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Original poster

To Wonder Why Women put up with this?

145 replies

girlfriend44 · 29/11/2023 21:03

Reading a post on a thread about Christmas from the past on tinternet.
Someone had said the men went to the pub Xmas day and the women cooked the dinner. The men came home and ate the dinner and fell asleep.
The post had quite a few likes.
Does anyone else think that's wrong and the woman shouldn't have allowed it?
Why didn't the women go down the pub and the men cook etc?
Better still Why didn't they all make dinner together nd obody went to the pub?

Why do people have to go to the pub Xmas day anyway while dinners cooking?

Should women have made more of a stand and not allowed this?
Does this still happen today?

I think it's really rude to go down the pub Xmas day and leave people at home doing everything?

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 01/12/2023 10:24

My husband always went to the pub at lunchtime on Christmas Day with whichever other male guests we had for the day. Most of our male friends still do this. It never bothered me because it gave me a couple of hours to get on with the cooking and leave our mothers to sit and gossip.

cerisepanther73 · 01/12/2023 10:25

@telestrations

Have you ever thought of writing a book or wrote a published book allready?

i like the descriptive post you have on here,

If you haven't wrote a book, i think joining a creative writing circle, and poetry, be good for you,
i think you would be natural at circles like that

Historybooks · 01/12/2023 10:27

Often women make the Xmas dinner whilst men sit there. Of my OH was like that I'd send him to the pub so I didn't kill him.

I don't excuse it but as male behaviour goes this is far from the worst.

Historybooks · 01/12/2023 10:31

tolerable · 29/11/2023 22:55

Actually.? THATS the knowledge you have gained -EVER.?to critiscise and condemn?
how much research you do into the way things were -then.
Drunkish men,do dishes-ANYBODY can fling a dinner together.-would be the easiest road out.
DOES ANYONE else think twas wrong /woman shouldnt have allowed it?
where ya going with that. ? You doing females no favours in suggesting libertys was taken.or joint forces were likely to create a voice.It wasnt enforced.
Also not flattering is presumption this is outrageous.OR that men are\were incapable of independant thoughts and decisions.

Oh no, you're not ok. To be so angry about this. Therapy might be needed or at least a few days off.

I hope you enjoy your flung together meal though as you clearly don't value the cook.

appallingadvice · 01/12/2023 10:32

it's due to a little thing called the patriarchy!

MsRosley · 01/12/2023 10:33

A few years ago a group of young women were talking about how the 'boys' (their partners) went to the pub while they made Xmas dinner. They seemed to think it was cute. It was one of the points where I realised feminism still had an awful long way to go.

MaidOfSteel · 01/12/2023 10:33

There's a lot of things that happened then that don't now. It was a different world.

AmazingSnakeHead · 01/12/2023 10:33

We do this, except my dad stays behind to cook the dinner, and joins while it's in the oven, then we all go back. He goes to the pub more than the rest of us combined during the year so it doesn't feel unjust.

User1775 · 01/12/2023 10:34

My Gdad did this, he was a violent alcoholic so they were very glad to have rid of him for the day - they all had a great time until he got home and after he fell asleep. I imagine many families were the same.

Yesyoucant · 01/12/2023 10:34

platinumplus · 29/11/2023 21:15

Fuck that

Show quote history

My words exactly!

ohtowinthelottery · 01/12/2023 10:38

Didn't happen in our house. We always went to Church then came back and Mum and Dad cooked dinner together. In fact my DF mostly cooked Sunday roasts too. We (the children) had to set the dinner table.

My NDN, however, always went to the Labour Club for a drink or two on Christmas morning as he did every Sunday whilst his wife cooked.

blobby10 · 01/12/2023 10:40

My now exH family was like this in the early 1990s - he used to joke about having a fab time whilst mum was at home cooking. His father had died just before we met so it wasn't an issue but I wouldn't have stood for it even if we had lived near enough to a pub to do it. Never happened with my parents but then neither of then really drank alcohol and despite living opposite a pub, Dad wouldn't head over on Christmas Day to socialise for an hour without Mum going too.

PhantomUnicorn · 01/12/2023 10:40

my family did it every year when my dad was alive, however, we went 11-12 and it was a members only WMC so we got a free xmas drink and cards/greetings were exchanged with friends who were also there.

Mom came every other year, the other year Nan & Grandad were with us, and Nan wouldn't go, so she stayed home with Nan, but Grandad, Dad, and the kids all went, we were expected to pitch in with helping when we got home though, even more so the years mom came with us.

