Page 5 | If you do 'attachment parenting'/BLW will you really let your child breastfeed until any age they do?

porridgeisbae · 2023-12-03T13:14:11+00:00

I just started watching this Dr. Phil episode. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNeyMG2kAcM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNeyMG2kAcM]] If you do 'baby led weaning' or similar, would you really let your child breastfeed or suck on your boob to whatever age they want? Or would you have a cut off point really even if the child wanted to carry it on? I'm aware that in other cultures they often breastfeed until an older age than we do.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 03/12/2023 16:36

The reason I added 'suck on your boob' is I can imagine a time might come where there's not really much milk coming out but the child still wants to try and do it. But I have completely no experience so maybe that doesn't happen

That doesn't happen. Breast milk continues to change and adapt to baby. Milk only stops if you completely stop breastfeeding.

So you are left with just an unpleasant, misogynistic, anti-breastfeeding comment.

nutbrownhare15 · 03/12/2023 16:41

I would have probably felt similar prior to breastfeeding myself, I have now learned to be a lot less judgemental, including of people who chose to breastfeed for longer than I did (and I breastfed my kids for much longer than the UK norm). You clearly have no idea of the nuance and complexity underpinning women's decisions in relation to breastfeeding. Women may start with an age in mind (I didn't) which may then fall by the wayside as women weigh up the many potential advantages and disadvantages of continuing a breastfeeding relationship.

Original poster

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 16:42

@MissBuffyAnneSummers I wasn't being misogynistic at all I just imagined at some point it would get to that. Of course some women get that their supply dries up at some point, it can happen to some women at any time.

OP posts:

Ostryga · 03/12/2023 16:47

CalistoNoSolo · 03/12/2023 14:01

Because they want to keep the baby 100% reliant stage going as long as possible. It's really strange, like they are afraid they willl lose their identity if they don't have a babe in arms.

Show quote history

I assume you’ve never bf a baby. Trust me if they don’t want to bf they won’t. Especially when they’re older and have teeth!

I think a lot of these comments are made my formula feeding mums who haven’t got a clue.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 03/12/2023 16:51

@Ostryga

I think a lot of these comments are made my formula feeding mums who haven’t got a clue

I agree

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 03/12/2023 16:53

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 16:42

@MissBuffyAnneSummers I wasn't being misogynistic at all I just imagined at some point it would get to that. Of course some women get that their supply dries up at some point, it can happen to some women at any time.

Most unlikely in extended breastfeeding.

AlltheFs · 03/12/2023 16:58

Gosh the Formula Feeders with all their guilt hangups are out in force on this thread. Mumsnet hates anyone that actually liked breastfeeding and is good at it.

DD naturally weaned at 26 months which was right for us. I would have gone on as long as it suited us both. We also loosely practice attachment parenting, co-slept and did BLW etc

In practical terms having a subsequent pregnancy and baby is often what brings BF for the older child to a close. Pregnancy alters the milk and although some people do tandem feed it is quite hard and most people don’t.

I can’t understand why anyone gives a flying fuck what I use my own tits for. It impacts who exactly?!

Americano75 · 03/12/2023 16:59

As I said upthread, my daughter fed past 3, and we stopped because I had a cyst in my right breast. They wanted to give me a mammogram but couldn't because they wouldn't be able to see anything. I had to wait a full six months after stopping before I could have the mammogram, because the milk ducts needed that amount of time to clear. It doesn't disappear overnight.

GloomySkies · 03/12/2023 16:59

CalistoNoSolo · 03/12/2023 13:32

Dd was around 1yo when she self weaned. I do think that a lot of women keep bfing for themselves rather than their child but that's an unpopular opinion.

It's a stupid opinion, how on earth would someone get a toddler to latch and feed if they didn't want to? I couldn't even get my toddler to take some calpol, eat peas, or wear gloves when it was freezing.

S23 · 03/12/2023 17:02

Outliers · 03/12/2023 13:27

Beyond a year is just weird imo - especially in this day and age.

But people are free to do as they please.

No wonder there are so many parents on here struggling so much with the toddler years if this attitude is anything to go by.

