Page 4 | DH being unreasonable towards the dog?

bubblyr · 2023-11-28T22:24:49+00:00

My DH lacks patience and I've started to get concerned by his behaviour towards our dog. For background she is 1.5 year old very high energy dog and I will admit she is hard work. Anyway she gets underfoot a lot, whines quite a bit but she just wants attention and/or food. DH will literally scream at her if she doesnt obey a command which will then likely scare her and she will do what he asks. He has also grabbed the scruff of her neck a few times if she is really misbehaving. I know people get worked up sometimes and she could test anyone's patience but AIBU to be concerned by his lack of tolerance towards the dog and worried that this will be causing some long term harm to her? Obviously the shouting and storming around in the house creates a horrible atmosphere too.

JimJonesLivesInMyHead · 29/11/2023 07:29

That's the terrible thing about emotional abuse, the invisibility of it, it's how the bastards get away with it for years. It makes my blood boil.

I'd ring Dogs Trust anyway, explain the situation, they may make an exception if they know the dog is being abused too.

And please, please ring Women's Aid and get some support for yourself. Today. Don't become a tragic statistic in tomorrow's papers x

Original poster

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 08:04

@JimJonesLivesInMyHead appreciate the advice and I'm going to take action thank you. All of the responses have been eye opening

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LakieLady · 29/11/2023 08:11

bananablues · 28/11/2023 22:31

Some people are just not compatible with dogs, especially high energy ones. they are just a constant presence. Think carefully whether you have the right type of dog.

I'd be thinking carefully whether I had the right type of husband, and the answer would be a resounding "no".

Original poster

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 10:40

@LakieLady yes that seems to be the consensus

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Baffledandalarmed · 29/11/2023 11:10

Don’t beat yourself up, OP.

It’s easy to feel guilty over this and yes, you should have realised his behaviour towards both you and the dog was unacceptable. But sometimes getting it sense checked by others is the push we need.

If you love the dog as much as you say you do, take her away from him. She’ll be better off with just you (and you may find some of her behaviour improves as well). Don’t get rid of her unless you plan to stay with him - by 1.5 years old you’ll be her whole world and YOU haven’t hurt her. She doesn’t deserve to be abandoned by you. And you don’t deserve to have to give her up. YOU are not the problem. DH is.

Leave him. Take DDog with you.

Edit: what breed is she?

Original poster

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 11:22

@Baffledandalarmed thanks for your kindness. You're right, it's a struggle to find a place to rent with pets in my area and I don't think she could stay with any of my family as an option so I need to work out an interim solution while I get myself set up but there must be a way to make it work. And as you say, her behaviour might improve when out of this situation. She is attached to me whenever I'm home so I'd find it very hard to give her up and I think it would be difficult for her. She is a Weimeraner hence the high energy velcro dog.

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Haydenn · 29/11/2023 11:27

Sending you strength OP. It’s amazing the behaviours we will tolerate when aimed at ourselves but when find them unacceptable when aimed at someone else or an animal. I think the dog is just showing you who this man really is

AutumnDragon · 29/11/2023 11:32

If the dog is owned jointly be prepared for the dickhead to try and keep her. Try and video any abuse (but don't put yourself in danger) then, if it comes to court, he will not stand a chance if you show them the videos

Original poster

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 11:48

@AutumnDragon I don't think he would try to keep her as he cant be bothered to give her the exercise / stimulation she needs. I think he'd rather I took her so he can get on with just worrying about himself.

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AutumnDragon · 29/11/2023 11:55

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 11:48

@AutumnDragon I don't think he would try to keep her as he cant be bothered to give her the exercise / stimulation she needs. I think he'd rather I took her so he can get on with just worrying about himself.

My Ex couldn't stand the dog but knew it would hurt me if he kept him. Luckily we weren't married and I owned the dog before moving in, so he didn't have a chance, but it didn't stop him threatening the dog.

FictionalCharacter · 29/11/2023 12:41

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 11:22

@Baffledandalarmed thanks for your kindness. You're right, it's a struggle to find a place to rent with pets in my area and I don't think she could stay with any of my family as an option so I need to work out an interim solution while I get myself set up but there must be a way to make it work. And as you say, her behaviour might improve when out of this situation. She is attached to me whenever I'm home so I'd find it very hard to give her up and I think it would be difficult for her. She is a Weimeraner hence the high energy velcro dog.

