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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ungrateful to be dreading going on holiday with my (very nice!) dad

124 replies

amiungrateful · 03/12/2023 14:04

So my dad lives abroad and whilst I do occasionally come to visit him or he visits me in our respective countries, it's easiest in terms of flights to meet at a beachside holiday destination. My dad is paying for me to come on a 3 week holiday with my 2 year old daughter at a 5 star luxury resort, sandy beach, beautiful. I should really be grateful.

BUT I’m really dreading it. My daughter is hard work, as are most 2 year olds. My dad doesn’t help much, he’s very much a loving grandad who will pop in for a quick game of chase with her, might read her a book or two, but not someone keen to do more. His stance on it is he’s older, he’s done that with his own kids, grandparents’ roles are to enjoy grandkids. Plus he feels by taking us to luxury resorts he’s already treating us. And he is. Every time he sees us I can tell he adores my daughter, looks thrilled when she runs to hug him, and she loves him too!

At least at home I’ve got my husband who comes home in the evenings and after work he can help out. Here my dad will go out with his girlfriend for dinner whilst I have to stay in as no way would my 2 year old sit still in a restaurant, she’d want to be running around and exploring. At home I could meet up with mum friends for a play date. Here it’ll just be me and my daughter playing in the sand all day, whilst my dad comes in for a quick play from time to time, but mostly will be relaxing on the beach like a grownup. Just feels like the holiday would be very tiring and lonely. I know my dad would be quite surprised if I didn’t go, he’d think I’m ungrateful and it would definitely create tension.

My husband would join for the first week but after that he’s got to go back to work due to limited holiday allowance.

Boo hoo first world problems, i know. Am I just being an ungrateful spoilt girl?!

OP posts:
BiggerBoat1 · 03/12/2023 14:16

It does sound as if you're looking for a problem that's not there. Surely this is something to look forward to and a wonderful chance for your daughter to spend time with you and your Dad.
I'll admit to being biased. My lovely Dad died before my children were born and I'd have given anything to be in your situation. Maybe look for the positives rather than the negatives?

Zone2NorthLondon · 03/12/2023 14:17

Inevitably you’ll get a poor you boo boo pasting and told at least have got a dad..

Original poster
amiungrateful · 03/12/2023 14:19

BiggerBoat1 · 03/12/2023 14:16

It does sound as if you're looking for a problem that's not there. Surely this is something to look forward to and a wonderful chance for your daughter to spend time with you and your Dad.
I'll admit to being biased. My lovely Dad died before my children were born and I'd have given anything to be in your situation. Maybe look for the positives rather than the negatives?

I think I did partly ask the question knowing deep down I am being ungrateful.
Just can't help feeling like it'll be super lonely him just popping in for 5-10 minutes to play, then as soon as there's a tantrum or he fancies reading more of his newspaper he's gone and I'm all solo for the day.

OP posts:
W0tnow · 03/12/2023 14:19

Kids Club? She might be too young, my kids are big now, I forget the minimum age?

adomizo · 03/12/2023 14:19

It does sound amazing but I do understand your point. Is there any kids club you could access ? 3 weeks is a really long holiday could it be shorter ? Don't you have an urgent appointment to attend 😉

Original poster
amiungrateful · 03/12/2023 14:19

W0tnow · 03/12/2023 14:19

Kids Club? She might be too young, my kids are big now, I forget the minimum age?

Yes I think she's too small!

OP posts:
Queucumber · 03/12/2023 14:19

Do they have a crèche or babysitting service?

Queucumber · 03/12/2023 14:21

Some places take children from 12 months.

FionnulaTheCooler · 03/12/2023 14:21

Could you tell him that 3 weeks is just too long for your DD to be out of her normal routine and in future keep it to one week only? I get where you're coming from, holidays with young children are not really a holiday for the parent, its just dealing with the same shit in a different location, even more difficult if you don't have support to get a break from it.

Allfur · 03/12/2023 14:22

So because op still has a dad, she's not allowed to complain? if we set that standard for most problems on mumsnet it wouldn't exist!

Original poster
amiungrateful · 03/12/2023 14:22

Queucumber · 03/12/2023 14:21

Some places take children from 12 months.

I know... I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her alone in a crèche. I just wish I had some adult company at some point in the day. Not just for the 5 minutes until my dad gets "bored" of playing with us.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 03/12/2023 14:23

3 weeks is a long time. Would a compromise be 2 weeks.
I’d look carefully into resort and see if there’s one more family friendly.
Is bringing a friend an option?

Birdsongsinging · 03/12/2023 14:24

I wouldn’t want to go for 3 weeks. One max or even 10 days.

Fionaville · 03/12/2023 14:24

YABU you're dad would be right to think you are being ungrateful.
I used to travel with my kids when they were baby/toddlers. We'd fly out to meet DH working abroad. He'd be in work all day while we roamed cities etc. At one point I had a 2 and 4 year old. Being in a resort with a pool, play ground and entertainment is definitely easier. You're toddler will probably make friends too. It sounds lovely.