Toddler overstimulated... Breastfeed... Problem instantly solved
Toddler hungry and hangry at really inopportune moment... Breastfeed... Problem instantly solved
Toddler fallen over and hurt themselves... Breastfeed... Problem instantly solved the majority of the time
Train breakdowns and takes 5 hours longer than the expected 5 hours journey to get home in a heatwave with limited access to snacks and drinks... Breastfeed
Etc etc

It's not just about nutritional requirements.

I could count the number of tantrums my daughter had as a toddler on one hand. She didn't even lose it that day on the train.

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't choose to breastfeed if they are able too. It's not just about the, often difficult, newborn phase, it is an investment for an easier time later on.

Sauvblanctime · 03/12/2023 17:03

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 03/12/2023 16:36

The reason I added 'suck on your boob' is I can imagine a time might come where there's not really much milk coming out but the child still wants to try and do it. But I have completely no experience so maybe that doesn't happen

That doesn't happen. Breast milk continues to change and adapt to baby. Milk only stops if you completely stop breastfeeding.

So you are left with just an unpleasant, misogynistic, anti-breastfeeding comment.

✊🏻

Sauvblanctime · 03/12/2023 17:04

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 16:42

@MissBuffyAnneSummers I wasn't being misogynistic at all I just imagined at some point it would get to that. Of course some women get that their supply dries up at some point, it can happen to some women at any time.

Supply and demand. Your boobs make the milk as long as there’s the demand for it

spriots · 03/12/2023 17:05

I find this really interesting as I know nobody personally who breastfed past age 2 - but equally, I don’t tell many people how long I breastfed my DC for!

I don't think many people I know are aware that I am still breastfeeding the 4 year old. I think there's more extended breastfeeding happening than people realise

Sauvblanctime · 03/12/2023 17:09

CalistoNoSolo · 03/12/2023 13:32

Dd was around 1yo when she self weaned. I do think that a lot of women keep bfing for themselves rather than their child but that's an unpopular opinion.

AHAHAHAHAAAA yes 🙄🙄

have you tried to get toddlers - 4yo to do what you want them to?

no one keeps bf for themselves 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

CatMadam · 03/12/2023 17:10

tiggergoesbounce · 03/12/2023 16:00

We say we did BLW, in no way did i realise it could mean i did extended breastfeeding. I thought it just meant we didnt do the mushy stage and we went straight to food where they fed themselves.

When people say they believe mums do extending breastfeeding for themselves, it obviously doesn't mean they are forcing their toddlers/children. It means that when it becomes a comfort rather than a need to for healty benefits, is it because the mother likes being needed as the comforter, not enjoying the process, but the fact they are needed as a comforter. I have a friend who said they will be upset at not being needed anymore to sooth their child. Which i thought odd.

I say each to their own. If its of genuine benefit to the child still, carry on.

But if the child still enjoys breastfeeding, clearly it’s not just for the benefit of the mother.

Blessedbethefruitz · 03/12/2023 17:10

My youngest (and last) is 2 in January and still going strong. She's been in full time nursery since 7 months old and takes no milk there, but still feasts in the evenings and weekends (she is a fantastic eater too). She's a huge mama's girl, I think it's partly to keep me near. I still feed her in public too in the carrier usually. She's short and not gifted with much hair so people might think she's younger!

I will have to wean her next year as I've been so far getting out of work trips (5 days or so, Africa) with the breastfeeding, but I can't get away with it next year. I've no idea how to do this, she doesn't usually respond to being offered food instead.

I didn't manage to breastfeed my first. I'm not sure how beneficial the milk is, but he's had strep a so many times now, and tonsillitis, but she's never caught it.

Mainly though, I think people should mind their own about how parents feed their babies (provided it's nutritional and safe of course!). Never heard of a breastfeeding teenager after all.

Sauvblanctime · 03/12/2023 17:11

spriots · 03/12/2023 17:05

I find this really interesting as I know nobody personally who breastfed past age 2 - but equally, I don’t tell many people how long I breastfed my DC for!

