If you do 'attachment parenting'/BLW will you really let your child breastfeed until any age they do?

[porridgeisbae]

I just started watching this Dr. Phil episode.

If you do 'baby led weaning' or similar, would you really let your child breastfeed or suck on your boob to whatever age they want? Or would you have a cut off point really even if the child wanted to carry it on?

I'm aware that in other cultures they often breastfeed until an older age than we do.

Lovely phrasing there: "suck on your boob". Not precisely neutral.

I weaned my DD at 4 because nursing aversion had kicked in majorly and it was damaging my relationship with her. My DS weaned himself at 3 3/4.

Both had significant food restrictions (allergies, SPD, autism etc) and still do. Breastfeeding was the best way of ensuring their health, as well as comfort etc.

It's biologically normal. Humans have evolved to lose the ability to latch between 5 and 8ish, which is when a lot of other societies finish weaning. I'd ask why people feel the need to sexualise children tbh.

When one of the partners is done, it ends.
I like this mantra, and it works on a feed to feed basis as well as for bf overall. For example, I let them demand feed at night until we got to a stage where it was bothering me enough to have that battle, then I said no to night feeding.

DS actually stopped when i was pg with DD, then rather unexpectedly started again after she was born. I thought he would try and not remember how and lose interest. He carried on till just after starting school, wasn't even the only kid in his class so maybe it's more common than you think when you get talking to people. It was a first thing in the morning thing for DS so nobody would know unless we told them.

ds stopped around 1 year old, essentially by himself, I hadn't really thought about stopping much by that point. One night I went to feed him and he bit me. Hard! Next day he didn't ask for any feeds and he just wanted to go straight to bed at night and that was the end of bf for us.

bf 2-3 year olds seems strange to me just because I haven't personally seen in real life, but I do think children much over 1 year old shouldn't be using baby bottles (for milk, or water/juice).

Is bf at 3 years old really any different to a bottle at 3 years old? Surely they only want bottles/dummies/boobs out of habit/for comfort at that age? If someone was giving their child a bottle at 3 years old it would be looked upon very negatively as restricting their development.

@NoTouch if you are asking a serious question - no, bottles and dummies are in no way equivalent to bf. Bf is a source of nutrition and antibodies: human children are designed to consume it until they no longer require it, ie somewhere between the ages of 2 and 7. Bottles and dummies - especially over the age of 1 - are pacifying devices designed to replace bf (either for convenience or, occasionally, necessity), and as you imply, have negative consequences for oral anatomy and speech development. Your average bf 3yo is probably feeding for a couple of minutes in the morning and night time before bed - a decent shot of immune system boosting goodness and yes, connection with mum for a lot of children. Mine are not comfort feeders (they want words or cuddles like most other kids their age) but they do feed more when unwell, which is a protective biological mechanism whereby my body has produced antibodies in the breastmilk in response to the pathogens we’ve encountered. In short: breastmilk is medicine and food delivered in a way which does not damage teeth or speech, and is recommended until at least age 2. Dummies and bottles are plastic and not recommended beyond age 1.

This 💯

The NHS and WHO says you should try and breast feed until at least 2 years.

Still feeding at 3. No plans to stop until she wants to self-wean. There’s no need to and it’s beneficial for the both of us.

^recommends A MINIMUM of 2 years.

So absolutely those who are suggesting it's weird or just for the parent past 1 year seem to only be basing that off cultural and personal feeling than actual scientific evidence and recommendations.

I'm still bf ds who is one. I would like to get to 2 for him because that's the recommended minimum age to breastfeed to. And personally we had a very difficult journey with establishing and maintaining breastfeeding so it's really only been in the last 2-3 months that it's been an enjoyable and not worrying experience for me. Ds clearly takes comfort from it, he's just over a stomach bug and refused all solids but would happily take breastmilk and I was so glad I still had a way to feed him that was gentle enough on his tummy that he could keep it down and keep him hydrated. So if its working for both of us and both of us are benefiting from it, then why wouldn't I continue.

After 2 I think I'll probably follow my gut and ds's cues on when to wean unless it stops working for either one of us between now and then.

I actually think a lot of the push for women to stop feeding at around 1 is more about the fear of still breastfeeding while returning to work and many women feel the need to stop before then due to lack of support from employers re:pumping etc. I know I was very worried about this but actually it's been fine and I've not needed to pump in work.

If you even think socially, any small benefit that helps boost children's immune systems to help them manage all the bugs and germs they pick up in nursery or childcare is also going to contribute to parents needing less time off work caring for their children, and in particular will help women sustain their role in the workplace given that women commonly provide the lions share of childcare. That also boosts our economy etc... so improving bf rates and encouraging longer bf really benefits everyone in society indirectly.

Maybe this says something about the middle class parenting of the wealthy borough of London where I live but I find it more rare to meet a mum who stops at 6 months. Loads I know are still BF’ing from 2 onwards.

The NHS advise us to breastfeed until the age of 2 now and so getting to 3, like this child, is not a big stretch. I think Dr Phil is a massive idiot for calling it creepy - a man of a different generation, I guess.

Mine got first teeth at 6 weeks and had a full set by 18 months.

Didn't impact bf at all.

