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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 2 kids is the perfect amount?

118 replies

user6776 · 01/12/2023 20:11

I'm 1 of 2 and I'm due my second child. As a child, I felt my parents were still able to give us as much attention and quality time together separately that we needed. I hope that I'll be able to do the same, but I suppose I won't know how I'll manage until second DS is born.

I think 2 is the perfect amount for us. I don't think a third child is in our future as I'd be worried I really would be too stretched to split my attention between them.

What are people's experience of 2 or more DC?

OP posts:
Wellhellooooodear · 01/12/2023 21:23

However many people choose is the ideal number. I do hate the phrase 'one and done' though, sounds like having a child is something to be ticked off a to do list.

Draoicht · 01/12/2023 21:24

user6776 · 01/12/2023 21:00

To be fair I had a one and done attitude for the best part of 5 years. But really thinking about it, I wouldn't want DS to be an only child

Do tell whyever not.

Crishell · 01/12/2023 21:28

Wellhellooooodear · 01/12/2023 21:23

However many people choose is the ideal number. I do hate the phrase 'one and done' though, sounds like having a child is something to be ticked off a to do list.

It means exactly that though, you've had a child and you're now done.
For me it sort of is like a tick list. I've had a child, love her to bits, now I'm going to enjoy her, get on with my life and not resign myself to years of on and off tiring pregnancy whilst changing nappies and chasing around after multiple children.
No thanks. One and done indeed.

Chuckiee · 01/12/2023 21:31

Yabu to declare what you are doing as perfection.

WineIsMyCarb · 01/12/2023 21:31

3 is the magic number! Similar to 2 but with a tiny bit of added chaos all the time to keep things spicy! 4 is faaarrrrrr too many. We have a little friend to stay and I'm run off my feet Grin

Cherryhill22 · 01/12/2023 21:35

What a load of toxic nonsense this all is. Noone should have to confirm to your 'perfect' number of kids. Women have enough pressure without extra judgement from people like this who declare their family size perfect, whilst your 1,3 or 4 kids are imperfect.

Everyone do what is right for them. No kids, one kid or a football team.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/12/2023 21:36

Your "perfect" two might be someone else's idea of hell. Utterly bizarre thread.

WorkCleanRepeat · 01/12/2023 21:37

I thought that until I had number 2. With hindsight life would have been far easier with 1.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2023 21:38

Adding to it being a very personal decision, I would also say what's 'perfect' is influenced by other factors eg finances, relationship, type of child you have.

I always wanted 4. My marriage ended when DC3 was a baby or I probably would have.

I've brought them up alone & with little support. My ex has made life v hard. They are great kids, naturally, but they are strong, determined characters & honestly, now I'm in the teenage years, I'm drained.

Financially it's hard; of course I wouldn't be without them but I do question my absolute certainty that I had wanted 4!

Of course had my marriage been a happy one, and I had a supportive co-parent & money was less of an issue - 4 would perhaps have been the 'perfect' number.

Saying all of that, I recognise my utter good fortune in being able to have children, and that they are in good health. Talking about perfect numbers is possibly upsetting for those who didn't have that outcome, if they wished it.

wineoclock90 · 01/12/2023 21:38

Yanbu

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/12/2023 21:39

Wellhellooooodear · 01/12/2023 21:23

However many people choose is the ideal number. I do hate the phrase 'one and done' though, sounds like having a child is something to be ticked off a to do list.

I agree with you, even though I'm technically one of these. It's an unpleasantly smug and unthinking phrase. A bit like those people who go and watch the sun set over a beautiful beach somewhere and think "ooh I can tick that off the list".

coverp · 01/12/2023 21:39

May have subscribed to your view too had I not lost a sibling young. Being one of three meant that the life shattering nature of a sudden teenage death in the family was made just a tiny bit more bearable. Having lived that experience, I would never have (by choice) stopped at one or two.

FinallyFinalGirl · 01/12/2023 21:41

I have two girls and two boys and sorry, but that's perfect.😃

Naptrappedmummy · 01/12/2023 21:42

FinallyFinalGirl · 01/12/2023 21:41

I have two girls and two boys and sorry, but that's perfect.😃

I would love that 😭

YouJustDoYou · 01/12/2023 21:43

3 is perfect for me.

UsingChangeofName · 01/12/2023 21:43

YABU.

YANBU to think 2 is the perfect number for you. Your thread title is VU as it suggests you think you can comment on what's perfect for other people. For some it will be 0, for some it will be more.

This.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/12/2023 21:48

@EarringsandLipstick

I recognise my utter good fortune in being able to have children, and that they are in good health. Talking about perfect numbers is possibly upsetting for those who didn't have that outcome, if they wished it.

I agree. This thread is silly, unpleasant and in bad taste. A large number of people don't have control over the number of children they have for a wide range of reasons and a lot of people find this triggering.

Talking about a "perfect" number of kids as if you are choosing how many place settings you have at a dinner table is stunningly lacking in emotional intelligence.

kikisparks · 01/12/2023 21:50

I can see the benefits to having two but one is the perfect number for me. One round of IVF (albeit 2 transfers), one full pregnancy, one birth, one newborn phase, one maternity leave, one lot of childcare costs, one absolutely wonderful and adorable child that we will do our best to give lots of socialisation and opportunities to make friends.

Goldbar · 01/12/2023 21:51

Greensaber · 01/12/2023 21:20

I assumed that had to be a joke…surely!

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Yes 😆. I don't really think the state should take people's kids away.

Although as the youngest of three, I do occasionally think about what my life would have been like could I have tagged onto someone else's family for a bit. For instance, I spent almost every family holiday sleeping on the floor (or, almost worse, an old-fashioned camp bed) as there usually wasn't a third bed in the room for us children. I would definitely have chosen to be reassigned on holiday to a family with one child, if only to get a bed to sleep in!

MonsteraMama · 01/12/2023 21:52

I'm the middle of seven. Unsurprisingly I only have one. She's recently turned 16 and is an absolute marvel, she's my perfect. I'm sure seven was my mum's perfect. It's all relative.

Hattie89 · 01/12/2023 21:53

My mother thought 2 was the perfect number for her and we were just fine growing up but I was a total nightmare as a teenager who caused her a lot of worry. I try to remember my own adolescence (despite my wonderful upbringing) and it is humbling! 😂 I don’t think I’d ever be a bragging parent for this reason. We just don’t know what’s around the corner.

momtoboys · 01/12/2023 21:56

I figured 2 would be perfect for our family. It turns out 5 is just right. 😃

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2023 21:57

Talking about a "perfect" number of kids as if you are choosing how many place settings you have at a dinner table is stunningly lacking in emotional intelligence.

That put it better, actually!

Naptrappedmummy · 01/12/2023 21:59

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/12/2023 21:48

@EarringsandLipstick

I recognise my utter good fortune in being able to have children, and that they are in good health. Talking about perfect numbers is possibly upsetting for those who didn't have that outcome, if they wished it.

I agree. This thread is silly, unpleasant and in bad taste. A large number of people don't have control over the number of children they have for a wide range of reasons and a lot of people find this triggering.

Talking about a "perfect" number of kids as if you are choosing how many place settings you have at a dinner table is stunningly lacking in emotional intelligence.

This is very very clearly a subjective discussion. If the OP believed her opinion to be fact she wouldn’t be asking for the views of others. Deliberately interpreting posts in the most literal and obtuse way possible just makes it look like you don’t really understand the discussion.

theduchessofspork · 01/12/2023 22:00

Crishell · 01/12/2023 21:16

I've read some ridiculous stuff on Mumsnet, but this has got to make the top 5.

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She’s joking you muppet..