Haggisfish3 · 03/12/2023 14:28

I’m totally with you. I’d hate this. I think it’s quite selfish actually. I’d be heading home with dh.

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 14:31

I think, if you can afford it and according on the location, there are things you can do to make life easier on yourself. So rather than just beach/pool try doing some mini trips - into town, to visit touristy things. Not entirely straight-forward with a 2 year old but even things like a bus journey or going to a shop or cafe are "entertainment" at that age. And as for the evenings, hopefully the sea and sand will have done their work by that point and she'll sleep whilst you can enjoy a glass of wine and relax. Or, if you are for instance in Spain, just pop her in her pushchair and go out for a meal with her.

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 14:32

I also think going for 2 weeks rather thsn 3 might be a good idea.

Original poster
amiungrateful · 03/12/2023 14:33

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 14:31

I think, if you can afford it and according on the location, there are things you can do to make life easier on yourself. So rather than just beach/pool try doing some mini trips - into town, to visit touristy things. Not entirely straight-forward with a 2 year old but even things like a bus journey or going to a shop or cafe are "entertainment" at that age. And as for the evenings, hopefully the sea and sand will have done their work by that point and she'll sleep whilst you can enjoy a glass of wine and relax. Or, if you are for instance in Spain, just pop her in her pushchair and go out for a meal with her.

It'll be too hot to be anywhere but the beach in the daytime. I would absolutely melt heading into town, let alone a 2 year old.

She doesn't sleep in the pushchair, and if we took her to a restaurant she'd sit still for maximum 15-30 minutes on a good day.

OP posts:
Original poster
amiungrateful · 03/12/2023 14:36

@Birdsongsinging @Haggisfish3 @DisquietintheRanks

I'd love to go for a shorter time but a) he's paying for flights so I assume he wouldn't pay if we weren't flying with him, b) he's always pushing for longer holidays and this was originally meant to be 3 weeks so he began saying "maybe a month or 4 weeks then? It's not like she's in school or you have to get back to work? Ok, only 3?! Right, in that case let's do 3 weeks plus a weekend"

OP posts:
Keepinmovin · 03/12/2023 14:36

Phone the hotel or look online, if it's 5 star I am sure they'll have a creche or babysitting service. If they have a kids pool area then you may make friends with other parents. My first holiday alone with the kids, I managed to get acquainted with a lady who was very nice and we could chat whilst the kids played. I had literally no other adults so you at least have you dad, and if you can find some kind of babysitting service then maybe you can have some adult time in the evening or something. If it's that posh you may have a balcony or seating area and put your DC to sleep and invite your Dad and gf for drinks or something at your room.
3 weeks does seem long tho.. can you suggest that your DH would miss you too much and 2 weeks would be better?

Original poster
amiungrateful · 03/12/2023 14:38

Keepinmovin · 03/12/2023 14:36

Phone the hotel or look online, if it's 5 star I am sure they'll have a creche or babysitting service. If they have a kids pool area then you may make friends with other parents. My first holiday alone with the kids, I managed to get acquainted with a lady who was very nice and we could chat whilst the kids played. I had literally no other adults so you at least have you dad, and if you can find some kind of babysitting service then maybe you can have some adult time in the evening or something. If it's that posh you may have a balcony or seating area and put your DC to sleep and invite your Dad and gf for drinks or something at your room.
3 weeks does seem long tho.. can you suggest that your DH would miss you too much and 2 weeks would be better?

I've previously suggested that DH would miss me (on a different holiday but similar length) and my DF actually got kind of annoyed, started making jokes like "ok so DH can't travel more because of his job, fine, makes sense. But he's also wanting you and Baby to babysit him in the city instead of getting fresh air, sun, swimming in the sea?"

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 03/12/2023 14:38

Can your husband come out for the middle week?

Also can you afford some kids clubs / do the hotel have a babysitting service

theduchessofspork · 03/12/2023 14:39

And also just go for two weeks in future - TThat’s all you have free, the end.

Original poster
amiungrateful · 03/12/2023 14:40

In terms of babysitting service, yes there's a babysitting service but I doubt the babysitter would be able to put her to bed (she doesn't go to sleep for anyone except me, not even DH) and I think if I were to leave her she'd need to get used to the babysitter first, which would already eat up like the first week or two, so I'd only reap benefits in the last week if at all.

On that note: is it legal for me to put a nannycam in my hotel room?

OP posts:
TheCave · 03/12/2023 14:41

Is the resort booked? I would actively look for a hotel with a baby room - many of them abroad have Ofsted standards and are run by lovely staff. For your own sanity and enjoyment just use it a few times a week. She will be fine at age 2 - she will probably love all the toys and activities - and you will then enjoy the time you have with her more.

3 weeks sounds a bit long though, especially in a resort hotel where it's really hot and you can't do much exploring due to the heat. I'd try to stick to 2 weeks.

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