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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Two girls vs One of each

118 replies

Morningcoffeewithcookies · 05/12/2023 10:50

I have seen in many posts recently that Mumsnet people tend to favour having girls instead of boys, which puzzles me given that so many people can't even have children!

I am really curious if this is a trend or if I got it wrong hence the thread!

So, of course health and to have children comes first, but then what about the gender? What would you ideally prefer in a perfect world?

AIBU - Two girls
AINBU - One of each

OP posts:

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 05/12/2023 13:23

I really wanted boys, which is what I got.

I do think quite often that when people have a strong gender preference, there’s something deeper behind it. I know someone who was desperate for a girl and she worked out that it was because she was desperate to recreate the mother/daughter relationship she had as a child with the mother she lost to cancer as a teenager.

I didn’t want girls in large part because I had a poor relationship with my own mother. However, my main reason for wanting boys not girls will sound absolutely bizarre. I have nothing against girls at all. But I’m quite an anxious person and I really couldn’t cope with the anxiety of having girls, with the way the world treats them. I feel as a teenage girl I was exposed to an above-average amount of male cruelty and exploitation so perhaps I’m hyperaware of it.

I just don’t think I could ever relax if I had girls, knowing that there are men out there who’d kill them for fun, for no other reason than the fact they’re female.

I know that isn’t rational and in fact men are far more likely to be the victims of violent crime than women are, and teenage boys are many times more likely to be involved in accidents. And I know it’s not rational to want boys because of male violence. But it’s just how I felt.

IBegYourBiggestPardon · 05/12/2023 13:35

Neither! A successful pregnancy is all I want!!

VDUBCV4 · 05/12/2023 13:52

@CaptainJackSparrow85 I agree. I have quite a lot of personal reasons why I silently wanted a boy. However, if I'd had a girl I would have loved her just the same.

Hattie89 · 05/12/2023 14:45

Hereforthebunfights · 05/12/2023 13:08

I've had lots of people tell me that I'm unlucky that I have a girl.

Show quote history

When I was pregnant with my eldest, a girl, one woman asked me if I was disappointed. 🙄 But she’s also the sort who says “A boy as the oldest is best as he can look after his sister.” My daughter is the most headstrong little girl and I hope she’ll be fine looking after herself.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 05/12/2023 14:56

My experience very generally speaking is that people assume mothers want girls ans fathers want boys. I have two boys and I’ve found that people often assume that I’m disappointed with that, but assume that my husband is delighted. (He is, but he would also have been thrilled with two girls or one of each because he’s not a misogynist). I actually had someone say once ‘two boys - well at least your husband must be happy eh?’

On the flipside, we are friends with lots of families who just have girls and the fathers often get comments about being unlucky/disappointed to have girls. Which I think is disgusting.

But with that said, I think there is research suggesting that fathers are more likely to leave families where they only have daughters. So possibly there is a grain of truth to it.

Anothenamechange · 05/12/2023 15:29

Try Lindex or Polarn O Pyret. Much more fun!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2023 15:35

2 girls- that was my preference and what I got. I know I would have loved boys just the same.
I do though think 2 of the same sex tend to be closer ie. likely to hang out together more/ do the same things. Also in the Western world it’s the females that tend to step up and support the family more.

Ozgirl75 · 05/12/2023 15:36

I hoped for two the same - didn’t mind which, but every girl I knew growing up didn’t get on with her brother (nor as adults really) but everyone who had a same sex sibling got on much better (although two boys always got on better than two girls). Luckily I had two boys and they do get on really well.

DiaNaranja · 05/12/2023 15:40

I have two girls. I always imagined myself with boys, so was shocked dd1 was a girl, and shocked (but relieved when I found out dd2 was another girl, as I felt like I knew what I was doing... how wrong was I... polar opposite personalities and tempers! I absolutely love it though, they're so sweet and my little best buddies. They're only 9 & 7 though, so I may not feel the same when they're 16 & 14! 😬

DramaAlpaca · 05/12/2023 15:43

I wouldn't have minded one of each, but I really wanted a son so didn't want a family of all girls. As it is I had all boys and I'm very happy with that. Of course, if I'd had all girls I'm sure I'd've been delighted too, but we'll never know.

Groovee · 05/12/2023 15:49

I always wanted boys. Our family was over run with girls. I got one of each.

florafoxtrot · 05/12/2023 16:10

Have one DD and currently pregnant with second DC. Long journey to DD and even longer one for her sibling and I can say with complete honesty that I don't mind either way. I can see the benefits of both scenarios and just really happy to be in the position of having another baby. So can't vote!

yarnwitch · 05/12/2023 16:33

Probably one of each if I had to choose. Partly so I could experience both, and partly because I know from experience of my own siblings and DC that having two of the same doesn't mean they will get along!

Amyjones86 · 05/12/2023 20:31

Two boys. Which I have. Working with teenagers quickly made me realise I’d prefer sons to daughters 😬

Tessisme · 05/12/2023 20:51

I had a slight preference for a girl. Never thought about a second child. Anyway, I had a boy and was so taken with him, I wanted another boy. And I got another boy. Happy with that. Would have been more than happy with either though!

GreyCarpet · 05/12/2023 20:55

I've got one of each.

I can't say I ever had a preference and, as I've always tended to treat them as individuals and not as 'members of their sex according to restrictive stereotypes', it's all worked out pretty well tbh.

Elfontheshmelf · 05/12/2023 21:14

I think it's ok to have a preference and to be mildly disappointed on the day of a gender scan, as long as you know you'll love and want your baby in the long run.

I don't think people should be getting pregnant at all if they really deeply don't want a certain gender though. It's a 50/50 chance.

Zerrin13 · 05/12/2023 21:40

I had girl boy girl. All grown up now. To everyone saying they didn't want girls because boys are easier in the teen years, that definitely wasn't my experience. My girls have been always been easier than my boy. I love them all the same though.

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