Page 2 | To think 2 kids is the perfect amount?

user6776 · 2023-12-01T20:11:15+00:00

I'm 1 of 2 and I'm due my second child. As a child, I felt my parents were still able to give us as much attention and quality time together separately that we needed. I hope that I'll be able to do the same, but I suppose I won't know how I'll manage until second DS is born. I think 2 is the perfect amount for us. I don't think a third child is in our future as I'd be worried I really would be too stretched to split my attention between them. What are people's experience of 2 or more DC?

Draoicht · 01/12/2023 20:38

Well, as you’re actually pregnant with your second child, I’m not sure what kind of validation you’re looking for from this thread. One was perfect for me, but I’m not you.

Daisies12 · 01/12/2023 20:38

ThePineapplePrincess · 01/12/2023 20:20

YANBU. One and they don’t get as much peer socialisation, and that’s really important.

Three or more and your attention and resources are too divided; you won’t, no matter how much you wish you could or think you do, be able to meet all their needs. Each one will suffer because there are at least two others to contend with.

FFS, awful thing to post. Stop shaming those who chose different to you, or can’t make that choice.

Greensaber · 01/12/2023 20:39

YABU. Perfect amount for you, sure, but I’m one of four and loved it. I always felt sorry for my friends who were one of two, as I thought it must have been so boring (unreasonable I know but this was how I imagined it!). And most didn't get on with their sibling either. Me and my siblings were a little gang and had so much fun together. Our parents could afford it though. I’ve got 3 and I love it. Would consider 4.

WindTheMummyUpWindHerBackAgain · 01/12/2023 20:40

3 is perfect for me. With 2 I found it was quite an intense relationship between them. Everything both positive and negative was directed at each other. Now they have a little sister to love and play with. When one of them is annoyed with the other they go and annoy play with another sibling.

blueshoes · 01/12/2023 20:41

Two is my and dh's minimum and maximum. So it is the optimal and goldilocks number for us.

VisionsOfSplendour · 01/12/2023 20:41

How can there be one perfect number for everyone? If 2 is right for you then good that you get what you want but you can't expect universal agreement and I little tone deaf to those who'd like 2 but can't for whatever reason

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2023 20:41

ThePineapplePrincess · 01/12/2023 20:20

YANBU. One and they don’t get as much peer socialisation, and that’s really important.

Three or more and your attention and resources are too divided; you won’t, no matter how much you wish you could or think you do, be able to meet all their needs. Each one will suffer because there are at least two others to contend with.

So

Much

Cobblers

museumum · 01/12/2023 20:42

One is ideal for us. He’s always himself not one of “the children”. The three of us relate to each other as individuals and each of us has a great 1:1 with each of the other two. For us, and the time we were in (Covid) one child was and is perfect.

MargaritaThyme · 01/12/2023 20:43

Zero kids is the perfect number for me. Two would be two too many.

apples24 · 01/12/2023 20:43

For a long time I was "one and done", I'm an only child and my mum also is an only child so it just seemed natural. And I have always been happy with the cards I was dealt.

After agonising whether to try for a second for a few years, I now have two and would love a third. But for practical reasons (my health, age and money) it won't happen. But getting a second child sort of opened me to the more uncontrollable chaos of family life and I'm loving it. So in another life I'd have 3, who knows maybe even 4.

Moglet4 · 01/12/2023 20:44

ThePineapplePrincess · 01/12/2023 20:20

YANBU. One and they don’t get as much peer socialisation, and that’s really important.

Three or more and your attention and resources are too divided; you won’t, no matter how much you wish you could or think you do, be able to meet all their needs. Each one will suffer because there are at least two others to contend with.

What a silly comment! You can easily have 2, let’s say one is neurodivergent and that one will command most of the attention. Equally, you can have two and work such long hours that you can’t give them both adequate attention. Or you could have 6 and give them loads of attention! Every person’s situation is different and every family dynamic is different.

minipie · 01/12/2023 20:44

I can see the benefits of none
I can see the benefits of one
I can see the benefits of two

I have to say I simply cannot see the benefits of three or more. Only if you are very broody I suppose - but then is that a good enough reason on its own?

Original poster

user6776 · 01/12/2023 20:47

Sorry, genuinely didn't mean to offend anyone by starting this thread! Just wanted to hear different opinions and I understand one amount does not work for all

OP posts:

Goldbar · 01/12/2023 20:48

YANBU, OP. I would go as far as to say that anyone with more than two children should be made to give the excess ones up so they can be redistributed amongst families with one child or none. Much neater and less wasteful when it comes to family tickets and hotel rooms and no one has to sit in the middle.

PerspiringElizabeth · 01/12/2023 20:50

Why would that be unreasonable? 😵‍💫 it’s surely the most common choice.

Me and DH are both youngest of 2 and we have 3 kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sunnydays41 · 01/12/2023 20:54

minipie · 01/12/2023 20:44

I can see the benefits of none
I can see the benefits of one
I can see the benefits of two

I have to say I simply cannot see the benefits of three or more. Only if you are very broody I suppose - but then is that a good enough reason on its own?

This. I can only see the negatives of 3+ - more time, money, physical and emotional energy required.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/12/2023 20:56

I'm the middle of three. I'd agree that two is enough if it wasn't for my beautiful nieces and nephews. Without my younger sibling I wouldn't have them.

But being the middle child is shit. Make it one or an even number.

daisidoo · 01/12/2023 20:59

It’s different for different people

We are TTC and I can see so many benefits to being one and done. Finances, energy, resources, space, time (for your child, DH, other friends/family, your career and hobbies). I think people default to having two because they accept it as the standard. It’s not wrong, but I think it’s the most popular number because that’s what has always been ‘conventional’.

Original poster

user6776 · 01/12/2023 20:59

DH is 1 of 4. He feels he never had enough attention as a child and often went without as a kid due to financial situation. He's against having more than 2 which I can understand

OP posts:

Original poster

user6776 · 01/12/2023 21:00

To be fair I had a one and done attitude for the best part of 5 years. But really thinking about it, I wouldn't want DS to be an only child

OP posts:

fixies · 01/12/2023 21:03

I'd love 3. But I'm too old and broke 🥲

TheWitche · 01/12/2023 21:10

2 always seemed a bit standard and boring to me (I’m aware that makes no sense).
I’m an only so wanted 3, that was perfect for me. But now I want 4. I’m 99% sure we won’t go for it but it’s still there, brooding away.
So 2 definitely not perfect for me! I love my little gang and their relationships.

Crishell · 01/12/2023 21:16

Goldbar · 01/12/2023 20:48

YANBU, OP. I would go as far as to say that anyone with more than two children should be made to give the excess ones up so they can be redistributed amongst families with one child or none. Much neater and less wasteful when it comes to family tickets and hotel rooms and no one has to sit in the middle.

I've read some ridiculous stuff on Mumsnet, but this has got to make the top 5.

Greensaber · 01/12/2023 21:20

Crishell · 01/12/2023 21:16

I've read some ridiculous stuff on Mumsnet, but this has got to make the top 5.

Show quote history

I assumed that had to be a joke…surely!

thegingerbreadbaker · 01/12/2023 21:22

I guess it depends on how hungry one is.