To rant about this

[Starrystarryshite]

(Yes I know this won’t apply to all, it’s open rant but it’s one I desperately need to have for my own sanity)

Im a nanny. In my child related career I have been a teaching assistant, a SEN 1-2-1, an Early years educator and a nanny. I am truly at the end of my tether with the newest generation of children. Since covid I have encountered some of the worst behaviour, rudeness and complete lack of boundaries and what’s acceptable when it comes to adults outside of their families.

Gentle parenting seems to have been misconstrued as an absence of parenting. Parents trying to justify kids behaviour with this big focus on their feelings. I’m sick of hearing ‘they’re tired, they’ve had a long day, they had a busy weekend’ to justify their children hitting me, shouting, throwing tantrums. Boundaries are not put in place and there’s now many children who cannot handle any negative emotion because every bad bit of behaviour is explained away with excuses on ‘big feelings’.

Im noticing more children incapable of imaginative play because working parents have guilt and overcompensate so much with toys that children are overwhelmed and don’t even know how to play properly without waiting for the next shiny new thing.

Im exhausted going to work every day desperately trying to explain boundaries, routines to these children and their families to have the parents undo all my work because not even natural consequences are a thing in their households.

’gentle parenting’ and ‘covid babies and children’ are making me want to end a 15 year long career with children because all I am experiencing family after family is children who cannot handle ANY emotion and don’t have any independence and the worst thing Is it’s the parents who are causing it!!

Totally agree op and it’s so frustrating because these children are being utterly failed by a lack of proper parenting. I see it every single day in young people attempting to enter the workforce for the first time. They are entirely unable to grasp that actually yes, you do have to turn up at a certain time everyday and yes you do have to do things that you think are “beneath” you and no, the entire world doesn’t actually revolve around you. They have no resilience, very little empathy and no ability to understand the needs of anyone else because they’ve never before heard the word NO and have been told, every single day, that they are the most important person on the planet. Any attempts to get these young people to actually you know, turn up on time and do the job they are being paid for, is met with massive push back from the parents who think it’s fine to ring up and complain heartily that little Cosmo has had a verbal warning for buggering off outside 20 times a day to use his phone, because “that’s what kids do”. It’s a bloody nightmare.

@Eveningintheafternoon a firm no and walking away is setting boundaries of expectations for acceptable behaviour, which is actually what I meant.

im not saying I think that parents should be shouting in their children’s faces, that clearly isn’t what I meant. Nor did I mean they should be physically punishing children.

but I have seen a children’s behaviour excused because of big feelings, with no consequences, corrections or expectations. And I genuinely wonder whether they will be able to function in adulthood and whether they will have the resilience required.

If I had a nanny who thought she was more of a parent to my child than I was, and my role was to "do my part" to complement her superior parenting, that nanny would be getting the sack. How insufferably smug and judgemental you are of the people who employ you.

Certainly none of my children's nursery workers or teachers have ever talked about "parenting" my children. And I'd give them a lot more rope because they get paid very little to do a great deal. As a nanny you can charge more or less what you like; and choose your clients as you wish. So what on earth are you complaining about? Why not go work for a family that bows to your superiority and lets you "parent" their kids they way you wish, and then follows your methods the rest of the time? As you say there is a shortage, You have your pick. So why work for people you find so inadequate caring for kids you find so insufferable?

Some Teachers do not help with this though.

For example, my year 6 went to school upset this morning. The reason she was upset is because she lost her technology this weekend for refusing to listen and get dressed this morning, which very nearly made me late for work. She didn't want to do picture day, that's why she was refusing. As soon as she walked in, the teachers hovered around her hugging her and fussing around her. I had to tell them not to do that, she is upset because she has had consequences for her behaviour. Not because of any other reason. So fussing around her isn't exactly helping the situation for me as a parent trying to teach my child that there are consequences for negative behaviour.

I'm a young mum and I raise my children the same way I was raised. It's difficult because other people's gentle parenting also impacts my parenting. As my children witness their friends having no consequence for bad behaviour, it just makes things harder for me overall.

One teacher told me I was isolating my teenager because I removed her mobile phone due to her attitude. It's ridiculous.