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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 2 kids is the perfect amount?

118 replies

user6776 · 01/12/2023 20:11

I'm 1 of 2 and I'm due my second child. As a child, I felt my parents were still able to give us as much attention and quality time together separately that we needed. I hope that I'll be able to do the same, but I suppose I won't know how I'll manage until second DS is born.

I think 2 is the perfect amount for us. I don't think a third child is in our future as I'd be worried I really would be too stretched to split my attention between them.

What are people's experience of 2 or more DC?

OP posts:
Vettrianofan · 01/12/2023 22:00

4 is perfect for my family. Two sets of 2. 16, 13, 8 and 6.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2023 22:04

Hard to see how your thread wouldn’t be offensive. You haven’t even got two to parent yet.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 01/12/2023 22:06

Second has been bloody hard work. He's really stopped us doing lots of things we would have done had we not had him or had he been an easier, more placid child. Hopefully coming out the other side now but bloody hell, so far life would have been far easier had we stuck with one. "It's a good job he's cute" has been muttered many times!! 😂

LynetteScavo · 01/12/2023 22:07

Perfect for you ...absolutely not perfect for others.

I was one if four growing up. If my parents had stopped at 2 I wouldn't exist, so that would have been less than perfect for me. I would have liked one more sibling.

I have three DC and in a perfect world I would have had 6.

blueshoes · 01/12/2023 22:33

If my parents had stopped at 2 I wouldn't exist, so that would have been less than perfect for me.

Whilst you are saying that 2 is perfect for OP and not others, the above statement also clearly only applies to your specific circumstances.

If my parents had stopped at 0 I wouldn't exist (only child).
If my parents had stopped at 1 I wouldn't exist (second child).
If my parents had stopped at 2 I wouldn't exist (third child).
If my parents had stopped at 3 I wouldn't exist (4th child).
etc.

I am not sure what point I am making but I just thought that was an odd argument.

Naptrappedmummy · 01/12/2023 22:59

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2023 22:04

Hard to see how your thread wouldn’t be offensive. You haven’t even got two to parent yet.

Because it’s discussing hypotheticals, families and children that don’t exist, in a subjective way and with the benefit of hindsight. Everyone is piling in with what their idea of a perfect family size was, compared to what they actually have, and what they would do differently in a parallel universe. There are so many variables it’s really not an offensive conversation. If you look for offence you will find it.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 01/12/2023 23:07

Well I think my 3rd and 4th would disagree...

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 01/12/2023 23:09

I’ve got 2. 3 is the perfect number is my mind and I’d love 3, but the truth is I can barely cope with the 2 I have plus my job, so I won’t be having a third.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 01/12/2023 23:09

ThePineapplePrincess · 01/12/2023 20:20

YANBU. One and they don’t get as much peer socialisation, and that’s really important.

Three or more and your attention and resources are too divided; you won’t, no matter how much you wish you could or think you do, be able to meet all their needs. Each one will suffer because there are at least two others to contend with.

How very judgemental.
My children only suffered because of the actions of their male parent. Never because there were more than 2 of them. They have such a strong bond.
Love doesn't divide- it multiplies.

Moglet4 · 01/12/2023 23:10

Sunnydays41 · 01/12/2023 20:54

This. I can only see the negatives of 3+ - more time, money, physical and emotional energy required.

Show quote history

That’s very sad for you. I have 4 and there are very, very few negatives, overwhelmingly positives

Crishell · 01/12/2023 23:12

theduchessofspork · 01/12/2023 22:00

She’s joking you muppet..

Show quote history

Excuse me? Muppet?
Bit rude

TerribleWoman · 01/12/2023 23:13

I have 4. I am very glad I didn't stop at 2. DS1 and 2 have zero in common and very little relationship. 3 is the glue that links them and will keep them in touch in adulthood, and 4 is my girl who organises the lot of them.

Dogcatmousecat · 01/12/2023 23:17

I have three and I personally think number three has made our family complete.
All three are now adults,all very different,personality wise ,they all bounce off each other . Cannot imagine having more or less children.

