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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two girls vs One of each

118 replies

Morningcoffeewithcookies · 05/12/2023 10:50

I have seen in many posts recently that Mumsnet people tend to favour having girls instead of boys, which puzzles me given that so many people can't even have children!

I am really curious if this is a trend or if I got it wrong hence the thread!

So, of course health and to have children comes first, but then what about the gender? What would you ideally prefer in a perfect world?

AIBU - Two girls
AINBU - One of each

OP posts:
TheBirdintheCave · 05/12/2023 11:20

@Ardith My son is perfectly lovely (not at all peaceful though! 😅) and well brought up so I do know how nice it is to have a little boy. He is utterly delicious and his cuddles (when he's willing to give them!) are magic.

I'd still like to have a girl next.

CallieQ · 05/12/2023 11:25

Three boys

MammaTill2Pojkar · 05/12/2023 11:31

Two boys, which I have.

tealweasel · 05/12/2023 11:32

I have one son. If we have a second I genuinely would be happy with either - I can see pros and cons to both options.

Waitingfordoggo · 05/12/2023 11:35

Before I had any children at all, I thought my ‘ideal’ was three boys. I actually had one girl and one boy and couldn’t be happier with that.

But I know I’d have said ‘couldn’t be happier’ if I’d had three boys or four girls or whatever. What we end up with is the family that feels ‘right’ to us. I know people have preferences and gender disappointment is a thing; but I doubt there are many parents who carry that disappointment long-term. Once the children exist and are their own unique selves, we can’t imagine it any other way.

WimpoleHat · 05/12/2023 11:39

I have two girls - feel very lucky. (But I know people with one of each or two boys who feel the same!)

minipie · 05/12/2023 11:39

I have two girls. They are living proof that gender stereotypes are bunkum.

So whatever preference I might have had pre kids, if you asked me today I’d have no preference whatsoever as I know sex predicts nothing.

CoffeeWithCheese · 05/12/2023 11:40

I have two girls. I never planned for two girls, but I never viewed having children like Pokemon collecting where you HAVE to have one of each type - but as it is they're shiny and fabulous.

Logistically it's been easier for us having two girls as circumstances dictated they needed to share a room up until this year and there's a bit less time pressure to separate siblings if they're the same sex, and mine are either mortal enemies or absolutely an inseparable force of chaos and world domination.

What you're meant to end up with is whatever you have basically.

MaryActsLikeSheDontCare · 05/12/2023 11:41

Before I ever had children and imagined my future, I probably did have a preference for one of each.

Once I became pregnant and had #1, I couldn’t have cared less what sex they were.

As it happens, I did have a mix of both!

Mothership4two · 05/12/2023 11:44

Two boys - the ones I have.

When I was younger for some reason I always thought I would have girls but had no real preference. Very happy with our outcome. I think having boys suits my personality although obviously would have loved and adored a girl if we'd had one.

When I was pregnant a friend had a baby and made a right old OTT fuss about how lucky she was to have one of each now. I thought she was being a slightly odd about it TBH and, possibly, tactless to me.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/12/2023 11:45

Well, I only have one girl because nature decided that I wasn't having any more babies. And if I had my time again, I would choose one girl.... I'm perfectly happy with my lot.

Before I had dc, I genuinely didn't care whether I was going to have a boy or a girl. Since having a girl, I have on so many occasions felt deeply thankful that she is a girl because I feel like I connect with her in a way in which I would never have connected with a boy. But who knows, if I had had a boy, perhaps I would have felt exactly the same about him?! I shall never know, but it doesn't actually matter anyway because I am very content with the dc that I have. I can only hope that others feel the same, regardless of their actual family make-up.

Greybluewhite · 05/12/2023 11:46

I have 2 boys and a girl.

My girl is so so much harder than the boys. I don’t think I could have survived with two of her 😄

GreatGateauxsby · 05/12/2023 11:47

One of each is I believe considered optimal in my circles…

generally I think 2 of the same sex close in age is easier.
Clothes can be handed down, interests are similar, days out are easier but then on the other hand the whole sharing everything /always getting hand me downs has its own pitfalls.

Sparehair · 05/12/2023 11:48

I did want a girl initially but after I had ds first I kind of wanted another boy as my second ( and last) as I thought it would be easier. Had a girl so one of each. It works well. Honestly I think I’d have been happy whatever I had. There are pros and cons to all combos and so much is age gap and personality dependent as well.

wineandmaltesershappyme · 05/12/2023 11:49

CalistoNoSolo · 05/12/2023 10:56

One girl, which I got and she's been perfect from the moment she was born. Having said that, when I was pregnant I didn't have a preference, I just wanted a healthy baby.

