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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two girls vs One of each

118 replies

Morningcoffeewithcookies · 05/12/2023 10:50

I have seen in many posts recently that Mumsnet people tend to favour having girls instead of boys, which puzzles me given that so many people can't even have children!

I am really curious if this is a trend or if I got it wrong hence the thread!

So, of course health and to have children comes first, but then what about the gender? What would you ideally prefer in a perfect world?

AIBU - Two girls
AINBU - One of each

OP posts:
janfebmarchapril · 05/12/2023 12:04

Two girls

janfebmarchapril · 05/12/2023 12:05

Equally If I had a boy first I'd want another boy. Ive always wanted the same sex children

BebbanburgIsMine · 05/12/2023 12:05

I wanted two girls, and I got two girls.

I've never felt any desire for a boy, my elder brother could be vicious and cruel when we were growing up.

He's still a bully and I have nothing to do with him.

Hattie89 · 05/12/2023 12:06

I’m not religious but surprisingly quite spiritual when it comes to my belief that we get what we’re meant to have in terms of the sex of our kids. So no preference.

Rosecutting · 05/12/2023 12:07

I would have thought 2 healthy children would be the only option, for someone that wants 2.
Can’t understand these gender preferences.

EmpressSoleil · 05/12/2023 12:09

I wanted one of each and that's what I had. 2 (or more) sisters can be difficult, I say that as someone who has a sister! It was rough on me (the older one) as I was always expected to play with her and rough on her as she always got my second hand clothes etc. As adults we had some terrible arguments too. I just can't see I'd have had those arguments with a brother.

Mine are adults so they don't really "hang out" together although we do still do family stuff. But they are fiercely protective of one another and would always be there if the other needed them.

theprincessthepea · 05/12/2023 12:09

I’ve noticed this trend. I have a girl. The only reason I preferred a girl was because I haven’t been around men much in my life - parents divorce, lone parent, even work has been female dominated for me. That was it really. I felt if I had a boy I wouldn’t have any experience to pull from to help. I also think it is naive to think that gender does not play any role in upbringing - even if it is just external influences.

Also I don’t think it’s right to make women feel bad for preferring a gender just because they should be “happy as some cannot have children” - I don’t want to be insensitive but we have a high rate of termination too and I don’t see this argument being used there. I am pro choice but I don’t think it’s fair to point this out as everyone’s circumstances are different. We all have been raised differently and our thinking is not the same.

I also think sadly we live in a world where the “wrong doings” of men are amplified in a way that it never was before (e.g. me too , toxic feminism, toxic masculinity etc) and I really feel for the good men that cannot get a word in sideways because of this but my theory is that this culture in society might be feeding into this.

With that being said a few years ago most people would have preferred boys - Most of my friends would and that is because they think girls are brats or will steal their beauty and limelight (again equally dumb shallow reasons) - not long ago we had a culture of “wanting a male heir and continuing family legacy” etc which I bet some cultures or some of our grandparents might have believed! In the west females have a more equal playing field.

Sorry for being all academic about it but we are allowed opinions and feelings.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 05/12/2023 12:09

I didn't mind but I grew up with a sister and loved it and still do so part of me wanted the same for my children. I did have two girls and very happy but sure I would be whatever we had! They are close in age and get on very well almost all the time!

GoingOffOnATangent · 05/12/2023 12:10

I only wanted children who didn't have bad personality clash, and could hopefully stand a chance of getting on ok. Sex irrelevant to that imo.
I got two quite different characters, and I also invested a lot of time teaching them both relationship skills, so happily my kids have a far healthier relationship than I ever did with my sibling (personality clash, zero helpful relationship skills taught, dysfunctional family dynamic).
I'm delighted.

SignoraItaliana · 05/12/2023 12:16

I have two of each and I love having sons and daughters. I know I am lucky to have four healthy children. I think I would have been a tiny bit disappointed if my third baby had been another boy.

Andywarholswig · 05/12/2023 12:20

2 girls as that what I have and I wouldn’t wish for anything else

Cheeseywheel · 05/12/2023 12:21

I have got 2 girls. Absolutely wouldn’t change that for the world - I expect (hope!) I would say the same whichever gender they are. However I did have a teeny preference for a girl only because I have the lived experience of being a female and felt more comfortable bringing one up! Both girls have their father’s (confident, outgoing) personality though, rather than my shy, reserved nature so I’m not sure what use my words of wisdom will be in their teenage years!

