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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a strange way to do Secret Santa?

343 replies

Fancylike · 05/12/2023 10:44

My office has announced a Secret Santa but has set a minimum price of £40. There’s no maximum but you have to spend over £40 on a single gift. I’m new to the company but every SS I’ve done previously had a maximum spend, not a minimum and it’s always been £5-10.

This just seems like a lot of money to spend on coworkers you may not know well (I work in a different department to the name I pulled so have to research them) and also having a minimum doesn’t sit well with me given the disparity in salaries across the office. I’m new so I don’t want to rock the boat by asking if the organiser got mixed up but it’s also been made clear we all need to participate.

OP posts:
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5
RampantIvy · 05/12/2023 18:29

The recipient won't know how much you have spent, so buy a gift that looks like it might cost £40 this year. You have had some good suggestions upthread. I'm sure you can opt out next year when you have your feet under the table.

Fightarealfire · 05/12/2023 18:35

Just don’t do it.

wishingiwas20something · 05/12/2023 18:39

Head to ebay or vinted and buy a designer gift for £20 max, that would usually be RRP £40 +. That way you won’t seem Grinchy or have to fork out a stupid amount for a gift for someone you don’t know.

RampantIvy · 05/12/2023 18:40

Fightarealfire · 05/12/2023 18:35

Just don’t do it.

Having read the OP's recent update I can see why she feels railroaded into doing this. I think she will have to suck it up for this year (and buy a cheaper gift)

wishingiwas20something · 05/12/2023 18:42

Like this!

To think this is a strange way to do Secret Santa?
WanderleyWagon · 05/12/2023 18:45

This is a ridiculous amount to be asked to spend on colleagues and I will bet that you are not the only person in the office boggling and stressing about it.
My recommendation would just be to say 'sorry but that isn't in my budget' and not take part. As another poster has said, it's hardly a sackable offence.
If you feel you have to take part, then I would make a £40 gift to a charity or food bank on behalf of whoever your secret santa recipient is. Then at least the money is going to a good cause, rather than just being used to buy more useless tat.

Cnidarian · 05/12/2023 18:48

Forty quid on someone you don't know is mad! Our immediate family secret Santa budget is £40!

tommika · 05/12/2023 18:55

ShoesoftheWorld · 05/12/2023 16:30

You need the German tradition of Schrottwichteln. Everyone wraps up something they have at home and don't want - the tackier or crappier, the better (Schrott = rubbish) and then at the Christmas do, you swap them, Pass the Parcel-style or by putting them all in the middle of the table and each person draws one out. It's a good laugh, nobody spends anything and, very occasionally, one person's rubbish turns out to be just what someone else wanted.

Edited

I’ve just participated in one of these, a great idea.
The core organiser was also shifting a backlog of tat so there was one each, plus spares to go round as a bonus

There were a couple of what at first would be the most unwanted booby prizes but were desired and promptly taken in an ad hic swap shop

RafaFan · 05/12/2023 18:58

Has the company "cancelled Christmas" otherwise e.g. no staff Christmas party or bonus? I wonder if the company budget for such things has been cut, but its trying to maintain Christmas spirit by getting employees to pay for it!

Parentofeanda · 05/12/2023 19:02

Wtf, I only spend £20 on family members.... Fuck £40 on a colleague... That's almost half of what my children get normally for Xmas!!!!

unsync · 05/12/2023 19:06

We have an under £10 budget and must get our presents from a charity shop.

Allyliz · 05/12/2023 19:06

Opt out...ridiculous amount to spend on work associates .. OR .. buy a £5 decoration and whoever gets it, give them the gift you've recieved which should be £40 and take the decorations in exchange 😉

wronginalltherightways · 05/12/2023 19:08

Of course you can opt out.

Go to HR.

Tell them you won't be participating unless the company is giving you the £40 to spend on a stranger. You have a budget, and joining a secret santa group isn't in your personal budget.

FFS

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 05/12/2023 19:10

They can't require you to participate in something that will cost you £40. Just say no, and you may find others feel emboldened to join you in opting out.

