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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Wonder Why Women put up with this?

145 replies

girlfriend44 · 29/11/2023 21:03

Reading a post on a thread about Christmas from the past on tinternet.
Someone had said the men went to the pub Xmas day and the women cooked the dinner. The men came home and ate the dinner and fell asleep.
The post had quite a few likes.
Does anyone else think that's wrong and the woman shouldn't have allowed it?
Why didn't the women go down the pub and the men cook etc?
Better still Why didn't they all make dinner together nd obody went to the pub?

Why do people have to go to the pub Xmas day anyway while dinners cooking?

Should women have made more of a stand and not allowed this?
Does this still happen today?

I think it's really rude to go down the pub Xmas day and leave people at home doing everything?

OP posts:

Treaclewell · 02/12/2023 09:25

Everyone has their own traditions, and assumes that is general. I remember how my fellow students were utterly shocked, shocked I tell you, when I revealed my families division of labour in the morning. Every morning, not Christmas. Mum got the breakfast, cooked. Dad cleaned the shoes and dealt with the boier and the fires. "But that's women's work!" Dad does the dirty stuff, while Mum does the food. Seemed sensible to me. What, I asked, did their Dad's do? Shaved.
I told this story once to a class and a pretty girl asked drily if he could do that for himself.
And there were my distant cousins from Bristol, who when escaping from bombing by staying with my grandparents, revealed to my grandparents surprise, that when the man got in from work, his wife or daughter would kneel before him where he sat in the armchair and take off his shoes and put his slippers on for him.
People's traditions vary.

Kezzy16 · 02/12/2023 21:27

Yep same in my family it’s so they are out the way and nice get together for the males (grandad, dad, uncles) in the family. However it changed when me and my cousins became of age we females joined them a great tradition. Mum would cook the dinner and my dad would always do the pots/tidying up after so always worked well.

BeckiBoBecki · 03/12/2023 00:06

Could you be any more patronising? Jesus, way to mansplain. Dick.

Bluelightbaby · 03/12/2023 00:16

My ex went to the pub every Xmas day whilst I cooked the dinner. All the men did in my circle of friends

Samlewis96 · 03/12/2023 01:24

dottypotter · 29/11/2023 21:15

You can drink at home if you want, so why do people need to bugger off down the pub?

Error see people that you don't live with?.

serenewhen · 03/12/2023 02:35

We owned a pub up until two years ago and it was mostly men who came in for the few hours we opened on Christmas Day. So it does still happen.

healthadvice123 · 03/12/2023 03:25

Times were different and also people are different, some like others out the way so sending to the pub is a great way.
my grandad often took us kids to pub on sunday whilst my nan cooked on my dads side, suited them both. My other nan and grandad my nan would of been down the pub with him and then nipped home to finish dinner , with a couple of gins. Often in those days men were also the breadwinners. Now in our family we take turns one year women cook etc the following year the men do it all. Works for us but might not be how someone else does it, and we all go to the pub boxing day. Each to their own

welshgirl1980 · 03/12/2023 11:55

Never happened in my house growing up, I'm mid 40s. My dad would help my mum with dinner while me and my brother played with our toys.

Now myself and husband have always gone to the pub together on Christmas morning for an hour or two while the turkey cooked. He does all the turkey prep Xmas eve and puts it in the morning while I prep the veg. Then when we get back he mostly finishes it all off by himself...which suits me fine 🤣 even though we've now got a 4yo DD, we still go to the pub as a family as it's our tradition.

jolies1 · 03/12/2023 13:44

girlfriend44 · 29/11/2023 21:03

Why do people have to go to the pub Xmas day anyway while dinners cooking?

Should women have made more of a stand and not allowed this?
Does this still happen today?

I think it's really rude to go down the pub Xmas day and leave people at home doing everything?

To be fair my mum and aunt used to send the men and grandparents to the pub on Christmas Day for an hour our two to get them out of the house so they had peace and quiet to cook and chat without interfering or having to host all day - the cousins would be sent to fetch them an hour before dinner. When I was old enough I stayed to help and it was lovely, we had champagne and pottered around the kitchen when it was lovely and quiet!

My dad was pretty good in the house and would help with all the prep, kids, clean up etc but my mam couldn’t be doing with him hovering 😂

Bambooshoot · 03/12/2023 14:11

Times have changed I think - I once cooked a Christmas dinner at home and took it to the pub! Living next door to said pub in London with a hospital opposite, a bunch of us all chipped in and made a massive Christmas lunch for the hospital staff who were working that day to pop in when they had a free half hour - was absolutely lovely.

