DH being unreasonable towards the dog?

[bubblyr]

My DH lacks patience and I've started to get concerned by his behaviour towards our dog. For background she is 1.5 year old very high energy dog and I will admit she is hard work. Anyway she gets underfoot a lot, whines quite a bit but she just wants attention and/or food. DH will literally scream at her if she doesnt obey a command which will then likely scare her and she will do what he asks. He has also grabbed the scruff of her neck a few times if she is really misbehaving. I know people get worked up sometimes and she could test anyone's patience but AIBU to be concerned by his lack of tolerance towards the dog and worried that this will be causing some long term harm to her? Obviously the shouting and storming around in the house creates a horrible atmosphere too.

That’s horrible. I couldn’t be with someone who was so cruel to an animal.

Rehome the poor thing so it can have a happy life lived without fear.

Yes, of course he’s being unreasonable. Do you have children with him?

He'd be gone & id be grateful for the heads up before we had kids.

Sounds like a right prick. Please rehome the dog. She will be a nervous wreck.

Some people are just not compatible with dogs, especially high energy ones. they are just a constant presence. Think carefully whether you have the right type of dog.

Yeah I am considering getting us both out tbh.. he has made me really reconsider kids with him and from hearing the responses so far I feel really bad that I have let him treat her this way.

Think carefully if this is the right kind of husband

@RetinolStings i wouldn’t rehome the dog, i would rehome the husband if he can’t shout like this at a dog what’s he like with the op and any kids

For goodness sake you really need to ask

Rehome her to a caring family , she'll grow up neurotic living like that

Actually you should thank the dog and then both run for the hills. Some dogs are more "Velcro" than others. I get it. I have a Staffie! But how your husband reacts and responds is absolutely not normal and is a great indicator of how he would be with demanding kids / crying babies.

How we treat animals is an indicator of how civilized (or not) we are.

What training have you done with the dog? Is it mainly you that has done the training? If so, why don’t you get spa dog trainer in ti do training with dp, so he understands how to control the dog, rather than just shout at it.

Screaming at a dog? Just, no. Hopefully you don't have kids with him. I'd be asking him to do some anger management therapy, and if he isn't willing or doesn't think he needs to, then I'd be out of the relationship. How long before he loses his rag with your kids or you?

Oh my word, that’s awful. He’d only do it once in my house. Poor dog🥲 I cannot stand anyone that is cruel to animals (or anyone).

Have you told him he absolutely can’t do this?

Why should the dog be rehomed? Just like that ‘rehome the dog’. No, this is her home & she should be treated well there.

Rehome him, not the dog

He will be one of those dad's that do no research or reading on how to raise children and expect them to do as he said just because.
He won listen to you about how to approach things either.
Do not have children with him, he is abusive, there's no need to scream and shout and manhandle a dog at all.

I wouldn't be able to look at him if he did that.

How they treat those smaller and weaker than them says a lot about a person. I'd certainly not be having kids with him, let's put it that way.

Yes great idea op, go with this.

Then when you have children & the child is full on high pressure, loads of energy, you can rehome them too.

I hope I don't come across as thinking this is acceptable behaviour. I really love my dog and just want the best for her. Honestly he is quite controlling and emotionally abusive to me so my perception is being skewed but I didn't want to make this in to a big "is my DH controlling" post. I just wanted some clarity in this situation as to whether it is normal and maybe some further motivation to leave (as a few have mentioned) and make sure she doesn't stay with him. I'd hope I can give her a loving caring home myself or consider rehoming if I couldn't.

Rehome the DH. Tells a lot about his character if he loses his temper with a young animal acting like a young animal.

Quite controlling, emotionally abusive and nasty to dogs? He’s going to make quite a father isn’t he? If one of your future kids steps out of line he’ll be abusive and it’ll break your heart.

Get rid now before he has the chance to move onto more than your poor dog.

Hope she bites him.

Same here. The poor little thing will be much better off in a calm household where nobody screams at her and grabs her.
Rescue dogs are often nervous and extremely wary of men. Men like your husband are the reason why these poor dogs are the way they are.
It’s very worrying that he gets so enraged and out of control at a dog. He could really hurt her one day. Even kill her.

Controlling and emotionally abuse is not normal @bubblyr. Not towards you, not towards your dog. You are worried about your dog, but you deserve much better yourself. Don't rehome her. Break free from him and keep the dog as your emotional support - dogs are amazing. Your love for her and hers for you will be a great strength. You can have a great life without an abusive husband. You can live free from worry and stress.

Oh my word, that poor dog.
Your dh needs straightening out sharpish, no way would anyone be scaring my dog like that.

1.5 yo is still so young. When mine was underfoot I found putting a bed close by handy, I'd send him to his bed so he would be out of my way but still in the same room so not missing out. Ended up with several spots around the house (beds or mat) that I could keep him on instead of excluding.

Definitely the right move. He’s abusing her and that’s an early warning sign of being abusive to you - especially if you have children with him. That’s often when men start abusing women, once they’ve had a child and it’s far harder to escape.

Even if his treatment of the dog wasn’t a warning sign, it alone is reason to get rid of him.