To expect DD to sleep through the night or at least allow my DH to resettle her?

[lucieth]

DD is nearly 2. In a SAHM, my husband works full time. He's a very loving dad and does his very best to share in parenting and house chores whilst working, but naturally being a SAHM I spend a lot more time with DD than him. They do have a great relationship though - when he gets in from work she runs to the door shouting PAPPIIII (daddy in his language) with hugs and she belly laughs with him like she doesn't with anyone else.

DD absolutely refuses to be put to bed or resettled at night by my DH. It has to be me, otherwise she will cry MUMMMYYYYYY and refuse to go to bed. I can count on my hand the number of times I've been out for bedtime but each time she will cry and bedtime will take 3-4 hours. Once she still won't go to sleep till I come home at 11pm (bedtime normally 7:30pm) and other times he could only put her to bed by doing it in our bed (as opposed to her cot where she normally sleeps) and stay will her in the dark from 7:30 in the bed.

It makes me exhausted as it clearly means he can't help if she wakes at night (feels like every child sleeps through around 1 year old but here we are at 22 months still having 3-4 wakes per night) and if she wakes whilst I'm showering by the time I'm out she's been crying for a while and woken herself up more.

Hes not always home before bedtime from work so can't commit to always doing it more often. Plus it's truly torture for everyone if he can't put her to sleep for 3-4 hours and it feels right for me to step in.

Neither if my dc consistently slept through the night at 2. They did by 3.

If your DH is struggling to settle her, he needs more practice. Can he do every bedtime for a fortnight until he gets the hang of it? She's 2, she can't refuse to be settled by her df, she might prefer you, but she'll get used to him.

Totally normal but rubbish I agree. We also got rid of the cot and had a floor bed which helped a bit.

Nothing wrong with her. Toddlers are just unreasonable.

Agree with others though. I would stop feeding to sleep first. You can tell her that big girls don't have milk at night time and that she can have some in the morning. Will probably be difficult for a few nights then should improve. Should also help with the night wakes once she figures out another way to get back to sleep at the end of a sleep cycle. Once you've tackled the feeding to sleep your husband can get more involved in bed time.

My DS was like this. In the end we gave up. If I went out in the evening it was just accepted that DS would be awake when I got back, or would be in our bed. I co-slept most nights. He's now nearly 8 and still gets in bed with us most nights. I don't mind it - I get more sleep.

Just giving in and letting it go actually made me feel better - I just stopped being stressed by it. We soon found that co sleeping meant DS would accept sleeping with DH more and it wasn't all on me.

Also, DC2 is a totally different kid - she's never been clingy, never wanted to contact nap or co-sleep and self settles. So I'm not just a shit parent!

Alot of people saying it's normal for a 2yr old not to sleep through the night. I only have one child (DS 6) so have very little to go on but if it's normal for a 2yr old not to sleep through then I am glad I only had one very not normal child who has slept through from 10wks old unless poorly.

Oooh I am so glad you said this! My 2 year old is a shit sleeper (always has been!) Whereas my 7 month old os fab. Haven't done anything different. Glad a change in mindset has helped you, i might need to try that! X

Your DH needs to persist with doing the putting to bed and you need to not step in. Maybe go out for a walk while he is doing it.

If you can't alternate, find a pattern you can generally stick to e.g. Friday and Sunday nights (that gives her a night with you in between). If he doesn't do it ever or she always gets you in the end, how can she learn to go to sleep with him? There's nothing wrong with her, but she isn't in a position to learn this skill enough.

Tackle the put-down first and the wake-ups will hopefully come. DC2 still wakes at least once every night basically at age 3, so you may be in it for the long haul, unfortunately.

Cut the bottle, it’s not good you’re doing milk after teeth brushing.

this hasn’t been normal in my experience, go out more and get her used to her dad doing bedtime.

Every child is different but I do think that by 2 years of age waking as frequently as 3-4 times a night is a lot. Your bedtime routine sounds fine but perhaps you just need to fine tune it to your child a bit more. You mentioned your child dislikes baths. Have you identified the reasons why and try change it? For example buy some new toys for the bath, a different bubble bath soap that has relaxing properties like lavender or even let her choose some new pjs to buy that she’d be excited to wear after the bath. You might find that she will be more relaxed after the bath and it’s another bonding opportunity for her dad that will ease into bed time. Also, have you considered using a comforter. We have two for our daughter and alternate when the other is in the wash so she always has one. Another suggestion especially with the cold weather is to use a sleepsuit. I highly recommend the Australian brand Ergopouch sleep suits. They are a little expensive but so worth it. It keeps them nice and cozy and is another indicator that it’s sleep time when you put it on. Also, have you checked the temperature of the room? Perhaps there are drafts during the night they disrupt her sleep because she’s cold. Hopefully this some of this is helpful. Good luck and I hope you get a full nights rest soon.