Tootiredd · 03/12/2023 14:24

This will be my 3rd Christmas without my ex. For 10 years I lived with him and his parents. Every Christmas Day him and his dad went to the pub while I stayed home and cooked Christmas lunch (3courses) they’d then fall asleep on the sofa and I’d have to clean up and look after my little one. Sometimes MIL would help clean but never cook. Hated Christmas, not sure why I put up with it along with lots of other issues.

Therealkattypet · 03/12/2023 14:40

Where I live was a predominantly fishing town when I was young, men had mens work ( bringing home the money)and women had women's work ( looking after the home) so Christmas day and Sundays the men would go to the pub and the women would prepare the meal as was expected in their traditional roles ( I agree it's different now as most women work outside the home and housework and chores should be shared)BUT on boxing day all heck would break loose! It was a tradition called ladies day and most women would go to the pubs on the seafront from early doors to last orders leaving the men to cope with kids etc. Total carnage would ensue and any man daft enough to show his face would end up stripped and thrown into the sea!
It still goes on now but not as rowdy.... but great fun!

Emmzy63 · 03/12/2023 17:51

I work in a pub and I can promise you this still happens in a lot of households today I’d be raging but Christmas Day the bar is open for a few hours in the afternoon and usually very busy mostly men, some married and some grown men still getting mum to cook their dinner. Working in a bar is something everyone should do it’s such an eye opener I’m so glad I’m single 😂
And not just Christmas but the amount of men who work away offshore etc and spend all their time home in the pub. The ones who press ignore when the wife phones or answer it and just plain lie. The ones who’s wives and kids I know and who still try it on. The way they speak about young half dressed girls who come in that are the same age as their daughters. Honestly has totally put me off men I often think this is why I’m single I wouldn’t put up with that shit 😂

TheaBrandt · 03/12/2023 17:55

It’s a self selecting group of twattish men though. in our family both sides back to grandparents born in 1909 now
ling gone / parents / present day the host couple always work as a team the man would fly to the moon rather than go to “the pub” and leave his wife to do it all. Fuck that.

ginasevern · 03/12/2023 18:20

Nobody ever went to the pub on Christmas Day when I was growing up (I'm in my mid sixties) but I don't understand the OP's shock really. Women couldn't just go to the pub because women were not welcome in many pubs and it was not unheard of for a landlord to ask a woman to leave. They also couldn't just abandon the children at home could they? There wasn't the culture of drinking at home either so the man would have seen this as his Christmas treat. Also, cooking and housework was seen as the woman's job. Women didn't work outside the home like they do now so the division was much more clear cut. Men went to work, woman looked after the home. It also wasn't that unusual for the woman to want the men folk out from under her feet on Christmas morning. Different times, different lifestyles!

Friedgreentomatoes1981 · 03/12/2023 22:29

I thinks it's incredibly rude. I spent one Christmas day at my in laws when the kids were really small. He got up to go to the pub with his dad and his brother, leaving me at home with his mum and both of his grannies, as well as all of the children. When I questioned it, he said i could go too, and just leave the kids with his Mum, which I didn't want to do because it felt mean, plus the grannies were shooting me daggers.... .
I was sat there, absolutely seething whilst peeling all the veg and potatoes.
Funnily enough, we haven't spent another Christmas day at his parents house, nor has my husband been to the pub on Christmas day since then either 😂

smileannie · 03/12/2023 23:03

My dad, uncles, grandad all used to do this and it was completely normal then in the 1970s. Mum, nanas, aunties etc were glad they got out from under their feet and not interfering with their domain or just generally getting in the way. More often than not they would sleep it off and have their dinner later. Didn’t bother us kids one bit at all. Different times.

bostonback · 04/12/2023 04:55

In my family we all wonder down to the pub for a drink in our local whilst the meat cooks. We only stay an hour or so but it’s pleasant and no one is ever left at home.

LGB87 · 04/12/2023 16:14

Maybe it’s more of a thing if you have a ‘local’ pub or club, and maybe it’s
more of a working class thing. Where I’m from it’s still very common to pop to the pub for an hour late morning before Christmas dinner. I started going with my Dad when I was 15/16.

Yes, it might be more men than women but wouldn’t say it is exclusively men. Think it’s nice to do - See friends/people in your community for a quick drink and wish them a Merry Christmas before carrying on your day at home.

Phoenixfire1988 · 04/12/2023 21:12

My parents both went to the pub Xmas day and when we were younger we got dragged along we absolutely HATED it and had to wait for everyone to get back from the pub to be able to have dinner

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