Pluvia · 05/12/2023 12:22

You talk about gender, OP, when you actually mean sex. Your children are born either male or female. It's biology.

Gender is a social construct, it changes over time and varies in different societies. It's based on feelings and beliefs, not on physical reality.

PerspiringElizabeth · 05/12/2023 12:23

Why are those the only options 😵‍💫 if I had to pick I guess I’d prefer to have one of each than 2 girls. 2 boys was epic though but I am very much in that world as weirdly me and ALL my friends (honestly!) had 2 boys. So I’d go for one of each but that is not my choice in real life 😄 I know lots of brother/sister sets who are very close, and just as many same-sex siblings who aren’t close at all.

I have 2 boys and a girl and it’s 👌🏻👌🏻 would have been delighted with a 3rd boy, they’re so loving and easy! Adore DD too of course, she is loving too and very rough and tumble and hilarious!

Livingoncaffeine · 05/12/2023 12:31

I always thought I wanted one of each but got two boys and I couldn’t be happier! If we had a third I’d secretly prefer another boy (though of course be happy with a girl too!)

Suchardchoccy · 05/12/2023 12:31

@TheBirdintheCave oh really, I hope that's not the case with girls clothes! 2-3 so far so good.
TBF I haven't actively gone to look at the boys clothes obviously I've just seen them briefly near the girls clothes so I could be wrong!

ActDottie · 05/12/2023 12:32

I always wanted a girl. I think because I have a brother and he barely sees my parents and I see them regularly.

My husband is the same in that he barely sees his parents, so in my head this is what boys do and I would hate it if they were adults and didn’t want to see me much. There’s obviously no guarantee having girls will guarantee this either and I know that.

Obviously this is all completely skewed by my own experiences. But I always said I’d have two children, but if I had two boys I’d try for a third but that would be it.

Currently pregnant with our first and she’s a girl! So we’ll likely have two children and it takes the pressure off baby 2 being a girl.

Obviously my reasoning is all completely emotional and I’m sure if I had ended up with all boys I ultimately wouldn’t care.

I do think there’s a thing about wanting a mini you as well. I know plenty of husbands who were relieved to find out they were having boys rather than girls.

My friend who is a nanny wanted two boys because she said they’re so much easier than girls! She’s currently got one girl. But just an example of a woman wanting boys.

CoalCraft · 05/12/2023 12:35

I wanted at least one boy and knew I wanted two children, so top choice would have been one of each, second two boys, and third two girls.

I have two girls. Wouldn't change a thing.

funinthesun19 · 05/12/2023 12:36

I have 3 boys and 1 girl. People assume I kept going until I had a girl, but it really was not the case! When I found out I was pregnant with my 4th, I fully expected and welcomed the idea of my 4th being a boy!

I love being a mum of both now, but I also loved being a boy mum just as much!

People used to pity me when I had all boys. I felt like telling them to F off when they told me how wonderful it is for me that I finally have my girl.

I very much doubt I would have been pitied if I had 3 girls/ was a girl mum. Genuinely believe that.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2023 12:36

MaynardGMuskyvote · 05/12/2023 10:52

Two boys.

❤️

Does it really not cross your mind op that some people want boys? I know they grow into men and MN Hates Men but still

MeinKraft · 05/12/2023 12:37

I have one of each. Unless you have at least two of each your kids will miss out in some way. Neither of mine will have a same sex sibling, which is a nice thing to have so that's a shame. If you have one you'll never know what it's like to have multiples. If you have multiples you'll never know the joy of having one. We have to just be happy with what we have...every baby is a blessing.

herbyham · 05/12/2023 12:38

Two girls, but that's what I've got so I really couldn't imagine anything else.

Before children I'd have said one of each at least though!

VDUBCV4 · 05/12/2023 12:38

I wanted a boy and had a boy. I didn't want anymore. I've got SC I'm close to.

itstimeforme · 05/12/2023 12:39

I have 3 DDs and I couldn't be happy. I would have liked to have had a boy and experienced that but my DDs are all grown up and adore each other and I have three amazing friends in them.

VDUBCV4 · 05/12/2023 12:40

If I had two I would have wanted either 2 boys or one of each.

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