It’s very likely that she attaches herself to you at home because she’s scared of your husband and wants you to protect her.

Original poster

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 15:40

@FictionalCharacter makes sense 🙁

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Newestname002 · 29/11/2023 15:53

In whose name was the dog purchased and registered/microchipped @bubblyr? If that's you, and you have proof of purchase, that might mitigate any claim he might make if he disputed your ownership. Caveat: I'm not an expert - I googled this as a possibility.

I hope that you're able to get your ducks in a row at your earliest opportunity so that you can sever your relationship with him and go your own way with your dog. 🌹

Viviennemary · 29/11/2023 15:55

The dog sounds a total pain in the neck. I Can't stand dogs but wouldn't be cruel to a dog. But I couldn't live in a house with a dog.

Original poster

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 16:00

@Newestname002 unfortunately we got her through a friend of a friend and didn't purchase her and unfortunately the microchip, vets, insurance all in DH name so I might be in a tough spot in that respect if he does want to fight for her.

Thank you 💐I have hope he would be fairly amicable about things but I know that can turn if he thinks I'm seriously going to leave so just need to take it all as it comes I think.

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OrlandointheWilderness · 29/11/2023 16:01

Very high energy breed that requires training. Gundogs who don't receive proper stimulation, training and work can be an absolute pain in the arse.
BUT
He is a bellend. He hasn't got patience for a dog, god forbid what he'd be like with a child.

Original poster

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 20:36

@OrlandointheWilderness yes we could definitely do better with stimulation for her over and above just walks and playing. But yes, she is a dog and regardless of her behaviour his isn't acceptable and like you say a good indication of how he would be as a father which is terrifying.

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OrlandointheWilderness · 29/11/2023 20:42

You'd probably do well to get her to a gundog class, you never need to take her shooting etc if you don't want too, but doing what she is trained to do will help massively and it's good fun. A good place to look is the fb group Ladies working dog group, really friendly.
And dump the twat! You and her can do better. Xx

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 29/11/2023 20:48

You can change details online... Dd had her ex's ddog put into her name. Ddog has been mine for 6 years now!! Shame exh's/dp's can't be pts isn't it?

JudyGemstone · 29/11/2023 21:06

If you call women’s aid they will sign a form for the dogs trust for you. They will be Abel to offer some advice around safely leaving too so definitely worth it.

Original poster

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 21:13

@Santaiswashinghissleigh @JudyGemstone that's really helpful to know about women's aid and changing names online. I don't really want to have to do the foster with dogs trust but it is a good option if I had to, to let me get set up and make this feel less of an obstacle in leaving I guess. Thanks so much both, appreciate the practical advice and not judging.

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MrsKeats · 29/11/2023 21:15

I would grab my husband by the scruff of the neck and throw him out of the house.
Despicable behaviour.

ThinWomansBrain · 29/11/2023 21:18

redalex261 · 28/11/2023 22:30

Sounds like a right prick. Please rehome the dog. She will be a nervous wreck.

rehome the husband
cruelty to pets is often a forerunner to domestic violence

Iheartmysmart · 29/11/2023 21:21

He’s a foul, disgusting bully. I lost my old boy a few weeks ago and hearing shit like this makes me cry. Your poor dog trying to do her best to be good and he’s screaming at her and abusing her. Get the poor thing out of this situation before she’s too fucked up to be rehomed.

Caerulea · 29/11/2023 21:26

bubblyr · 29/11/2023 11:22

@Baffledandalarmed thanks for your kindness. You're right, it's a struggle to find a place to rent with pets in my area and I don't think she could stay with any of my family as an option so I need to work out an interim solution while I get myself set up but there must be a way to make it work. And as you say, her behaviour might improve when out of this situation. She is attached to me whenever I'm home so I'd find it very hard to give her up and I think it would be difficult for her. She is a Weimeraner hence the high energy velcro dog.

If he's scruffing a weimaraner then he's being very aggressive cos they don't have the spare flesh - not that any dog should be scuffed unless they are attacking someone.

Tbh it sounds like you've got more strength for the dog than yourself & that's not surprising. It's often easier to defend others. So use that energy to get out with your velcro dog & you two can support each other without the aggressive bellend.