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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder what it’s like to be really attractive…

114 replies

ToyPoodles · 28/11/2023 14:06

Just that really. I often wonder what it would be like to be attractive and have someone really lust for you, the way you see it on really popular beautiful instagram women.

Anyhow, back to the dog walk 😂

OP posts:
AzureBlue99 · 28/11/2023 14:07

It's a bore. Take it from me.

losingthe · 28/11/2023 14:08

Yep, absolute pain in the arse op

Conkersinautumn · 28/11/2023 14:09

Impossible for me to relate, but I know my daughter has a particularly stunning feature and it's 18 years and she's still sick of people commenting on it. I imagine it can mess with your head in good and bad ways.

AlwaysForksAndMarbles · 28/11/2023 14:09

I don’t want someone looking at a picture of me and thinking they would fuck me, like some sort of sex doll. What would that do for you?

My DH finds me attractive and lusts after me, and I’m cool with that because he loves all of me, everything about me, and to him I’m not just a pair of walking tits.

I think having random men dribbling and wanking over a photo of you sounds quite frightening, and not at all to be desired.

CalistoNoSolo · 28/11/2023 14:12

It makes life easier in all sorts of ways.

Gowlett · 28/11/2023 14:16

I’ve never looked at beautiful Insta women, I imagine lots of it is photoshopped. I feel bad for teens / young women looking at that. I’ve seen some striking people IRL (London / Paris) and they were worth a second glance (or a good stare). But, they have most of the same problems as the rest of us!

Gettingcolder · 28/11/2023 14:16

I sometimes forget that I am now getting old and have lost my looks until something happens that reminds me. What I do notice is that I don't always get what I want in quite the same way. It is sad that in our society, looks do make life much easier in all sorts of ways. I hadn't really appreciated this when I was younger.

VanityDiesHard · 28/11/2023 14:23

I am forty now, and while I am still attractive and get second looks/polite treatment etc, I was striking when younger (not in an instagirl type of way, much more natural looking) and it was a double edged sword. Men were very creepy and more than one told me he was dating me so he could brag to his friends that he'd pulled me.

Fionaville · 28/11/2023 14:26

This was me when I was younger and slimmer. It was wonderful for a while. I felt like I could have any man or get anything that I wanted (obviously not true, but that's how I felt)
But it was also creepy. I think it's a myth that men are intimated by a beautiful woman. Everywhere I went or worked, I'd have older, disgusting men flirting with me or asking me out. I'd be groped everytime I went into busy bars and was even pinned up against walls a few times. I was often followed, even in shops where they'd stage a chance encounter. I was followed home a few times too. I was definitely more vulnerable.
Then I got older and fat and just get told I "have a pretty face" 🤣 Life is definitely easier in lots of ways and I don't miss the feeling of always being on show.

Ocani · 28/11/2023 14:34

I've known a handful of truly beautiful women. Two were models so I suppose you could argue were paid to have people look at them but still for all of them the sheer amount of looking they got was something else. It was noticeable when out and about with them. People, men and women, would just stare openly like they couldn't help themselves.

It certainly opened opportunities - they were never short of invitations whether work or socially. And it must be nice to look in the mirror and see actual beauty.

But. They also had to weed out far more arseholes than us ordinary folk - I guess there's a Venn diagram showing the crossover between the type of man who feels confident enough to approach a very beautiful woman and an outright sociopath. Plus a lot of creepy behaviour just in day to day interactions.

It's interesting to observe anyway.

itsmylife7 · 28/11/2023 14:40

I've got a very pretty friend and it's a pain in the bum,for her.

We've know each other for 30+ years and she still gets "looks " even though she's much older and plumper 😀

She's also got a lovely personality to match her looks.

TinklingToadstools · 28/11/2023 14:41

Beauty comes at a cost.
Most beautiful women may appear to have everything on the surface, but they always attract the wrong type of people. People want to be seen with them but not look out for them. Envy and jealously from others will be a constant battle.
Similar to a beautiful wild animal, always the threat of a hunters gun, will never be left in peace or feel safe.

dayswithaY · 28/11/2023 14:42

I love being invisible now. In my younger years I have been chased down the street, asked out at a cash machine, followed, enticed into a car (I ran away), had photos taken of me by strangers, been handed notes containing phone numbers and messages, trapped in an office with the door locked, grabbed in the street, had men graphically tell me what they would do to me - all unwanted. I could go on and on.

Women were distrustful and distant towards me. I never felt safe, even my driving instructor hit on me.

Films and TV romanticise the pretty girl, but I think it’s better to blend in and be average. I like looking at photos of me back then, but I feel sad and worried when I think about what I dealt with.

