Not buying my kids Christmas presents as other people spoil them !!!

[Infertilitylady]

anyways ! I have a 2 and 5 year old , every Christmas I tell my mother in law to calm down with Christmas presents , massive load of presents for the kids , I cannot stand it , she will not listen and wants to spoil them too much , very materialistic ! I don’t like it one bit , soo much clutter and nowhere to put them ! I am not ungreatful but I tried to say it in a nice way but she ignores my request . I don’t want my kids to be spoilt and they don’t need more than 2 presents each , but they get like 30+ from mother in law family . So this Christmas I am not buying even 1 present , let them buy it all then , because they don’t listen .sorry just a rant really . I’m not sorry I’m not buying my kids anything as I know they will get mountain of presents anyways ! X

So obviously parent them to not be materialistic.

Missed that! We didn't really have much but my mum always tried to give more than two!

You don't become materialistic because you have lots of things. Materialism is an attitude, a state of mind. You can be extremely wealthy and still not be materialistic.

If your DC are materialistic, it's because you haven't instilled the right values in them.

Children can have great fun opening piles of presents once a bloody year without it becoming the driving force in their life. I've never heard anything as ridiculous as this.

Also, just because YOU don't like lots of presents doesn't mean your DC don't. When you're a parent, there are lots of things that you end up doing because it brings joy to your DC even if it wouldn't be something you'd enjoy yourself, given the choice.

By all means rein in MIL but stop sucking the fun out of everything for your DC just because you're a bit of a misery.

So instead of being a parent and stopping other people from spoiling them, you will let the presents still flow but refuse to gift them yourself. Why are you seeing your children as the problem instead of confronting the real problem?

I’d deal with her present giving. Maybe too late this year, but next year say very early on that you are trying to be more conscientious of the environment and waste, and can she limit presents, or put the money towards an experience like a family pass she can go somewhere with the kids. And that you have no space!

Ignore this ridiculous advice. You are doing a great job parenting and your MIL is ruining it

It kind of sounds like you begrudge your kids having things you didn't?
In my experience, having material stuff doesn't spoil kids, parents attitudes do. My kids have always been spoiled at Christmas and birthdays. By us and the extended family. They've wanted for nothing. They are the least spoiled kids you could meet. They are polite, well mannered and grateful for everything they get. They very rarely ask for anything, always consider budgets and certainly never get upset if they can't have something.
I have friends who parent with your attitude, who make every occasion or purchase a lesson and honestly their kids are the brattiest. They throw a fit or stick their bottom lip out when they can't get something and are weirdly competitive about anything materialistic.
So your MIL goes over the top on toys? Buy your kids books, clothes and useful fun stuff. Just stop being so controversial over it.

@Daisies12 its not at all ridiculous, it’s all correct. OP needs to parent her kids to make them not be materialistic.

I really don't understand why so many posters are giving you a hard time. I don't think you come across as miserable at all. And as for this which I have just read

"Disregarding or dismissing or looking down your nose at their wants only results in making them feel they and their dreams are not important to you."

How on earth do you get to the conclusion that the OP is disregarding their wants just because she thinks 30+ Xmas presents is too many!!

This thread has made me really quite cross! Why the need for over consumption at Xmas? Why waste all those resources? Why not realise that you can have a really fun, loving, special family Christmas without piling up the material goods and gradually destroying the planet. And even if you disagree with this point of view, what has the OP done to get such a hard time??

@Lilithlogic yes im refusing to buy more because relatives buy too many and there is no more room for me to buy more , I’d be happier if they didn’t buy a thing and i would buy for my kids myself what they actually want and what fits in their rooms instead of others buying tons loads and I have to give to charity … and no I’m not letting the presents flow ? I told them to not buy so many but they refused and still do ? I can’t be a d##k and say I don’t want them . I still have to be respectful and accept the gifts as if they are much wanted .

Because the OP said this
"Does anyone else agree that this new generation seem to be so so materialistic and so spoilt ?"
Her children are 2 and 5. If they are so materialistic and spoilt, it's the way they are being brought up, not what presents they get from MIL.

I'd walk away if I were you @Infertilitylady . There's some very odd and nasty people on here this afternoon.

