To be irritated DS is 'posh' like DH?

[highlandsabroad]

Ok slightly clickbaity title but please don't flame - supposed to be (sort of) lighthearted!

I am early 40s, DH early-mid 50s. We have 1 DS, who is 13. (who we both totally adore).

I am Scottish and from a very loving, but very ordinary background. My parents were a primary school teacher and a countryside ranger / handyman / tour guide.

DH is from a v. posh part of London and from a family where his mother was basically an heiress + his father a lawyer. They can trace their family back for generations and it's all a bit ridiculous. I don't quite know how we've ended up together but we do love each other. (even though he has voted Tory in the past)

I was stunned that as soon as our DS started talking, he's just sounded exactly like DH. Despite my best efforts to teach him how to use the short 'a' in words (e.g. 'bath') out it comes as if he's been living in Surrey all his life, and as if he didn't have a Scottish bone in his body.

We live in a European country where he attends an international School, which is private but has kids from all over the world, so it's not as if he's even surrounded by little Hooray Henrys.

The other day it emerged DS knows all the distinctions in importance for various noble titles and ranks of the armed forces etc because DH has essentially taught him all this stuff 'because he just ought to know it 🤔'

• *I have taken DS back to my home several times, which he agrees under duress is beautiful, but he already seems more at home in DH's world.

There are some differences in parenting as well - DH assumed we would get a nanny, despite only living in a flat and having quite flexible jobs, and he wants to send DS to some posh boys' camp in the summer (in the UK) that he used to go to with his brothers.

I love DH and DS but I am disturbed by seeing just how strong those English public school genes are from generation to generation ... and I can't quite understand how I, a proud Scottish highlands woman, have somehow contributed to this!

Maybe the OP doesn’t know that accents are discouraged at a lot of private schools. I live in the south west and not a single one of the private schools near me allows the children to develop a local accent. They aren’t subtle about stamping out accents either.

We're both Scottish, living in Scotland, never lived anywhere else. Our DS has a considerably posher accent than either of us, and an inexplicably deep voice.

I don't remember giving birth to Gordon Brown.

My son spoke just like Jeremy Clarkson (we don’t even speak English at home). I always thought it might have been the years he spent in private education when he was young.

Turns out he was watching Top Gear far too often.

This may be a self-resolving issue as she gets older. My Dad had a strong West Country accent, that he picked up from my Nanna (who is from Devon), that disappeared sharply enough when he started primary school in Rosyth!

Although on the other hand, SIL sounds like she's from the Home Counties, despite everyone else in her family (including DH) having audible, if not super strong, Welsh accents. She's never lived outside Wales.

I realise this is not helpful.😂

I am from Manchester and married a posh southern softie. DDs vowels vary between mine and DH's.

So do mine these days, I need more trips up North to recharge my accent.

We also have a long standing loo vs toilet battle going.

Actually, it is lavatory 😄

Your prejudice is disagreeable.

Sorry but private is posh and he will be surrounded by hooray Henrys or the international equivalent. You probably don't realise how he takes after you. Sometimes it's subtle.

And for number three is it dinner or supper??😁

Children will adapt to their surroundings.

I hear the local accent in my DCs in the years since they started school. It's not the strongest, and it is moderated by my more generic, non-local accent. DH's accent doesn't feature.

Their cousins have been raised in more of a diaspora with a faith school, and cultural sports and activties. Their other parent is a second generation migrant and has grown with a stronger culture than DH and his sibling. There might be a class factor in that as DH's family was more about education and getting good jobs in a suburban environment and IL's origins are more rural and detached when there was less affluence in the country. It does feel like a bit of a parody a culture though and once they're out of school it will be quite disconnected from the rest of their lifestyle. When I say parody of a culture, it's that it's much more full on than the other cousins growing up in the actual culture.

An international community will create its own culture, it's not a truely neutral entity.

Tea, surely?

I am Scottish as was the father of my children but as they grew up on military bases around the world the have a Scaley Brat accent, so middle English.

Bit lost here. How else do you pronounce "bath". Unless you mean "bathe".

@BaronessBomburst actually, it is 'smarter' to say scone as in 'gone' (well that is how the Queen said it...). I have always thought that people who say scone as it stone sound like they are trying too hard to be honest.
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/pronounce-scone-jam-cream-first-expert-b2214174.html#:~:text=%E2%80%9CI%20say%20it%20like%20'cone,but%20ultimately%20both%20are%20valid.%E2%80%9D

Hahaha- that made me laugh !

Same problem here. Hearing my son say 'b-ah-th' and 'gr-ah-ss' like his Southern dad is really odd to me sometimes even though I knew he'd speak that way as he's a Sussex boy 😂 He says 'castle' the proper way though 😏

Bath with the short ‘a’ sound found in ‘cat’ versus ‘bath’ with the longer ‘a’ sound in ‘master’ (in some accents — hard without IPA!) Some peoole try to indicate the latter by writing ‘Barth’, but that doesn’t help those of us with rhotic accents.

pronounce scone properly, like it's spelled
@kshaw - 'scon' then. Unless you are pronouncing gone in a very weird way too...

I cannot be doing with this nonsense.

The OP married someone rich. She needs to own it. The OP and her son will most probably already be benefitting from intergenerational wealth. I doubt either of them will end up living in Craiglang, so please spare us the ever so 'umble bullshit.

If a 13 year old is not particularly interested in his background, that is on his parent. However, I would imagine that this will change as he matures, so I would not worry about that.

And finally, I hate the lazy stereotyping of Hooray Henrys. Yes, some posh children are awful spoilt brats, but lots of them are lovely. To misquote Pride and Prejudice (the movie) "It's not their fault they're rich".
I presume the OP thinks her son is nice, despite him knowing army ranks, but does that mean that all his classmates, who attend the same school, and move in the same social circles are dicks?

The thing is, you are far more privileged than you think.

You grew up in beautiful surroundings and one of your parents was a teacher. Also, both your parents were present for your upbringing. I wouldn’t call that ordinary, I’d call that perfect.

You are internationally mobile and your child is in a private school.

As far as I can see, posh people, as posh as the royal family enjoy things like countryside walks. Like where you grew up.

You are a posh person. Which for some reason in our society seems to be an insult, and the target of hate. You hate the fact your family is posh .

My Dds attended an international school in the Middle East for most of primary, and yes, the prevailing accent was RP, but I wouldn’t have called the typical parents ‘posh’ - just mostly fairly average MC. They would have all needed to be in pretty highly qualified occupations anyway, to be in a position to send their children to such a school in the Middle East.

There seems to be a lot of reverse snobbery here. Is it just me, or is it more common from Scots? When presumably there’s the anti-English element thrown in, too.

Oh amazing - snap!

I LOVE the scone map. DH and I are a mixed marriage on this and my ‘scone’ heritage comes from two parents coming from different parts of the country but both scone ones. Neither of us are posh and I have never thought which pronunciation was.