I plan to breastfeed until my son is ready to stop. The UK has a very odd relationship with breastfeeding. It’s considered strange to breastfeed beyond a year for some reason if you breastfeed at all. The world health organisation recommends breastfeeding exclusively for 6 months and then alongside solids at least until the age of two. So I’m planning to breastfeed until he’s two at least, then for however long he wants. Obviously if he decides he’s ready to stop before two I’m not going to force him to keep going. But if he wants to carry on until 4 or 5 that’s fine too. The global average to stop breastfeeding is four, so it’s not actually “weird” to breastfeed a child of that age, the UK have just decided it is. If he was seven or so and still interested in breastfeeding I might have to draw the line somewhere, but that very rarely happens. Children grow out of it naturally in their own time.

There's some really old fashioned prejudiced guff still around about bf.

I don't really attachment parent tbh but I did do natural term weaning. They all naturally stopped of their own desire. Age 5. Age 4 1/2 and Age 4. I didn't have a cut off point because I didn't believe they wouldn't naturally stop and I would have to make one.

It suited our family. I have no regrets about it and if I had another child I would do the same.

I just continued until it stopped working for one or the other of us.

DS1 was slightly over 4. He stopped when he wanted to because it never became an issue for me.

DS2 I got pregnant when he was 2y3m and this caused me serious nursing aversion so I weaned off at some point over the next few months (can't remember exactly)

DS3 is 2y3m and I am not planning to be pregnant again but he does seem to be winding down - he will often ask for something else other than breastfeeding now and generally sleeps through the night.

Yes I'm still nursing DS5.

@Outliers - the World Health Organisation recommends till AT LEAST two for the best health outcomes. Why on Earth would over-one be "weird"

My child's first teeth arrived at 4.5 months. So I'd have had to stop way ahead of medical guidance and weaning to solids if I'd been led by that. The first teeth don't make a difference anyway because the tongue covers them.

By a year there were maybe 12 teeth. I'm still feeding now at 18months and there are lots of teeth, but other than one week where there was some biting (which was swiftly and decisively stopped) it's never made the tiniest bit of difference.

We say we did BLW, in no way did i realise it could mean i did extended breastfeeding. I thought it just meant we didnt do the mushy stage and we went straight to food where they fed themselves.

When people say they believe mums do extending breastfeeding for themselves, it obviously doesn't mean they are forcing their toddlers/children. It means that when it becomes a comfort rather than a need to for healty benefits, is it because the mother likes being needed as the comforter, not enjoying the process, but the fact they are needed as a comforter. I have a friend who said they will be upset at not being needed anymore to sooth their child. Which i thought odd.

I say each to their own. If its of genuine benefit to the child still, carry on.

I've a friend who bf 3 children until they were 7/8. They're now early teens and she still hasn't had a full nights sleep and had so much trouble leaving them at school or doing anything without her. She's now exhausted and miserable.

A lot of people would understand baby led weaning to mean something totally different

Yes I'm not an expert so I didn't know what to put in the title :)

Suck on a boob???

the world health organisation recommends bf until they’re 2

fed one until he was 4. Currently feeding 14mo

it’s not like you’re constantly feeding them when they’re 4. Feed to sleep normally, that’s it. Why wouldn’t you give your child nutritionally what’s best and what comforts them?

your body your choice. Your child wouldn’t do it if they didn’t want to.

and yes. Blw / attachment parenting and contact naps and my babies are happy & healthy and know mama is always there
for them. Confident & cheeky monkeys

What do you want from this thread, porridge

Nothing in particular, just interested.

This then forces weaning earlier then would be natural in a more traditional human society.

I can see that say, in a hunter-gatherer society, they might want to breast feed their child as long as possible so they have a relatively secure and convenient food source (as long as the mum has enough food.)

The reason I added 'suck on your boob' is I can imagine a time might come where there's not really much milk coming out but the child still wants to try and do it. But I have completely no experience so maybe that doesn't happen.

I can't say I fully understand what attachment parenting is, I didn't research parenting styles I just followed my instincts and did what worked for myself and our family.

So breastfeed until it stops working for you and child, or don't breastfeed, co sleep or don't co sleep. It's weird to care what others are doing.

Strange name for a parenting style though, as if parents who do it differently are somehow less 'attached.'

I find this really interesting as I know nobody personally who breastfed past age 2 - but equally, I don’t tell many people how long I breastfed my DC for!

I hoped to get to age 2 with both of mine, and oddly developed nursing aversion with each one shortly before their third birthday and weaned them at that point. (I hadn’t realised there was a term for it, so glad it’s not just me.) It just wasn’t a relaxing or pleasant experience for me by that age as they both were quite big and restless, and feeds tended to be very brief - a few minutes morning and evening. DC1 was upset for a few days, DC2 seemed quite unbothered.

Most people I know seem to have either struggled to get past the first few weeks (often due to a lack of support), or fed until well past age one. I always said I wanted mine to self-wean but I was ready to stop before they were, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable. We didn’t do strict attachment parenting or BLW, though probably followed some of the principles of both.

Still breastfeeding my 4 year old but not otherwise an attachment parent.

I just don't see a good reason to stop - he is very independent, happy to be away from me, will go to bed without breastfeeding, can be away from me overnight etc

It's nothing like breastfeeding an infant, he feeds most mornings and some evenings only. My supply is very settled - I can be away from him for a week and not need to pump but milk is still there.