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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended

113 replies

Hammondhugh · 07/12/2023 23:53

Messages from colleague to me:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”
me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”
them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”
me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”
them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”
me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”
them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”
me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

Aibu? Do I sound unappreciative? For a side note I feel very patronised by him.

OP posts:
Mayorq · 08/12/2023 00:50

"You're misunderstanding me" She stated confidently as she misunderstood every aspect off the interaction.

Ineedaholidaynowplease · 08/12/2023 00:50

You are massively over thinking this. Literally every single person has told you they interpret the message differently and they don't think he meant it the way you think he did- why bother asking mumsnet if you aren't going to listen to ppl.

He probably only mentioned the 7 year thing because he didn't know what to say to your frankly weird response to him congratulating you.

Relax a little and celebrate your promotion instead of continuing to over think this. Congratulations!

FiveShelties · 08/12/2023 00:52

Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:50

I mean this guy asked me if I used to call out my exs name in the bedroom because he had a female name. I’m not being unreasonable. This is just how I interact with this man.

Show quote history

Spot the shark😂

TulipCat · 08/12/2023 00:54

This how the conversation should have gone:

Colleague: Congrats on your promotion
You: Thanks! Really looking forward to getting stuck in!

The end

You sound surly and hard work

JanglingJack · 08/12/2023 00:54

YABU and hard work.

You are looking for reasons to be offended. I hope it's not in HR, your people skills are somewhat lacking.

I bet the person wishing you the best, wishes they hadn't bothered.

JanglingJack · 08/12/2023 00:56

100% YABU. I've never seen that before.

QueenofTerrasen · 08/12/2023 00:56

OP - AIBU?
Everyone - yes
OP - No I'm not.

You're being ridiculous, he was being nice. You were snappy and weird.

Spartak · 08/12/2023 00:59

"you better do made me feel like I actually sounded like a pathetic and unappreciative person”

Well if this actually was his intention (which I don't think it was) he'd be correct.

minou123 · 08/12/2023 01:01

Is this the same guy at work, you've been flirting with?

sandyhappypeople · 08/12/2023 01:02

Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:33

okay so I see your point. But I really know this man. I feel like the way he’s saying this is that I sound unappreciative when I said “they role only came about because I didn’t get the other one” and when he said fair play I didn’t get it until 7 years that was a nudge of “mate you sound like you don’t give a flying toss” then on top of that the “you better do made me feel like I actually sounded like a pathetic and unappreciative person” not my intention!!

Show quote history

Well you know him, but if you changed his ‘fair play’ to ‘fair enough’ would that make it less ambiguous? I read it like this:

them: “it’s fair enough that you think that, but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”

To me, hes trying to say that it doesn’t matter WHY you got it, the fact that they don’t hand out promotions Willy nilly means it’s impressive that you got one and you shouldn’t look at it as a booby prize..

You’re CHOOSING to be offended and even worse, you didn’t even ask him to clarify what he meant you just read what you wanted to and replied based on that.

what was his reply to your last message out of interest? Or has he blocked you completely now?

JanglingJack · 08/12/2023 01:02

I think some alcoholic beverages may have been consumed after leaving work. Either as a self congratulations or, what seems, a pit of commiserations.

Oh well, you got the promotion.

Some people 🙄

Amybelle88 · 08/12/2023 01:02

Fucking hell.

They're being nice and you've gone the total opposite way with it. You even look like you're spoiling for an argument.

I'd tell you to sod off after that.

Inkypot · 08/12/2023 01:02

Just here to add another yep YABU to this thread! I can't vote on the mobile app but you're definitely being unreasonable and reading way too much into what could've been a much simpler interaction.

