DH being unreasonable towards the dog?

[bubblyr]

My DH lacks patience and I've started to get concerned by his behaviour towards our dog. For background she is 1.5 year old very high energy dog and I will admit she is hard work. Anyway she gets underfoot a lot, whines quite a bit but she just wants attention and/or food. DH will literally scream at her if she doesnt obey a command which will then likely scare her and she will do what he asks. He has also grabbed the scruff of her neck a few times if she is really misbehaving. I know people get worked up sometimes and she could test anyone's patience but AIBU to be concerned by his lack of tolerance towards the dog and worried that this will be causing some long term harm to her? Obviously the shouting and storming around in the house creates a horrible atmosphere too.

He's a bully OP. Anyone who abuses animals is a pathetic coward and you can bet your life he would treat any future children the same. Bet he'd shit himself if some big bloke had a go at him.

Screaming at a dog is bad enough, grabbing a dog in a temper is awful and I would never be able to stand by and watch that, are you scared of him OP? He sounds nasty, please get yourself and the dog away from him.

DH has grabbed our dog once by the neck, when he jumped into a canal and couldn't get out and was panicking and kept dipping underwater, I would pack a bag and leave if he ever grabbed him out of frustration.

How horrid is he? Please don’t have kids with him. Imagine how he would treat a toddler acting up. Get you and the dog away and safe.

So do I, I hope it's hard enough that he can't be aggressive towards her before she legs it.

She should keep the dog and re home the DH.

I’d be rehoming the angry man.

Being cruel and aggressive towards animals is a strong precurser to being cruel and aggressive towards children and then the partner - in that order.

Leave while you can.

It’s highly common that those who abuse animals are the same with people.

My DM was married to a much older man when I was a teenager. He would hit the dogs, leave them outside for hours on end (one evening they went missing because someone had left the gate open and he didn’t think to check on them), would encourage his toddler grandchild to get in their faces and shout at them and demand that they must only stay on their beds and weren’t allowed to even move off to greet you without being bellowed at.

Protect yourself and your dog.

Mistreating an animal, and this is abuse- shout at and grabbing a hold of- is a key indicator of someone’s character. Whatever they will do to an animal, they will do to you or a child. For you, it would start the moment you are pregnant. Do not have a child with this man.

How can you allow your young dog to be abused in this way. Dogs are by nature trusting. How confusing for the dog to be treated this way. It does sound like he could do with some more training, but I have two dogs and one is a Velcro dog, always just behind my feet, following me everywhere.

Ask yourself a genuine question, who do you love and trust more, boyfriend or dog? You and dog need to leave.

He was emotionally abusive and controlling to me *

@slaggybumbum my last update on this thread probably answers your questions

He's abusive to you OP, get yourself and dog out (safely) never ever have kids with this man x

If you love your dog you will not allow him to physically abuse her. He’s a fucking bully to both the dog and you. Seriously, if people think it’s ok to shout at a dog let alone grab it by the scuff they shouldn’t be near animals and anyone allowing this is just as bad. He’d have been horsed right out the door if that was my DH!

How can you even ask if this is “normal”? Take the dog and get her to a safe place FFS. You don’t need to abuse a dog or any other animal to train it.

He has also grabbed the scruff of her neck a few times if she is really misbehaving. I know people get worked up sometimes and she could test anyone's patience but AIBU to be concerned by his lack of tolerance towards the dog

If you have no patience or he has no patience don’t get a dog. Honestly, words fail me when people get dogs and think it’s ok to shout at them or be cruel to them.

DH will literally scream at her if she doesnt obey a command which will then likely scare her and she will do what he asks. He has also grabbed the scruff of her neck a few times if she is really misbehaving

He's a cunt.

Get rid of your husband, if you feel you can't do that find the dog a loving home animals are loving and loyal to the end and should not be bullied.

This

Why are you with this abusive bully OP?

I missed a bit I've just read, get out before it's too late you deserve better too, please do not have children with him, if it's your home ask him to leave.

Thanks for all the responses and I can understand why everyone is also fuming at me for letting this happen to her. I've let her live in an emotionally abusive household as I'm too scared to stand up for myself and it has to end. I might not have stood up to him for myself but I shouldn't be allowing him to treat her this way.

I feel really upset that I've allowed this to happen and I think I've became so used to his behaviour to me over the years that I didn't realise how bad he has got towards her.

I met my DH 25 years ago when my dog was reaching the end of her life. She was hard work. Very hard work

I watched him pick this heavy smelly dog up and gently carry her to make her more comfortable

Somewhat far away from your experience

Run and take her with you

When you're in an abusive relationship where you are told you're in the wrong all the time it often makes it difficult to see the woods from the trees when they start doing something else abusive.

Don't berate yourself for the past, just make a plan asap to get you and the dog out of this situation.

Don't rehome the dog, rehome the husband
I hope you don't have DC

Why are people saying rehome the dog? Stand up for her and get rid of this awful man! He has no empathy, a temper problem and is a bully. These are terrible qualities in a partner- or indeed a human being. Start making plans to leave before he does permanent psychological damage to you and your dog x

He sounds like a truly horrible man and his behaviour (towards you and the dog) is only going to escalate. Please make a plan to get
both of you out safely. I’ve included a picture just to help you understand what’s been going on in your relationship, as sometimes we need to see it all laid out in black and white to truly understand it.

@Nicole1111 thank you this is so helpful