It was an important social Christmas tradition. Some people go for walks, some people sit around the piano. We went for a Christmas drink and spent an hour with friends every Christmas morning.

F1ymetothetoon · 01/12/2023 10:44

This is what happens in my house. DH goes to pub and I stay home and cook dinner. It's always been like this but i don't mind because I enjoy making the food whilst listening to musicand drinking sherry. The thought of being in a noisy crowded pub on Christmas Day does not appeal at all to me. Works for us.

Vuurhoutjies · 01/12/2023 10:48

Sometimes when you watch an American movie, in the Thanksgiving scene, the men take all the kids outside to play football while the women stay inside and cook.

Honestly, I dream of such an event. Because inevitably, I have random people wondering in and out offering to help but just getting in the way, 3 children underfoot who come to ME to help with x or y or z and frankly, that last half an hour before lunch is served I just want to be left to get on with it. I actually enjoy Christmas Day and the cooking, but that last 30 minutes or so usually has me ready to rip someone's head off.

So I can see, from that perspective, that the men going to the pub IF THEY TOOK THE DC would actually be pretty nice! Grin.

Vuurhoutjies · 01/12/2023 10:50

Also, just to add, if DH, BIL, SIL (and it's always that side of the family) come in and leave random glasses on the counter in that last half hour this year, I honestly might lose my SHIT! Grin I do not understand why they do this and it drives me mad.

MsRosley · 01/12/2023 10:57

F1ymetothetoon · 01/12/2023 10:44

This is what happens in my house. DH goes to pub and I stay home and cook dinner. It's always been like this but i don't mind because I enjoy making the food whilst listening to musicand drinking sherry. The thought of being in a noisy crowded pub on Christmas Day does not appeal at all to me. Works for us.

I hope at the very least he showers you with presents and appreciation, and does all the clearing up, then brings you breakfast in bed on Boxing Day.

FloppyEarsWaggyTail · 01/12/2023 11:00

It happens in my PILs house. FIL and the sons go to the pub whilst MIL and DILs stay at home and cook. Drink driving thrown in too.

We went one year not realising this was what happened, my partner knew he’d be single by Boxing Day if he left me so made his excuses. We’ve always stayed well clear since and have little to do with them now anyway, but they know our opinion.

celticprincess · 01/12/2023 11:01

Pre Covid my late father was still doing this. When my ex and I were together my ex would go pick him up and they’d go to the pub whilst I made dinner. Wasn’t bothered thought. Growing up when my parents were together my dad would go to the pub every Sunday whilst mum made lunch. He would take us with him occasionally to pop a song on the juke box, have some cheese nibbles off the bar and pick a square on the race card!! He was very set in his ways though and was not able to cook and would never have learned. When they later divorced he would only eat out at the pub or a cafe or hear up heat tins at home.

I genuinely don’t know any men cold of my own generation (mid 40s) who do this and most of the men folk I know quite like to do the cooking on a Sunday.

Ginmonkeyagain · 01/12/2023 11:03

We all go to the pub.

Everyone pitches in with prep. We go for a walk and then pub. Food goes in when we get back.

Helps we:

a. Eat in the evening
b. Have fish usually so only takes an hour or so to cook.

User0000009 · 01/12/2023 11:03

Blokes all go to the pub and me and my sister and niece (to be joined by my son’s new gf this year) all get pissed on gin while my sister cooks. Her husband prepares all the vegetables before he goes. We groan when they all come back. Wouldn’t have it any other way 😀

peppermintcrisp · 01/12/2023 11:05

Yes it was definitely a thing. TBH it wouldn't bother me for a couple of hours. I like a bit of peace and everyone is happy.

I wouldn't fancy going to the pub but wouldn't be bothered if others wanted to whilst the turkey was in the oven.

Selenitetower · 01/12/2023 11:08

We certainly don’t operate like that in my house, I work in healthcare and often work the morning shift and while I’m at work DH sorts our Christmas lunch and the kids until I get home. This year the kids are away with the in-laws for Xmas and DH was meant to be going as well but decided not to (which I’m slightly disappointed about, I was looking forward to Xmas with my cat 😂) but again he will collect the seafood platter and sort out the food for the day and with no complaints.

lollo8 · 01/12/2023 11:12

Some people seem to have this idea that everything was absolutely awful until about 1995. And that everyone was wrong about everything up until that point, and nothing we did made any sense and we were all idiots. But now, thankfully, we're right about everything and this is how things should always have been, and always will be.

Ahahaha.

Appleblum · 01/12/2023 11:20

Eh. In our family DH is the Xmas cook. I sit around and eat and drink mulled wine.