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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be horrified to learn that there are men .. TMI warning

448 replies

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/12/2023 18:03

This is not a men bashing thread
There are actual adult men that are unaware that periods can't be controlled like other body fluids and that pads and tampons are there in case of leaks. That we can hold it in until we visit the toilet.

At first I thought bullshit, then I realised, actually how would they know unless someone specifically pointed out the difference. I can't remember ever being told this, because I started in primary school before I learned about it at school.

I discovered this from a Reddit post so probably bs that a single parent man who was probably quite poor and thought that his daughter was wasteful/ too lazy to just not wait to visit the toilet.

I have never in my life met any man that thought this, but then again, I have never asked, but then I think about how many millions of people are uneducated about things that don't really affect them.

This is batshit, right ?

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modgepodge · 02/12/2023 18:04

I’m not that surprised. I am a primary teacher who has to cover periods in PSHE and I always make it explicitly clear that it’s not like a wee that you choose when to do it, it just happens constantly for a few days. I do only teach girls though so I’m not helping the next generation of men unfortunately!

SiliconHeaven · 02/12/2023 18:04

I’ve heard this, yes. Scary isn’t it.

Flickersy · 02/12/2023 18:05

To be fair there are women who think you shouldn't take baths on your period.

It's the constant under-education and squeamishness about women's health and natural bodily functions that are to blame.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/12/2023 18:05

Sorry if this has been discussed before but there is no way of searching this specific topic you understand 🤭.

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Mistymist · 02/12/2023 18:06

I had an university colleague who thought women peed through the vagina, probably thinking that our anatomy is similar to men's.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/12/2023 18:08

modgepodge · 02/12/2023 18:04

I’m not that surprised. I am a primary teacher who has to cover periods in PSHE and I always make it explicitly clear that it’s not like a wee that you choose when to do it, it just happens constantly for a few days. I do only teach girls though so I’m not helping the next generation of men unfortunately!

Well that does make sense then, like I said I'm not blaming them for things they were never taught.

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PuttingDownRoots · 02/12/2023 18:09

Hopefully boys will know better. I know at DDs school the boys had their own lesson about periods (thankfully separate... as there was still embarrassment from some of the girls just knowing the boys were discussing it)

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/12/2023 18:09

SiliconHeaven · 02/12/2023 18:04

I’ve heard this, yes. Scary isn’t it.

So scary and a little bit unnecessary to be honest.

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CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 02/12/2023 18:11

Since mine has been completely stopped for months and really light for years (amenorrhea) but who used to have to use a new maxi pad and orange tampon every three hours, I can say it can be consciously slightly reduced but yes, it’s impossible to stop it leaving the body when it wants to. Most men don’t have much understanding of female reproductive systems anyway though. It’s a combination of a weird sort of squeamishness and segregation of sex education. I was surprised to learn several facts gleaned from boyfriends over the years like penises can be a bit bendy, they can ejaculate in their sleep, their foreskins act as a sort of extra bit of lube etc.

WanderingWitches · 02/12/2023 18:15

I has a grandmother argue the toss with me on twitter that you had to remove your tampon to pee.
She birthed 3 children.
Scary

enchantedsquirrelwood · 02/12/2023 18:16

There are actual adult men that are unaware that periods can't be controlled like other body fluids and that pads and tampons are there in case of leaks. That we can hold it in until we visit the toilet

There are actual adult women who think this too. See any thread about girls needing to go to the loo during lessons at school. Teachers say the girls can hang on until break. MNers agree. Admittedly they are a minority. But they exist!

See also farts, apparently you can hold those in, too.

suntannedsnowball · 02/12/2023 18:17

I have to remove my tampon to pee though

I can't fully empty my bladder with one in Sad

ActDottie · 02/12/2023 18:17

There was a guy who went viral a few years back for a tweet saying women were just lazy and couldn’t be bothered to go to the toilet and that was why they needed tampons and pads…

I think it was in relation to a campaign for the removal of VAT on period products. And he basically said they were luxury products because we could just hold it in…

SavBlancTonight · 02/12/2023 18:18

Well, the mother of a friend of ds' admitted to me once that when they were doing basic sex Ed in year 5 or 6, that it was causing huge issues with her ds as until that point, she had told him the stork brought babies. I kid you not.