Amybelle88 · 08/12/2023 01:05

sandyhappypeople · 08/12/2023 00:26

Politely, you're a head case op... this is how I read it:

them: “congrats by the way for the promotion, dint see you before the end of today”

me:”thanks. I appreciate it.”

all good.

them:”yeah you deserve it. If you didn’t get it I’d be annoyed. I’d hand in my notice because it would be a really poor choice”

even nicer, affirms that they really wanted you to get it.

me: “I’m happy. But we both know this was offered because I didn’t get the lead role I initially applied for. You know that though. You’ve been here long enough”

You all of a sudden putting a negative spin on it saying you only got in to compensate for something else.

them: “fair play but I didn’t get my first promotion for 7 years in”

them, understanding your point but saying you obviously got it for a reason as they don't just hand out promotions, they themselves didn't get one till they had worked there 7 years.

me: “you misunderstood me. I’m very happy I got it and I appreciate it. I’m just saying I know how my role came about”

you: on the road to mental town

them: “you better do. If anything I would always back your cause”

them: you should appreciate it, they don't just hand out promotions willy nilly and you deserved yours.

me: oh come on. You’re misunderstanding me here. I’m not being unappreciative. You’ve seen all I’ve done while my manager has been away. I’m happy I got the role. I’m just saying it’s because I didn’t get what I initially applied for I was offered this. I feel I’m being told off here”

you: sdfhskfuxcyvohasrefguhfuiogdufidyhfvuiofgsug

I think you seriously need to work on your communications skills.

"On the road to mental town"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

LittleMissSunshiner · 08/12/2023 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

steff13 · 08/12/2023 01:13

Hammondhugh · 08/12/2023 00:11

He’s been there way longer than me. He’s basically saying. You got the job with 4 years less experience so don’t sound so ungrateful.

Show quote history

It doesn't come across that way at all.

momonpurpose · 08/12/2023 01:15

betterangels · 08/12/2023 00:03

Do you not like this colleague? You seem to be looking for a fight there.

Completely looking for a fight. I could feel the awkwardness just reading the post

HoppingPavlova · 08/12/2023 01:26

You sound chronically offended tbf. Must be exhausting?

Weddingblues23 · 08/12/2023 01:30

You come across as massively insecure OP. Him saying that he didn't get a promotion for 7 years was him telling you how bloody amazing you are to have got the promotion, not how you are being unappreciative. And anyway, even if he was saying you were being unappreciative, I don't get why that's so highly offensive to you anyway? From how much you are spouting off about how you aren't unappreciative it hints that maybe you actually really don't appreciate the promotion.

Anyway, your replies were really bizarre - 100% of mumsnet users agree 😂

Weddingblues23 · 08/12/2023 01:33

Ps, did anyone else reread the OP like 6 times thinking they'd missed something in the colleagues ridiculously positive and praised-filled messages?!

LittleMissSunshiner · 08/12/2023 01:37

Weddingblues23 · 08/12/2023 01:33

Ps, did anyone else reread the OP like 6 times thinking they'd missed something in the colleagues ridiculously positive and praised-filled messages?!

Read it like twice going... huh?? The third time I clicked, oh yep I've met these kind of people - the 'professionally offended' and 'permanently indignant', flip a totally reasonable comment and turn it into a war. I won't have anything to do with them, they're not safe to interact with.

I can't understand how anyone can write out those messages and not mid way through, think hang on... I sound like a total tw*t.

InWalksBarberalla · 08/12/2023 01:39

You'll exhaust yourself and everyone around you trying to read so much into normal comments.

BadLad · 08/12/2023 01:50

If you need to check whether or not you should be offended, it's probably not worth the bother.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 08/12/2023 01:53

WandaWonder · 08/12/2023 00:04

You are looking to be offended seems to happen often on here

Indeed it does - and yes OP, you do sound unappreciative, and your colleague was not being patronising. People like you really come across as hard work to others.

Canisaysomething · 08/12/2023 01:58

Mayorq · 08/12/2023 00:50

"You're misunderstanding me" She stated confidently as she misunderstood every aspect off the interaction.

This! They are congratulating you and you’ve sent some weird messages in reply to subtext that just wasn’t there.