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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend ( a teacher) may be disciplined for telling parents one of her pupils took a pregnancy test?

506 replies

NiceTry · 13/03/2008 22:04

The girl had confided in her and the test was arranged, via school nurse but my colleague decided that the girl's parents should be informed and may now face disciplinary procedures because the girl had not consented to this (the test was negative by the way). Obviously the girl (and parents) are very upset. But did she do the right thing?

OP posts:
Lulumama · 15/03/2008 14:16

nicetry, there are plenty of posts with excellent grammar you seem determined to ignore. if the majority view is so overwhelming, does it not make you think that maybe, just maybe, your friend and you might need to modify your thinking on this?

Elasticwoman · 15/03/2008 14:21

Nicetry - I don't see why the girl had to involve the teacher at all. Why didn't she just buy a pg test from a pharmacy and do it herself?

MiniEggsMmm · 15/03/2008 14:33

I think the girl who confided in the teacher has probably lost all trust in people now. I think if this situation ever happened again, the girl could now be too frightened to tell anyone in fear her parents finding out and if she turned out to be preganant, could either hide the pregancy (like 15yr old Amy in Hollyoaks) or have a termination without the support and guidence from anyone. Once the trust is gone, it's very hard to re-install.

Elasticwoman · 15/03/2008 14:37

Unless a child attempted to perform an abortion on herself, she would not be able to have one without support and guidance from adults.

Original poster
NiceTry · 15/03/2008 14:38

Lulumama - no
Elastocwoman - I agree
Miniegg - My colleague believed the girl was at risk of significant harm

OP posts:
beaniesteve · 15/03/2008 14:46

what significant harm?

Lulumama · 15/03/2008 14:48

fair enough ! but i would also like to know what significant harm your friend anticipated.. i did ask that yesterday.....

MiniEggsMmm · 15/03/2008 14:49

Elasticwoman, yes you are right she wouldn't be able to do a termination herself. But i have been in that situation and i went to the doctor who refered me to the termination clinic. There i had advice and was asked why i wanted the termination etc. After though, i had no support at all. The after bit is the hardest imo because you have to live with your decision and it's then that you need all the support you can get.

I was 20 and i can't even imagine what it would be like to be 14 and have no trust in adults because you think they are going to tell your parents.

Original poster
NiceTry · 15/03/2008 14:49

I don't know all the details but my colleague felt it was a child protection issue and the girl was at risk of significant harm. I also know that the girl's mother has contacted the police, but I don't know why.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 15/03/2008 14:50

maybe the girl did not know you could buy a test from a pharmacy. maybe she had no money for a test.

madamez · 15/03/2008 14:50

I get the impression that the meddling c*nt of a teacher thinks that 'having any kind of sexual feelings' is significant harm and that this girl was at serious risk of having safe. consensual sex with a partner AND ENJOYING IT.

beaniesteve · 15/03/2008 14:50

Presumably the girls mother has contacted the police as it's a statutory rape issue? But this may be exactly what the girl was afraid of.

What significant harm can you imagine your friend means?

Aitch · 15/03/2008 14:52

cannot BELIEVE you are still even thinking about continuing to defend this woman, nicetry. assuming she isn't you, of course.

what she did was WRONG. if she thought that the child might be harmed in some way then social services or the police would have been a better avenue than telling her mum.

Elasticwoman · 15/03/2008 14:55

Madamez, I know I'm being pedantic but at 14 the girl has legally no consent to give.

MiniEggsMmm · 15/03/2008 14:55

I think the teacher should have held the girls hand while doing the test then;

if it was negative: given her advice on safe sex, tell her it's illigal at her age and tell her she is always there if she needs advice or just a chat.

if it was positive: given the girl advice, talk through her options and advice her to go home and tell her parents and still tell her she is always there for support and advice.

That imo, is all the teacher can do. Offer advice and give out support.

Mamazon · 15/03/2008 14:57

Is it possible to find out which school Nt and her friend teach at.

i for one wish to ensure my children aren't ever enrolled there.

Original poster
NiceTry · 15/03/2008 14:58

Madamez that post says a lot more about you than about the 'meddling c**t of a teacher!'

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 15/03/2008 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
NiceTry · 15/03/2008 15:37

I do not know what significant harm, ( I am not party to all the details) My colleague disagreed with the Child Protection Officer and School Nurse who did not think this was a child protection issue and because of this chose to inform her parents. I am defending her because she is an excellent, well respected teacher. I am guessing this was a sexual relationship with someone much older than her (hence the police getting involved) but I do not know this.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 15/03/2008 15:38

she can still be an excellent teacher, who has made an error of judgement, that a lot of people disagree with. i hope that the young girl in all of this is bearing up ok

Original poster
NiceTry · 15/03/2008 15:40

Aitch - my friend now wishes she had contacted social services instead of the parents (not for the girls benefit but for her own). She felt, knowing the family well that the girl needed her mother's support.

OP posts:
Aitch · 15/03/2008 15:41

well in that case nicetry she seems to acknowledge her error while you don't. i think that saying to her superiors, 'i made an error of judgement' will play better than 'i was right to do it'.

seeker · 15/03/2008 15:43

Ifd it was a relationship with someone much older than her the Child Protection Officer would definitely have intervened. I am afraid that I still think your friend wasseriously unprofessional and deserves either to lose her job or at least go on a segnificant period of retraining.

Elasticwoman · 15/03/2008 15:58

I think the teacher was in an invidious position. If she told the parents, she was in trouble for all the reasons people have stated. If she didn't, she could be said to condone an illegal act.

If the girl had done, or been the victim of some other form of illegal behaviour, eg shoplifting or bullying, would people still think the teacher should have kept the confidence?

seeker · 15/03/2008 16:09

But it wasn't her decision was it? It should have been the decision of th Child Protection Officer whether the child's parents should be informed.

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