Crishell · 01/12/2023 23:18

Moglet4 · 01/12/2023 23:10

That’s very sad for you. I have 4 and there are very, very few negatives, overwhelmingly positives

Show quote history

That's wonderful, for you.

For me, that would be my worst nightmare.

I can't imagine the person you quoted is feeling sad as you suggest, rather relieved.

idontlikealdi · 01/12/2023 23:19

I think people
Replicate their own experience, it's usual to them.

SABM10 · 01/12/2023 23:19

It really depends. For me, zero has always been the perfect number 😄. My brother has two amazing girls which seems perfect for him and no more seem to be on the horizon. My sisters both had one each, and I know that they'd have liked more but couldn't (infertility and age). So maybe for them two would have been perfect too?

My parents had four and I'm the youngest so can't agree that they should have stopped at two 😅. However we are all quite spaced out (16 years between me and my oldest sis) so we all got time as 'the baby' and equal but different attention during childhood IMO. We're all so so close as adults too so for my parents and us as their kids, four was defo the perfect number.

Short answer - it depends!

jesterdourt · 01/12/2023 23:21

I don’t really understand the whole time & attention thing. It’s individual as some obviously have more time & more resources.

To me 2 is kind of suburban, quiet and ultra conformist (before anyone has a go, I’ve got 2 and won’t be having any more!).

absolutely @Naptrappedmummy

Being one of a little gang means you can get up to nice mischief, share a room, learn to rub along with an array of other little characters, share toys. It’s great for kids if done properly and just enriches the tapestry of life.

I wish I had a gang!

Spottyhousecoat · 01/12/2023 23:25

I always wanted 3 children but after 2nd was born we felt complete and that a 3rd would ruin our dynamic. My 2 are close in age and are each others biggest supporters despite being at an age when you would expect them them to argue and fight. We settled with a dog for the third child and my children are so much easier than him!!

Possimpible · 01/12/2023 23:26

TerribleWoman · 01/12/2023 23:13

I have 4. I am very glad I didn't stop at 2. DS1 and 2 have zero in common and very little relationship. 3 is the glue that links them and will keep them in touch in adulthood, and 4 is my girl who organises the lot of them.

Nice of you to have a 4th for admin support... 😐this doesn't read very well, please don't made your daughter responsible for your sons

rattling · 01/12/2023 23:33

I decided a few years ago that 2.5 was the perfect number. Two to deal with day to day and a part share on a third for outings, parties and festivities.

Itisbetter · 01/12/2023 23:34

Honestly I would have hated to be one of two or had two. I’d have made the best of it but not chosen it.

Screamingabdabz · 01/12/2023 23:37

museumum · 01/12/2023 20:42

One is ideal for us. He’s always himself not one of “the children”. The three of us relate to each other as individuals and each of us has a great 1:1 with each of the other two. For us, and the time we were in (Covid) one child was and is perfect.

Strangely we have exactly the same view about each and every one of our three children.

Screamingabdabz · 01/12/2023 23:39

Being one of a little gang means you can get up to nice mischief, share a room, learn to rub along with an array of other little characters, share toys. It’s great for kids if done properly and just enriches the tapestry of life.

Love this! So true.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 01/12/2023 23:40

OP, you are so transparent. You were never 1 and done. You were one and done until you could persuade DH into a second. At least own it.

Otherwise, well done for cracking the meaning if life is having 2 kids. Brilliant. Let's hope you dont have twins.

TerribleWoman · 01/12/2023 23:41

Possimpible · 01/12/2023 23:26

Nice of you to have a 4th for admin support... 😐this doesn't read very well, please don't made your daughter responsible for your sons

Show quote history

As if.

It's who she is. Her sex isn't relevant. She is just an organiser. I don't "make her responsible" for my sons. She is 12 years old FFS. She came out bossy and determined from day 1. I could no more stop her being a force of nature who gets things done than I could stop #3 from being a
musician or #2 a creative or #1 a scientist.

Don't push your own agenda on my daughter.