How do I make my husband leave me?

[JackTheSad]

I'm desperate for him to leave me. He seems so irritated by me and the kids and I would find things easier if he wasn't around all the time. I don't love him I don't think.

But if leave him he will make everything impossible. He "jokes" that he will tell everyone I'm a drunk. He has made comments about "winning" if we split. He's v petty.

If he leaves me, we will manage things. He's v good with the kids and we can co parent together I believe. But if I leave him, I suspect the kids will suffer as a result of DH putting me through hell and courts

Am I being totally mad to try and get him to leave me? Just stop making any effort. Am I being really ridiculous or could that ever work?

Didn’t realise how old this post was so please ignore my response and hope things went well.

@Aimtodobetter ha - i forget about this thread. depressingly i am still very much here and made no progress. still miserable. hope you do better than me.

He won't leave you. Why would he? He has nothing to gain as he already holds the power and has freedom and autonomy, and he has a lot to lose in a wife who he can dominate and who meets his needs. The only way to be free of him is to leave him. You think it would be harder than if he left, but remember, to get him to leave would require you to do something pretty bad to him (in his eyes) at which point he wouldn't be reasonable in any settlement anyway, because he'd be angry with you.

"He seems so irritated by me and the kids"
"He will tell everyone I'm a drunk."

Is he justified with the comments with your drinking?

I'm going to sound harsh here, but you've said he's a good dad, just that he's irritated and says/thinks you're a drunk? Those comments don't suggest bad man, just frustrated/stressed man.

To me, if anything, this sounds more like you believing he's fed up with you and the kids. If you're drinking, and that makes his life harder as a result, I could see why this is the case.

So I think there needs to be some clarification...

Were these threats about saying you're a drunk and winning some sort of "what if" joking around, or do you think he is also unhappy and would like to leave, you just don't want to be the one that calls it?

If he doesn't want the relationship to end, I doubt any amount of ideas you could dream up would get him to suddenly decide he'll leave. By all means stop the pretence things are ok so if you don't want to have sex, don't, if you don't feel like doing stuff around the house, don't etc.

Ultimately, you can't live in misery out of fear, even though it's understandable. Try to think about what your life will be like in 5 years' time if you do or don't make this decision. You could be looking back on this as a tough time but have moved on, or you could look back and still be in the same position.

I would do everything you can to get your ducks in a row - financially, support network, kids etc and then approach it maybe by dropping hints initially to see where he is. It sounds like the best approach is to do it in a way that makes him feel like it's his idea e.g. "I can tell you're unhappy, I know you've thought about leaving too, do you want to call it?" sort of thing and hope he takes the lead? Maybe it doesn't matter who leaves who, it sounds like it's about him saving face.
Best of luck

Cat fish him and tempt him away with a fake profile?

How old are your kids op?

Ignore the comments from people who have no idea of how vengeful an scorned man can be.

Men kill women for trying to leave them. All the time.

But you will have to do it. Protect yourself, save money if possible, get emotionally stronger. Tell people about what goes on in your house. Write things down.

Lots of women do it, and they're usually happier after, even if it's very hard.

Start treating him like crap, piss and moan at him over any and every single nuance. Start keeping "score" about who did what etc. Those are the things my DH did when he wanted to end the marriage, but didn't want to be seen as the "bad guy". He became a giant, petty, miserable arsehole, in the hope that I'd leave him, so he could "save face" and be the victim.

I think you’re clutching at straws thinking he’d be reasonable if he left you. He won’t.

Just bite the bullet and make the applications to court yourself.

Just. Leave.

Tell him you've been told you can't drive anymore owing to an eyesight/ neurological issue.
He'll have to do the shopping, etc..

This

Could you record him being coercive and controlling OP? Maybe then get the police involved.

Does he get arsey when he's pissed? What are his weak points?

You could phone an advice line for women who are suffering abuse or are in danger from their partners. You seem very scared of this man and what he might do. And/or find some counselling.