Same here

shearwater2 · 05/12/2023 11:52

It's pretty hard to say, I'm sure not many people would say they want something different than what they have.

I would say

  • I'm really glad to have two daughters and found it really hard to imagine DD1 in particular might have been a boy, but I'm sure I'd have mentally adjusted if she had.
  • DD2 I thought might be a boy, but I was so delighted to have two girls and they get on so well
  • DH said he didn't need us to have a third/fourth child to see if we got a boy that time
  • I sort of had the feeling that if we carried on having children, we'd end up with five girls like the Bennets in P&P!
LemonLight · 05/12/2023 11:53

I've noticed a really similar trend!

Once I got pregs, everyone was constantly telling me I just 'had' to have a girl, 'how could you not have a girl', Im 'made to have a girl', I felt a lot of pressure to have a girl and it made me feel like I'd be better at parenting a girl because that's how everyone seems to see me. It made me feel like I'd be a rubbish boy mum and I started to worry I was carrying a boy - how ridiculous is that. Who's to say if I had a girl though, she might completely hate the girly things that I like. I just want to make it to the end of the 9 months and the baby to come out healthy.

ohfook · 05/12/2023 11:53

When I was pregnant with a boy, everyone told me that boys are the best and I was so lucky to be having a son, sons love their mothers so much etc.

Then I was pregnant with a girl and I heard so much about how lovely it is having one of each. That was the ideal, I'm so lucky etc.

My sisters has two girls and is always told how lucky she is two have two girls; the bond will be so special.

Basically there is no ideal, if you're putting your loved and wanted children into a warm bed in a safe home every night, you're lucky enough, people are just being polite.

Prelapsarianhag · 05/12/2023 11:56

Both. I am lucky enough to have birthed a baby girl who has transitioned in adulthood so I have had the best of both worlds.

Sconehenge · 05/12/2023 11:56

I think I’d genuinely be happy with any combo except for 3 of 1 and 1 of the other, as it’s so clear that family was trying for the other gender on #3 and failed and kept going until #4 😂

I would probably have less “what ifs?” If I had only girls, where if I had only boys I would probably wonder what it would have been like to have a daughter. But I think I would be happy to be an all boy mum too.

gertren · 05/12/2023 11:56

Around here, the trophy family is one of each, 1-2 years apart. Ideally September born. Then each parent can have their mini-me and put them in all the same activities and have nice days out because the dcs will be similar ages, and when they grow up, the dad can play football with his son and go to the pub and the mum can do afternoon tea and spa days with the daughter. And they will be super bright and top of the class because they are the eldest.

I have 2 girls around 4 years apart and I'm happy with it. They definitely seem to be less boisterous and better at quiet activities than my nephews and other boys who are sons of close friends. Bigger age gap allowed me to give more one to one time to each of them throughout the baby and toddler years and treat them as individuals.

NotYeti · 05/12/2023 11:57

I can't vote because I'd love two boys. I have one and he's utterly lush. ❤️ But really I wouldn't give a flying fig about the sex.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 05/12/2023 12:00

The sex preference topic comes up.on MN at least once a week.

I had two very difficult pregnancies, involving multiple hospital admissions. I am incredibly grateful fir my two beautiful healthy sons.

Hapagirl48 · 05/12/2023 12:00

I wasn't that bothered which when I was pregnant with my first but I did want the same sex. I thought it would be easier both in a financial sense (hand me downs) and in a social sense. So when DD1 was a girl, I just thought it would be nice if the next one was a girl. As it is, I now have 3 teen DDs and they are always sharing stuff (and arguing about it). When we go on holiday, we now need two rooms and the girls have their own room and they wander around in their bras and knickers stealing each other's make up etc. That would be difficult with different sex siblings but I don't know anything else because I am one of two girls too.

AmazingSnakeHead · 05/12/2023 12:01

I don't have a preference. When I was pregnant first time I genuinely had no deep preference at all, but if asked to choose I would have chosen a boy for the shallow reason that all my friends had just given birth to boys and I just thought it would be fun to refer to "our boys". I got a wonderful little boy. I would not have any preferences if I were to have another, I've learned enough to know that all children are their own people, and having another boy would not be like having two of my existing boy.