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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wish I hadn’t had my son

109 replies

Standardssolow · 28/11/2023 16:11

Horrible thread but if I’m honest with myself I really don’t like him very much and he really doesn’t like me. We just constantly rub one another up the wrong way. He hates me and screams got his dad all the time; if I try to speak to him he just screams over me. I have other children and my relationship with them isn’t like this. I hate spending time with him.

OP posts:
Swiftsmith · 28/11/2023 22:21

When he slaps you on the face? You still show him love and empathy. Of course you tell him that is is not okay to hit you. You move away if you have to, saying “I won’t let you hurt me, I’m moving away but I’m here for a cuddle when you’re ready”.

I know it hurts, but he needs to know that nothing he can do can stop you loving him.

You don’t seem to like my response. However you posted on ‘am I being unreasonable?’ and I felt you were. Your original post really read as if written by someone with no understanding of the child’s perspective at all. Perhaps that isn’t the case, but that’s how it sounded. It also left out lots of key info like the fact that the wee guy is dealing with a baby sibling, which is huge. I felt sad for him because he must feel this dislike coming from you and that you wish you hadn’t had him. I’m sorry if my response upset you but I guess if you post on a public forum asking a question like that you won’t just get responses that you like.

The resources I mentioned in my last response really are useful and I hope they can help you as clearly neither yourself or your son are having the best time right now x

BurbageBrook · 28/11/2023 22:28

Excellent advice from @Swiftsmith

Lubilu02 · 28/11/2023 22:31

Try talking to him, when he's just gone to sleep and he has his guard down , or when you get a quiet moment together. Just remind him how much you love him and reinforce it with touch or a kiss. I did skin to skin with all mine, and with toddlers it really helps soothe them and reinforce that closeness.

My DD 2.5 can be an absolute devil trust me. but in between she's so affectionate and loving because I put aside the time for kisses and cuddles.

It will fizzle out, maybe he's a bit under the weather or teething, either way it won't last long I'm sure.

Swiftsmith · 28/11/2023 22:32

Just to add to my fairly long response (sorry!) I would have responded less fervently if you said you didn’t like his behaviour. But you didn’t say that, you said you didn’t like him, and there’s a huge difference.

BananaPalm · 28/11/2023 23:06

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this OP. You have every right to feel as you feel because, from a purely human perspective, it is an awful situation. Rationally, it might be a phase, it's normal, he's very young, etc. But it doesn't make it not painful. I don't have any words of wisdom though. Just lots of empathy for you and for how you feel.

SunshineYay · 29/11/2023 03:46

Standardssolow · 28/11/2023 19:38

My other child is only 5 months so it’s very early days in some ways. I thought I’d prepared him well for her coming but maybe not … she is with us when he’s with me pretty much all of the time bar his swimming lesson. And I do get that’s hard for him but there’s very little I can do about that practically.

Did his behaviour change once the baby was here? He sounds jealous and he is acting out so he gets your attention. Could you do some 1 to 1 activities with him, both at home and out? Your DH could stay in another room with baby (or stay home if you end 3 year old go out). Maybe the same time every week. Sounds like he is really struggling.

Ladyj84 · 29/11/2023 04:19

If he has no medical problem then the problem is with the parents for allowing this behaviour we have a 3 and twin 2 year olds and should this ever occur would not happen. Our older children never acted like that either

Original poster
Standardssolow · 29/11/2023 05:52

Has his behaviour changed … yes and no. He’s become more verbal which I always thought would solve a lot of problems but has actually just brought new ones!

@SunshineYay … yeah I know all that. Doesn’t fucking work though 🤣

OP posts:
Ollifer · 29/11/2023 06:44

Standardssolow · 28/11/2023 17:07

We aren’t separated @thatlondonchick

It does grate as it feels nothing I do is good enough and I really do do such a lot.

Do you mean this about your partner or child (the second bit about nothing you do is good enough)? Because you're not going to get a three year old to understand and be grateful for what you do for him, it's hard enough with a thirteen year old! I used to fall into this mindset occasionally, and now mine is six I still very fleetingly think 'i run round you every day, take you nice places, cook all your dinners, spend all my money on you, dedicate my entire life to you so please for the love of god can you just get in the bath without a half hour battle before just once 😭' but then I do tell myself it's pointless having that mindset 🤷🏻 it's not helpful building up resentment op and it sounds like you do feel resent ATM for your son.

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