SallyWD · 28/11/2023 14:43

I have two friends who are beautiful, real head turners. What I always notice is just the insane amount of attention they get all the time. I'm not talking about when they're glammed up on a night out. I'm talking about when they're in jeans and a hoody and going to shops on a Monday morning. It blows my mind that in a ten minute walk from their house to the shop they'll have numerous men beeping their horns, shouting appreciative comments. They'll have men stopping in the street to tell them they're pretty or lovely. They'll have men chatting them up in the shop as they get a pint of milk. It's insane! And yes, I'm sure we've all had men beep their horns and chat us up but I'm talking about this happening 5 times in the space of 20 minutes.
Because I've witnessed this so many times I'm grateful and relieved that I'm not as beautiful as them! I'm very shy and hate attention. I couldn't cope with it all.

lollo8 · 28/11/2023 14:43

I'm not beautiful. I guess I would say I have a pleasant, smiley, quite youthful face (and the manner to match it) and I suspect people do respond well to that.

But if I was beautiful/striking, I would hate pestering from men, or jealousy from people, or always wondering if people saw my personality too.

Maybe that's just what beautiful people tell us to make us plain Janes feel better!

ellie09 · 28/11/2023 14:45

Believe me, none of them look as good IRL

Some I havent even recognised to be honest.

Ifitistobesaid · 28/11/2023 14:45

I have a friend who is very beautiful and when we were younger crowds would literally part as she walked through. People would be so nice and suck up to her that she had a really positive view of the world! But it hasn’t meant her life is perfect, we’re in our forties now and she is unmarried and childless which I know is painful for her.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 28/11/2023 14:50

It’s fun while it lasts but trust me, it’s difficult when the ageing process kicks in and you see your ‘gorgeousness’ fading. If you’re lucky you have more about you than just your looks. I’m happy with myself now.

Halllooo · 28/11/2023 14:50

I ‘blossomed’ early and for me it was the worst thing that could have happened, from the age of around 12/13 I had endless attention - very much unwanted- from boys and grown men.
I didn’t know what to do with it. And as i am gay there was ZERO interest on my part. I ended up cutting my hair short, dressing in boys clothes or baggy clothes and became very shy and self conscious about my looks.
In my 20s I was okay, and dated lots of girls and had some fun and avoided going to straight bars or venues where I might get hassled. Women are just a lot more sensible and after more than just a pretty face.

One MASSIVE advantage I found of turning 40 was you turn invisible to men, regardless of how beautiful you may be! It’s been amazing! Must be a nightmare if you’re a straight woman looking for love though. Luckily gay women are less fickle and more than happy to date women their own age…

People say you have an easier ride through life, seem more trustworthy or friendly in many ways but I never really found that.
Being told you’re very pretty etc is fine but it’s about as useful as being told you’re really tall because you’re tall.

Cincinnatus · 28/11/2023 14:51

In my experience men can be very nice or very creepy. Women give you a wide berth.

VanityDiesHard · 28/11/2023 14:56

dayswithaY · 28/11/2023 14:42

I love being invisible now. In my younger years I have been chased down the street, asked out at a cash machine, followed, enticed into a car (I ran away), had photos taken of me by strangers, been handed notes containing phone numbers and messages, trapped in an office with the door locked, grabbed in the street, had men graphically tell me what they would do to me - all unwanted. I could go on and on.

Women were distrustful and distant towards me. I never felt safe, even my driving instructor hit on me.

Films and TV romanticise the pretty girl, but I think it’s better to blend in and be average. I like looking at photos of me back then, but I feel sad and worried when I think about what I dealt with.

I could have written this. I actually grew very depressed and developed an eating disorder because I felt so self conscious and trapped in my skin.

Halllooo · 28/11/2023 14:58

I also have a head turning beautiful friend, actor, stunning and I know she HATES the attention she gets all the time. She rarely ‘dresses up’ other than for work, like a dress on awards night sort of thing but still can have people just staring at her when we’re out getting coffee.
Even in her jeans and T-shirt and no makeup. She’s also gay, but not out ‘officially’ as her agent says it wouldn’t be good for her career but she does wonder if she was out publicly if some men would back off a bit.
There are those blokes though who unfortunately are even more interested when they know someone is gay, like it’s a challenge.

Halllooo · 28/11/2023 14:59

But actor mate admits that without her looks she wouldn’t be getting the roles she does, so I suppose there’s advantages there too

dayswithaY · 28/11/2023 15:01

Hey @VanityDiesHard I had an eating disorder too, and was riddled with anxiety. Must be a common theme. 💐

GoonieGang · 28/11/2023 15:03

was called beautiful from about 12 onwards. I was touched up constantly in my youth. Men thought they were entitled to do it and every time I rebuffed them I got verbally abused. Not one man that touched me up apologised and I always got called frigid.
It’s nice to be invisible now, I don’t mourn the death of my looks. I know if someone is interested in me then it’s because they like ME and not just my face.