Thedm · 05/12/2023 19:12

If it’s the first year that they’ve done it, and this organiser has told everyone that they HAVE to participate then there will absolutely be other people annoyed about it, particularly that other religions are being dismissed and told to do it anyway.

Make a throwaway email address and email HR or whatever manager would handle interpersonal stuff and say the amount is too high for something which is compulsory but also, gift giving should not be compulsory particularly with the different faiths involved and ask them to step in and set a price limit. If you can’t use a throwaway email then write it out and sit it on their desk.

No one will know it is you as it’s the first year, so it’s not like they’ve all happily done it every year and then you start and a complaint is made. It’s the first year so anyone could be making the complaint.

Allyliz · 05/12/2023 19:12

I think Shelter are doing £29 to get a homeless person warm and fed for Christmas....do that and attach the certificate to a box of crackers...because the whole idea is crackers 🤣🤣🤣🤣

LuluBlakey1 · 05/12/2023 19:15

Ours at work- 6 of us- is a secondhand book you think the other person wouldn't have bought themselves but would really enjoy or find intriguing.

I'm quite happy with that.

Ewock · 05/12/2023 19:42

My work secret santa is max of £10. £40 is crazy especially as pp have said in a cost of living crisis.
I don't spend £40 on family members let alone someone I hardly know!

I agree with others look at charity shops, you can get really nice unopened items at a fraction of the cost, work out the brand new cost for those items, and get to the £40 using the price of what it would cost as new.

With friends we are doing so max £5 and has to come from a charity shop, it's a bit of fun.

tachycardigan · 05/12/2023 19:44

I suppose you could look for something that is usually £40 but on sale.

Original poster
Fancylike · 05/12/2023 19:49

I was thinking about asking around my team if they also think the minimum could be lowered. It’s the HR person organising it but I feel like they are confused about how it should go. Ie having a spend limit. We are not in a well paid industry at all but maybe HR is better salary wise!

I can afford this still as I live quite thrifty but it’s more the principle of it. Like others said I’m not spending that much on family members and would spend a bit of time thinking over spending 40 quid on myself for new jeans or similar.

OP posts:
Holidayhell22 · 05/12/2023 19:50

I don’t mind Secret Santa when it’s done the way our work one is. It’s optional, you write a wish list, it’s £10 spend.

ExTheCheater · 05/12/2023 19:51

£40 is my family secret santa maximum. £40 for a colleague you do not know is mad.

Original poster
Fancylike · 05/12/2023 19:51

Also charity shops is a nice idea but not an option where I live without a day trip.
i think as a man it’s also more difficult. Maybe a couple of movie ticket vouchers?

OP posts:
KK05 · 05/12/2023 20:05

I think £40 is a crazy amount to spend on secret Santa I would be opting out with prices like that. It shouldn’t be mandatory as not everyone wants to be included for various reason and with prices like that seems crazy to expect people to agree. I would also not want people to spend that kind of money on stuff I don’t want or need.

On another note we’re using an app this year which generates the names for you then you can go in and create a wish list. This can be linked to various websites. Been so simple this year as I just followed the link to Amazon and paid for it.

last year we had to writes with our names what we like (eg white wine, scents, chocolate etc)

could you suggest one of the above to the organiser as I’m sure others are feeling the same even if they have been with the company longer.

Smellslikesummer · 05/12/2023 20:07

Wheelz46 · 05/12/2023 11:32

@Fancylike How can it not be optional, how can they force you to go out and spend £40 on a present for someone you don't know. What if one of the team members couldn't afford it?

You can't not pass probation because you didn't fancy being part of some secret santa. It's not you being difficult, it's them being unrealistic.

Personally, nobody would be telling me I had to be part of something I didn't want to be included in. This comes from someone who adores Christmas but there is no way I would put added stress on myself to appease some company boss.

Honestly, you really don’t get it? Of course OP can say ‘no, not doing it’. Of course she won’t be fired. But realistically this will mean creating a bad vibe and tainting office relationships for a
very long time. The mast thing you want when starting a new job!
Saying no when you have already established relationships is fine. Saying no at the school gates is fine. Saying no in her situation means spending 8h a day with people who (stupidly, I agree!) will be annoyed with her.