And that is why she is waking up so much, you give in and give her 'bot bot' . When dad trys to settle her you step in as you feel its right too. 2 year olds are smart, Manipulative and know exactly how to get there own way. They are at point of testing boundaries to see what they can get away with and who will give in the most. An almost 2 year old having the odd bad night and waking a few times ok, every night though absolutely not ........ Be straight and be firm, daddy is doing bedtime tonight, might be tough but to a degree i would leave a 2 year old to self soothe, if you step in every time all she is learning is that if she continues to create enough, she gets what she wants.

Like others I suggest you get rid of the bottle st night. It's a sleep association and bad for the teeth. We went for controlled crying once my son was 2.5 years old. We followed Taming Toddlers book advice (the book is written by a paediatrician, he has a lot of excellent advice on all areas of toddler development). In our case crying only lasted 3 nights. 1 hour first night (felt like ages), then 20 minutes, then 10 minutes and that was it. I think it helped massively it was summer and our toddler was well and worn out by activities in fresh air. I wouldn't do sleep training in winter. There are too many bugs around. Even this paediatrician says that a poorly or scared toddler has a right to be sleeping next to his parent. I would wait until the weather gets better and do controlled crying as per Dr Green advice

NB - My DD did not sleep through the night until she was 7 years old.

I'd drop the bottle she's too old for it now.
It's also being used as a crutch to help her fall asleep.
She needs to fall asleep naturally , once she's taught that she will be able to do it herself. Then if she wakes in the night she can put herself back to sleep instead of needing you to do it.

I'd work on that first then you can look at dh getting her to sleep.

Hmmm, you know there is lots of people and lots of different experiences.

I can remember crying to my friends, just before my DC turned three, saying 'they just don't sleep'. I was working full time and it took me years to recover from the tiredness, they are an only child
Shortly after they started to sleep through constantly, but it wasn't easy.

FFS two year olds are not manipulative. Does a two year old recognise patterns enough to know that crying = mum/bottle? Yes. Is your child probably genuinely upset when these patterns change? Yes.

That is not manipulation. This whole commentary that your toddler is trying to deceive and control you is so harmful.

I have a DD who's nearly 3.. still wakes up a couple of times in the night. So I feel your pain.

Initially I was the person who put our kids to bed. The way we introduced dad to doing it, was to do it together and gradually phase me out. Now we do 50/50.

So when he's home for bedtime, do it together and gradually switch to him being the leader but you're still there.

It’s not normal and it’s a very biased statement that all children do wake up. It’s not good for her as she’ll be tired if she’s not getting a full nights sleep. I could not perform in my job if I wasn’t getting a full nights sleep. This is behavioural. Try some of the tactics used here. My children have slept through since around 6 months (no wakes after I forced them to night wean) and when they have on occasion started waking at night and wandering in (my blanket fell offf…) we have been pretty firm and as someone else said rewarded staying in bed with stickers charts/ the odd treat. Sadly bedtime can often be a row (the pyjamas were the wrong ones last week) and end with the door being closed on an upset child, but perhaps sometimes that’s necessary to set boundaries and ensure they learn the best way forward. It’s always forgotten in the morning.

It is unreasonable to expect a 2 year old to sleep through the night and to sleep alone. Society tells us it's to be expected and use it to sell ridiculous products to desperate parents. It doesn't mean it isn't tough and it doesn't mean it you shouldn't feel the way you do about it but at 2 children are very dependant on their mother. Not so much dad but that will even out as little one gets older.

It's so normal for a 2 year old not to sleep through! My 2 year old isn't, he's generally up 1-2 times.

He doesn't settle for his dad at night for his dad either, but to be honest as a SAHM I feel like it's my job to do anyway.

It's tough him not being able to do bed time for you to go out though, we have it similar here I'm sure it will improve as they get older

My oldest didn't sleep through until he was about 4 and a half. My other two maybe 2 to 3 years or so. The internet/books loves to set parents up for failure by saying ages kids "will" sleep through, but humans are humans and every child is different. It won't be forever, she'll sleep through eventually, but you need to drop your expectations that she "should" be by now.

You need to completely drop the bottles day and night. It's so bad for their teeth nevermind their sleep. You could do some gentle sleep training so that she can self soothe to go to sleep.

There's plenty of ways to do this. Once she can fall asleep on her own I don't think it will matter who puts her to bed. Definitely not something wrong with her. She needs to be gentle taught to fall asleep on her own. It can be done gently and gradually.

https://www.todaysparent.com/baby/baby-sleep/most-popular-sleep-training-methods-explained/

The first thing you need to change is the bottle. Milk to sleep is not a good idea and she isn’t learning to settle independently and this will contribute to her waking. She’s also too old for a bottle. Offer her milk before getting into bed.
Also, are you staying in the room with her until she falls asleep because if you are, this will be part of the problem too.
Stop those two things and it will improve.

So many people saying it’s normal, it isn’t. 2 year olds should be sleeping through. If they’re not, there’s a reason.

But it is normal as otherwise it wouldn’t be the case for so many people. Unless they sleep in your bed besides you, many babies and toddlers will never sleep through. 4ish things get better.

Very easy to say just stop sleeping besides her. Some children will be very upset by that.