But they can’t buy things themselves!! You’re the parent, stop buying them things when you go shopping! It doesn’t really matter too much what your MIL does a few times a year. It’s how you treat them everyday that will shape how they become.

@pinkspeakers thank you so much ! Yes I am not grinch at all at Christmas , I love Christmas time as a family , have a few presents , have a nice Christmas meal and spend most of the Christmas with family and relatives . I just think people have lost the meaning about Christmas , they think that the amount of money spent shows how much they love someone but I couldn’t care less about the piles of presents , as long as my kids get few presents they are super happy and we spend family time and do fun stuff and activities

What new generation?
It has been a complaint through time that the generation younger than them is materialistic, selfish etc.
I'm in my 60s and I remember my parents saying when I was a child that Christmas isn't the same anymore as it's all about buying things. It's all relative.

I don't think she was referring to her own 2 and 5 yr old, I think she was referring to older children/young people that she knows, in general. Probably a bit of a generalization (though who knows, maybe it is true of the children she comes into contact with) but not enough to label her as someone who doesn't care about the needs of her own kids or is any way a bad parent!

@Infertilitylady -Money doesnt buy love,is right. To be honest i think youre quite right to opt to not buy- when is adding to excessive you have to realise thats actually an enviable position for some. Doesnt really make it more palatable for you, Times have changed so much- maybe mother in laws history didnt allow to indulge her kids as much as she'd of liked. There is a silent "double standard"to grandparenting-which is an eyeopener. Suddenly your insufferably strict parents have loosened their regime.(to be fair/no mine didnt)...i guess if funds allow,given no point frittering on guff stuff its possible if Are you inclined to do a family christmas treat instead- include mil and maybe go Panto. /arrange family portrait session. make memories. ? it doesnt have to be a negative?

My in laws were the same, and dh politely put a stop to it after a few years. Although it took a few more to get them to totally stop.

They would just buy piles and piles of absolute tat that the children didn’t need or even want (think a whole black bin bag full of pink princess shit and play makeup for a girl who hated pink and makeup and loved skateboarding instead). Things that just ended up in the charity shop as they would never get used.

MIL would also spend hundreds of pounds on clothes that were either too small (she wouldn’t listen), or again, clothes that the children wouldn’t wear.

Dh had to tell her that there were things the children really did want, and perhaps we could give her a list of ideas she could chose from.

She got really offended and said she wouldn’t be dictated to, but she really was just wasting hundreds of pounds on tat while we struggled to get the children things they wanted/needed.

@pinkspeakers yes , I didn’t mean my own children are spoilt but I am scared that they might become spoilt by others not by me . I want my kids to appreaciate the few things they get instead of lots of things they don’t care about or appreaciate . I don’t understand how anyone can say me wanting my kids to appreaciate things is a bad thing ? I’m sure if you saw a kid throwing a tantrum in shop ,because they can’t get a toy , someone would call the parent some nasty words and say how ungreatful and spoilt Brat the kid is …

I'm not suggesting she's a bad parent, just that having a child turn into a materialistic, spoiled brat is the result of parental attitudes, not the quantity of gifts they get at Christmas.
My kids get loads at Christmas (although the gifts get physically smaller every year) but they don't ask for much throughout the year and are always grateful, never demanding. Definitely not spoiled, because we aren't a materialistic family. Its that simple really

Does Father Christmas leave them something ?
Could you do an experience...a trip to a lights festival ?
Panto?

For a couple of years when my children were young my MIL would buy two enormous Christmas sacks, probably twice the volume of standard black bin liners, and those would be stuffed with presents for the DC. The dismay I felt on seeing those I can't explain. Most of it was rubbish but it must have cost a small fortune, and taken weeks to purchase and wrap, all the same. One year they sent a set of Wendy house sized kitchen furniture in addition.

That was given a week or so after Christmas so didn't interfere with the day. Though I had my own mother to contend with who had a thing about 'outdoing' people by giving the best presents.

I'm not sure what to suggest, OP. I think my husband must have had a word because they stopped after a couple of years.

You do not have to put up with anything you don't want. They are not respecting you. The resentment won't go away and you will eventually blow up at them. It is not healthy for you to feel disregarded.

So your kids will wake on Xmas day and there'll be. nothing u see the tree from Santa? go on go mad do them a wee stocking.