Would you sacrifice marriage and children for love?

[Cheeeseeverywhere]

Just curious. Say if you really wanted to be married and have a child, and your partner didn't for whatever reason (just wasn't ready or didn't want the commitment). Would you be prepared to forgive and stay as a girlfriend/boyfriend forever?

Sort of. Sorry, I know that’s not helpful, I’ll explain.

I loved my DH but knew if we got together we wouldn’t be able to have children (he had radiotherapy before we met, he is 20-odd years older). I loved him more than I wanted children (still do). Yes, there are times when I wish we could have met when circumstances were different as I’d have loved a family with him, but ultimately I wanted him more than I wanted children.

Couldn't careless about marriage but definitely not for kids

No - I nearly did and it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

I agreed to a relationship with no marriage and no children with a man (marriage and children were not in his lists of wants) when I was in my early thirties because I Luuuuved him. After a few years he (thankfully) cheated on me. I kicked him out and he was married and had a baby within a year.

It makes me shudder even now as I hold my babies how I could have made that error at a time where my fertility would have been greatly affected.

I am absolute on this, never EVER stay with someone who doesn’t share your life’s dreams!

Great post @Usernamechange1234, everybody should be taught this in school. I am so glad that things worked out for you.

No. I love dh to bits but if he hadn't wanted a marriage and children, he and I would both be better off in different relationships.

No. I love being a mum to my daughter. It's different type of love with your children.

No

Marriage no, as I'd assume he didn't love me enough. Kids, yes if I loved him enough and had a full life ie didn't need kid to fill a void. I think the worst thing is when women 'force' men to have kids with them, then end up with a useless husband who does nothing and a miserable life. People should only have children if they both really, really want children.

I won’t marry, so my DP had to choose not to marry to make a life with me. Thankfully he did.

I wouldn’t be able to sacrifice having children and I don’t think he would either.

I won’t marry for many reasons but a very important one is to protect my children.

Absolutely not

@Cheeeseeverywhere I've read this one and also your former post about waiting for 2 years to have children. I have got two female friends who both had long term partners, and these partners were the kind who say "I love you and want to be with you" but didn't commit to marriage and kids. Eventually, both of them left and are now happily married with children elsewhere, after saying for years to my friend "I'm just not one for marriage" I'm not saying this is always the case- I know many couples who are happy together who aren't married - but the difference is that in those cases the women aren't bothered about marriage either. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

Thank you!! I did have to fight to have my children, as this time waster did take some of my years from me, but several round of IVF and a miracle later I have my babies. I was lucky he cheated and I met a man on the same page.

It upsets me how many women give up their best years for men who aren’t committed to them and who don’t care about their needs and dreams.

Women don’t have the luxury of time when it comes to changing our minds about children, if you want them don’t EVER hold onto someone who doesn’t!

I have no idea how you mean the vote to go but... No, I wanted to be a mam so would put having children above all else. Same way that now I have kid my kids would always come above a man/relationship.

Even planned that if I never found the love of my life to do it with I would do it alone (2 of my friends recently have with sperm donors and are awesome as single mams, I was raised by a bad ass single mam too).

Marriage is maybe more hit and miss, I did wait like 7 years for DH to propose and while I wouldn't say it was an absolute deal breaker like having kids honestly it was fostering some resentment in the 'shit or get off the pot' category.

I don’t care for marriage but no children would have been a dealbreaker

That’s so sad.

How does marriage protect you if you aren’t having children? Shouldn’t adults without anyone childcare responsibilities be financially independent of one another?

I would say, if they are things you want and he doesn't, then he's not the one for you.

No, I'd rather have a husband I was friends with (rather than in love with) and DC, then have a boyfriend I loved but not be married and no DC.

Other way round for me: I didn't want kids or marriage, and I couldn't have stayed in a relationship with someone who did, no matter how much I loved them. It's the most basic incompatibility there is. (Kids, anyway. Marriage is more complex and people's reasons for wanting/not wanting it can vary so much. I would not have wanted to be in a relationship with a man who wanted marriage for the sake of social norms, default life path or conformity, and even less with a man who had "traditional" patriarchal views about it all. But then I don't think I'd have got to the stage of falling in love with men like that in the first place - our values would be too different.)

Nope, find someone who cherishes you, who thinks your needs and wants are important.

I agree. The amount of women you see on here who’ve had kids and aren’t happy with their DH/DP and how he is with the children. Maybe they didn’t want them in the first place but “gave in” but now sees it as the woman’s problem.

Yes. I never wanted children, and don't care about being married either (I don't live in the UK, it's not seen as important here).

No marriage would have been fine, no children would have only been fine if we hadn’t been approved to be parents.

In my experience when a man says he doesn't want marriage or children, he often means with the person he is currently with.

I've seen too many women hang in there with men they love, only for the men to leave and marry and have kids with other women.

Not bothered about marriage, I've never been married. (I was engaged but found out I was having DD 6 weeks later and we never did it).

But I couldn't compromise on having a child.