Two girls vs One of each

[Morningcoffeewithcookies]

I have seen in many posts recently that Mumsnet people tend to favour having girls instead of boys, which puzzles me given that so many people can't even have children!

I am really curious if this is a trend or if I got it wrong hence the thread!

So, of course health and to have children comes first, but then what about the gender? What would you ideally prefer in a perfect world?

AIBU - Two girls
AINBU - One of each

I'm afraid I find it very hard to relate to those who express a preference for one sex over another for their children. I don't say it is wrong to feel this - I know people can't help the way they feel - but some feelings are just not reasonable and need to be privately felt, perhaps privately shared, and put aside.

I have one DC, both he & I nearly died at his birth and he has life changing injuries. I couldnt have any more as it wasn't safe & I needed to be there for my DS (yes a boy. But if I had had a girl it would have been just as much of a blessing to me). I am very aware of being more fortunate than others who can't have children at all.

So yes we should be happy and grateful for the children that God/biology/the big rolling dice in the sky send us.

I find these kinds of discussions quite hurtful and triggering actually and I may not be alone. But if those on here are happy to discussed their preferences regardless then please crack on. I am sorry if this post offends anyone - but presume I am allowed opinions and feelings too.

before and when i was pregnant i wanted 2 girls although i didn’t ever say it aloud. I got 2 girls. There were several teenage years when i often thought boys would have been much easier (of course i have no idea if they would have been).

We are only having one, currently pregnant. It took 8 years for us to get to this point, lots of testing and heartbreak along the way. I've got friends who have been through numerous IVF cycles and still haven't had any success. I've met plenty of women who've had numerous losses, some very late during pregnancy. I can't bring myself to have any sympathy for women who "grieve" not having a preferred gender.

The 2 boys that I have.

I had one of each and went for a third and got another boy.
had I had 2 girls I wouldn’t have gone for a third as I would never have wanted 3 girls. I would happily have 3 boys.

I would be amazed and incredibly grateful to have any living healthy child. All my pregnancies have been losses so far. I can’t get my head around being so ungrateful about having a healthy child of a particular sex tbh.

I love both my girls but my boy is my absolute soulmate and I'm going to have to work very hard not to be one of those overbearing MILs....

This thread lays bare the pinnacle of patriarchal capitalism

I have a girl and if I had to choose right now I'd go for another girl for our second. Totally anecdotal reasons - I love having a sister and quite a few people I know with sisters are close with them as adults, whereas those with brothers seem less so. But obviously I appreciate that even 2 girls may not get along at all!

But genuinely, I'd be happy with either, babies are all so lovely and I'll feel very lucky if I get to have a 2nd. ❤

3rd option - Two boys.

Of course I always get accused of lying when I say this IRL because someone can't possibly NOT want a girl 🙄

For me, it has to be two girls, and that is what I was blessed with. Never wanted a boy, and am glad I never had one. I don't have any mums of multiple sons (2 or more) in my friendship group, as I find the mums I know who have all boys very negative about girls, saying girls are spiteful and bitchy and catty. They say this shit when they have never even met them, and they act like all boys are perfect, and insist they are sooooo much more loving than girls. 🙄 I find mums of multiple sons hard to get on with.

I do have several friends who have one boy, and they are nice about girls. But the ones with 2 or more are negative about girls, and I believe it's a defence mechanism, and they deep down actually want a daughter.

I never saw myself with sons, and having daughters is everything I imagined. Had the most wonderful life with them growing up, and now they're grown - mid 20s, they're independent, feisty, successful young women, who DH and I have a wonderful relationship with. More boys than girls tend to still be living with their parents in the mid to late 20s too, and will only move out when they meet a woman. Girls/daughters are independent at a younger age IME.

Also IME, girls/daughters are closer to their parents when they're adults than boys/sons are, and the maternal grandparents are almost always involved in their grandchildrens lives more than the paternal ones.

And yeah, many people are desperate - in the western world - to have daughters. In certain parts of the world, boys are revered, so I see nothing wrong with girls being revered in this part of the world.

I've had lots of people tell me that I'm unlucky that I have a girl.

I think it’s the clothes that make having a girl seem more exciting. The array of sparkly, pretty items always catch my eye in clothing shops.
I have two girls and a boy.
He is easier in every way despite having additional needs.
I was very excited to have a baby boy after two girls. He is easily pleased and less complex. As long as he’s fed and had enough sleep he’s happy.

Never had that, I got a head tilt and a "awww will you try for your girl?"

Absolutely not 🤣

Care to elaborate?

I was just going to say the same thing.

@Hereforthebunfights ?

@Livingtothefull I completely emphasise with you (your post did hit me) and sorry for what you went through but also I am glad you have come out at the end of it x

There is a reason we have online forums because some of us do not have the spaces in real life to talk about some of our feelings. Even worse - people in your immediate circle might encourage your negative thinking! You are a lucky person if you have a super supportive network but we don’t all have this. I had friends telling me all sorts of issues I would come across as a girl mum and none of them had children!!

Also you probably won’t understand that thinking if you haven’t had the same experience. The same way I do not understand people that are anti having a daughter or people that bash children and wish they never existed - but we are not the same and they need help. I also might not understand your experience because I haven’t lived it but I am empathetic x

When my negative feelings about men starting manifesting in my life I went to therapy then did the work on myself because it was affecting a big part of my adult life. But that doesn’t mean that my feelings and thoughts do not exist. Especially when something triggers my past experience. I hope this makes sense.

I am sure we are all triggered by different posts. I avoid certain corners of MN because I find them to be so anti motherhood (the irony) Instead I just stop reading and move onto the next one.

No, girl clothes continue to put stock boys pretty much by 100% in an array of colours as well as the more "boy" stuff on them. Boys remains sludge or boy character themed - superheroes, Minecraft, sonic etc.

So I got my 3 yo boys some gorgeous sparkly (black with shiny stars on) thick leggings from the girl section.

I wasn't bothered with either of my pregnancies if I had a boy or a girl. I just wanted a healthy baby.

As it turned out, I have one of each. But if it was 2 boys or 2 girls, I would still be very happy with having my beautiful children!
Maybe having miscarriages changes the way we think?

@FreshWinterMorning No, you're totally wrong.

All boys.

I disagree they're missing out
They're not having an experience it's possible to have, but that's the same every second of their lives. DS isn't missing out because I only gave him brothers, or because he isn't a girl, or because we don't live in Iceland or because we don't have a pet Llama. They're just possible experiences in life they're not getting that other people do.
Of course it would be great to have a sister and a brother and a pet Llama and a holiday home in Iceland but they're not missing out by not

I agree. I relate to nothing you've said.

@TheBirdintheCave yeah I've noticed the character tops for the boys!
I don't blame you 🤩 as you say, plenty of the girls/boys clothes can be swapped either way

Surely people are biased based on the kids they have?
we have one DD and are planning another baby in a few years and honestly I’d be happy with either.