I don't think many people I know are aware that I am still breastfeeding the 4 year old. I think there's more extended breastfeeding happening than people realise

Fed my 6yo until he was 4! The only person who seemed bothered was my ex FIL

asked him why my boobs were on his mind and he never asked again 🤣🤣

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/12/2023 17:20

S23 · 03/12/2023 17:02

No wonder there are so many parents on here struggling so much with the toddler years if this attitude is anything to go by.

Toddler overstimulated... Breastfeed... Problem instantly solved
Toddler hungry and hangry at really inopportune moment... Breastfeed... Problem instantly solved
Toddler fallen over and hurt themselves... Breastfeed... Problem instantly solved the majority of the time
Train breakdowns and takes 5 hours longer than the expected 5 hours journey to get home in a heatwave with limited access to snacks and drinks... Breastfeed
Etc etc

It's not just about nutritional requirements.

I could count the number of tantrums my daughter had as a toddler on one hand. She didn't even lose it that day on the train.

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't choose to breastfeed if they are able too. It's not just about the, often difficult, newborn phase, it is an investment for an easier time later on.

Show quote history

I think if mothers expect not to be judged for breastfeeding an older child then it has to work both ways and mothers should also not be judged for not breastfeeding at all.

Either way, it is the mothers body and her choice about how long she wishes to breastfeed, if at all.

tiggergoesbounce · 03/12/2023 17:24

But if the child still enjoys breastfeeding, clearly it’s not just for the benefit of the mother

There are lots of things that kids enjoy, or that sooth them that are of no benefit to them or even to their detriment.

But some women dont seem to want to acknowledge it is for them as well never mind just for their benefit. They sound slightly like a martyr about it, citing the negatives they endure to continue on so long, when ultimately its their choice, their body.

Again, im very much your body your choice.

Original poster

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 17:30

I don't think breastfeeding is known to be particularly pleasant for the mum, especially once there's a risk of teeth. It's said to be pretty annoying, that's why most people stop relatively early.

So I do think people are doing it because they think it's the best thing for their child.

OP posts:

3WildOnes · 03/12/2023 17:32

One of my best friends allowed her children to self wean. I think they all stopped breastfeeding sometime between 3 and 7. Her children are all super confident, popular, sporty, etc. Unless she told you, you would never guess. She is not at all hippy ish, she's quite glamorous and v middle class.

S23 · 03/12/2023 17:33

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 17:30

I don't think breastfeeding is known to be particularly pleasant for the mum, especially once there's a risk of teeth. It's said to be pretty annoying, that's why most people stop relatively early.

So I do think people are doing it because they think it's the best thing for their child.

Totally agree with this.

I had a really strong aversion to breastfeeding (and reduced supply) just before and during my period which returned when DD was 13 months old.

Once a month, thereafter, until DD stopped breastfeeding at 3.4 years breastfeeding was definitely far from enjoyable.

spriots · 03/12/2023 17:33

porridgeisbae · 03/12/2023 17:30

I don't think breastfeeding is known to be particularly pleasant for the mum, especially once there's a risk of teeth. It's said to be pretty annoying, that's why most people stop relatively early.

So I do think people are doing it because they think it's the best thing for their child.

I have been breastfeeding for four years now, he bit me once when he was about 7 months and never again. Teeth are overstated as a breastfeeding issue.

I don't enjoy breastfeeding as such but I do enjoy the closeness. I am happy to stop whenever he is ready

Parker231 · 03/12/2023 17:37

HappyAsASandboy · 03/12/2023 13:55

Yes, I did.

DC1 was 2yrs 6mo
DC2 was 2yrs 9mo
DC3 was 4yrs 4mo
DC4 was 3yrs 1mo

How did you/DC’s manage when you were back at work or away overnight? I was back at work after six months and as well as social overnight trips away I also had to travel internationally for work on a regular basis.

HappyAsASandboy · 03/12/2023 17:49

@Parker231 I went back to work at 12 months with all of them. They drank cows milk in the day from sippy cups and fed from me all bloody night. I did occasional overnights away from 12 months for work, and they were just offered a sippy cup of cows milk by my husband or mum, whoever was with them overnight.