So I can easily see why men don't know this shit.

Its ridiculous. She also, bless her, told me that in their small house with one bathroom she had spent the last 10 years hiding any evidence of periods from her children!! U like my ds who, as a toddler, regularly got chats from me about why we were in the bathroom while I was bleeding and not hurt!

ANightingale · 02/12/2023 18:23

Flickersy · 02/12/2023 18:05

To be fair there are women who think you shouldn't take baths on your period.

It's the constant under-education and squeamishness about women's health and natural bodily functions that are to blame.

In fairness, I can see why some would be squeamish about fishing out floating blood clots. I put up with it because a hot bath was one of the few things that eased the pain, but I imagine if that's not a factor, most would rather shower.

LaughingCat · 02/12/2023 18:24

This doesn’t surprise me - most of them also seem to think that the hymen is like some sort of thin flesh barrier sealing the channel that gets burst through. Like…whut? Knowledge of basic biology is definitely lacking for a lot of people.

CanadianJohn · 02/12/2023 18:26

A few memories...

when I was 13 (over 60 years ago) the girls at school had a lesson on menstruation - boys very strictly excluded.

when I was 15, a girl raised her hand in class, said she HAD to go to the washroom. The young male teacher told her to wait. A minute or two later, the girl asked again, was refused again. The poor girl just got up and walked out of the classroom, with the teacher shouting at her.

when I was ... about 23, I think, a girlfriend had to have a hysterectomy. I, not entirely clear about female anatomy, I suppose, asked her if that meant she wouldn't be having periods any more.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/12/2023 18:26

ActDottie · 02/12/2023 18:17

There was a guy who went viral a few years back for a tweet saying women were just lazy and couldn’t be bothered to go to the toilet and that was why they needed tampons and pads…

I think it was in relation to a campaign for the removal of VAT on period products. And he basically said they were luxury products because we could just hold it in…

This is probably why I'm only hearing about it now - in my 50's and I thought Id heard it all by now.
Thank the gods for the internet, I guess 😖.

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NotTooOldPaul · 02/12/2023 18:26

I to think I am aware of such things but 30 years ago my wife spent a time in hospital after a car accident.
Every time I went shopping I bought towels and tampons as I knew one daughter used tampons and the other used towels..
I think I bought so many they lasted them for years, I had no clue how often they needed changed.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/12/2023 18:28

There are men that think you stick a sanitary pad to your vulva, sticky side up like and that the size of tampons refer to the size of the vagina.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 02/12/2023 18:29

A bf in his 30's asked if I had to remove a tampon to wee... When I got married my dh first saw female genitals when i was giving birth to his first dc...

Doingtheboxerbeat · 02/12/2023 18:31

NotTooOldPaul · 02/12/2023 18:26

I to think I am aware of such things but 30 years ago my wife spent a time in hospital after a car accident.
Every time I went shopping I bought towels and tampons as I knew one daughter used tampons and the other used towels..
I think I bought so many they lasted them for years, I had no clue how often they needed changed.

Yes !! This has been my experience with all of my partners, but I wonder how many of them naturally thought that I could control it 🤔.

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fetchacloth · 02/12/2023 18:32

I once had to explain this concept to a boyfriend back in the early 1980s when I had to have an 'unscheduled' bathroom break.
He had no idea periods worked like that 😯
His parents were quite uptight people so I shouldn't have been surprised really.

Hopefully education and parenting is much more informative on these issues these days.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 02/12/2023 18:33

I am not surprised men don’t know but I don’t expect them to know in all honesty.

tenbob · 02/12/2023 18:35

ActDottie · 02/12/2023 18:17

There was a guy who went viral a few years back for a tweet saying women were just lazy and couldn’t be bothered to go to the toilet and that was why they needed tampons and pads…

I think it was in relation to a campaign for the removal of VAT on period products. And he basically said they were luxury products because we could just hold it in…

There was another idiot who had ‘invented’ some sort of glue to stick your labia together to hold in menstrual fluid to save on buying tampons

It went viral, he was obviously identified and ridiculed but he doubled down and said he knew he was right that women could hold it in if they wanted to