow!

MumblesParty · 08/12/2023 00:25

Your colleague is probably baffled at why you’re being so stroppy about him congratulating you and saying how amazing you are. If I was him I’d be wondering if management had made a bad decision promoting you!

Jacfrost · 08/12/2023 00:25

StarlightLime · 08/12/2023 00:19

Your comprehension seems a bit lacking, op.

Probably why she didn't get the lead role...

Fedupbeingworriedallthegoddamntime · 08/12/2023 00:25

Yep you owe him an apology.

Redglitter · 08/12/2023 00:26

I bet that poor guy never congratulates anyone at work again after that

YABVU & ridiculous to even think about being offended

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:26

MumblesParty · 08/12/2023 00:25

Your colleague is probably baffled at why you’re being so stroppy about him congratulating you and saying how amazing you are. If I was him I’d be wondering if management had made a bad decision promoting you!

Well the convo was - me saying I appreciate getting it and his response was you better do. It’s patronising. Off I appreciate it!

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 08/12/2023 00:26

Politely, you're a head case op... this is how I read it:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”

me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”

all good.

them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”

even nicer, affirms that they really wanted you to get it.

me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”

You all of a sudden putting a negative spin on it saying you only got in to compensate for something else.

them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”

them, understanding your point but saying you obviously got it for a reason as they don't just hand out promotions, they themselves didn't get one till they had worked there 7 years.

me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”

you: on the road to mental town

them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”

them: you should appreciate it, they don't just hand out promotions willy nilly and you deserved yours.

me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

you: sdfhskfuxcyvohasrefguhfuiogdufidyhfvuiofgsug

I think you seriously need to work on your communications skills.

FreyafromLondon · 08/12/2023 00:32

Do you get the hint yet OP? You were being totally unreasonable.
You sound like you're up for a row

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:33

sandyhappypeople · 08/12/2023 00:26

Politely, you're a head case op... this is how I read it:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”

me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”

all good.

them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”

even nicer, affirms that they really wanted you to get it.

me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”

You all of a sudden putting a negative spin on it saying you only got in to compensate for something else.

them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”

them, understanding your point but saying you obviously got it for a reason as they don't just hand out promotions, they themselves didn't get one till they had worked there 7 years.

me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”

you: on the road to mental town

them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”

them: you should appreciate it, they don't just hand out promotions willy nilly and you deserved yours.

me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

you: sdfhskfuxcyvohasrefguhfuiogdufidyhfvuiofgsug

I think you seriously need to work on your communications skills.

okay so I see your point. But I really know this man. I feel like the way he’s saying this is that I sound unappreciative when I said “they role only came about because I didn’t get the other one” and when he said fair play I didn’t get it until 7 years that was a nudge of “mate you sound like you don’t give a flying toss” then on top of that the “you better do made me feel like I actually sounded like a pathetic and unappreciative person” not my intention!!

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 08/12/2023 00:35

Weren't you worried about losing your job last week?

StarlightLime · 08/12/2023 00:36

Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:33

okay so I see your point. But I really know this man. I feel like the way he’s saying this is that I sound unappreciative when I said “they role only came about because I didn’t get the other one” and when he said fair play I didn’t get it until 7 years that was a nudge of “mate you sound like you don’t give a flying toss” then on top of that the “you better do made me feel like I actually sounded like a pathetic and unappreciative person” not my intention!!

Show quote history

You're really not making yourself sound any better, op. What is the matter with you?!

Ablondiebutagoody · 08/12/2023 00:37

Colleague congratulates you and you get all snarky. It's really weird and uncomfortable to read. My whole body is cringing.

StarlightLime · 08/12/2023 00:37

FiveShelties · 08/12/2023 00:35

Weren't you worried about losing your job last week?

It sounds like that would be a valid concern, if this is her usual carry on.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 08/12/2023 00:39

Jesus.

Hopefully your new role takes you away from this poor colleague.

Firefly1987 · 08/12/2023 00:45

You don't like the poor guy do you?

kissnm · 08/12/2023 00:46

Firefly1987 · 08/12/2023 00:45

You don't like the poor guy do you?

to the contrary I reckon one of them fancies the other, hence the over analysis

Firefly1987 · 08/12/2023 00:48

kissnm · 08/12/2023 00:46

to the contrary I reckon one of them fancies the other, hence the over analysis

Show quote history

Well if it's OP she's playing VERY hard to get 😆

rainbowunicorn · 08/12/2023 00:48

Bloody hell OP. You are one of those people that I actively avoid speaking to at work. You seem to be looking for an argument or a reason to be offended.
Literally 100% of people answering the poll think you are being unreasonable but you keep arguing with everyone.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 08/12/2023 00:48

Rule #1: don't discuss or comment on things at work like reviews, salaries, or promotions for yourself or anyone else.

Rule #2: see above.

LuluBlakey1 · 08/12/2023 00:49

YABU

All you had to do was say 'Thank you very much. I'm very pleased.' and leave it at that. You provoked the conversation to make your point and come across as bitter.

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:49

Firefly1987 · 08/12/2023 00:48

Well if it's OP she's playing VERY hard to get 😆

Show quote history

I won’t even lie. This is correct.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:50

rainbowunicorn · 08/12/2023 00:48

Bloody hell OP. You are one of those people that I actively avoid speaking to at work. You seem to be looking for an argument or a reason to be offended.
Literally 100% of people answering the poll think you are being unreasonable but you keep arguing with everyone.

I mean this guy asked me if I used to call out my exs name in the bedroom because he had a female name. I’m not being unreasonable. This is just how I interact with this man.

OP posts: