To wonder what it’s like to be really attractive…

[ToyPoodles]

Just that really. I often wonder what it would be like to be attractive and have someone really lust for you, the way you see it on really popular beautiful instagram women.

Anyhow, back to the dog walk 😂

Agreed.

Good on you for being honest.

Pps going on about how it's horrible, what rubbish. Live one day as an ugly person you'd be crying every time you walked past a shop window!

I think it would be great. I'm very ugly but a couple of times my outfit/hair/make up has come together to make me look slightly less ugly than usual, and I feel great on that day. I imagine being attractive you'd get that feeling every day.

I don't live near these friends. One lives in Southend and the other lives in Norwich. The one is Southend has lived in many different places and I've seen her get this reaction from men everywhere. We've been abroad together several times and it's even worse!

@GoonieGang also literally the story of my life. and also being attractive doesn't necessarily equate to being secure or feeling happy in yourself. I hated myself and my body because of all the creeps perving on me. I literally used to fantasise about having a mastectomy from when I was 12/13. if I was a teenager today, I probably would have been rushed through surgical transition. so glad I wasn't.

When I was travelling on an intercity train recently, a really stunning woman got on and sat in the aisle across from me. She was reading a book but a man sat down beside her and started to try to chat her up, he was a bit drunk I think. She politely replied to his conversation which started to get personal and I could see she was uncomfortable. She got up and left , I thought to get off but when I left, I saw her standing (the train was packed) in a further down carriage. I thought how awful it must be to be hit on all the time by some horrible, lairy men. I didn't envy her.

It’s sometimes great and sometimes a PITA, it’s far easier to get what you want and pretty privilege is a thing. The women in my family are beautiful 5 of us have worked in industries where looks counted though it was quite brief for 3 us. Niece is an actress and model, my Mother was a ballet dancer and model, my sister, myself and one other niece did some modelling when young. My Mother pushed me in to it. My Mother and sister really struggled with getting older, I went through a definite low about it when I hit menopause but not as bad.

I had a lot of harassment when younger, I know almost all women get harassed but it was relentless till I hit about 40 and then still very often till I hit 50, the last time I got cat called by a total stranger I was 51, I’m now 57. I still get people treat me very well. People have always wanted to talk to us and be friends with us obviously those reasons have not always been pure.

DS is very handsome and his workplace have just asked him to be in some promotional material. When he was a baby it was suggested he do modelling, I was firmly in the no camp. My niece has had a lot of cosmetic surgery, she is still far more attractive than most women in her age group but she is feeling just like my now dead Mother and sister did. That that is all she is worth, that’s the downside. Sister and one niece have eating disorders. If totally honest it made me a bit of a twat when I was young because you can get away with far worse behaviour but nothing major whereas it made my sister in to a dreadful person, she took advantage of many.

Knew someone drop-dead gorgeous at uni. She was fucked up by women hating her, men only ever wanting her for sex. You get all kinds of hassle. I'm happy to be plain tbh

Also makes life a lot worse in other ways.

Crippling depression because people only compliment your appearance/body not your brains or achievements (or imply you only did well because you’re pretty). Usually accompanied by an eating disorder or bullying of some type during school years.

Ignored at work because you’re the pretty one. Not the intelligent one (even if you are intelligent).

Men objectifying you and not actually being interested in that trip you took to Ashgabat (for example) and only wanting you for sex.

It’s not all fun and games and relationship building/having friendships is really hard because of it.

Of course there are perks but there are definite down sides.

OP, I read a story not long ago that a man had been caught trying to have sex with a pile of leaves. Men stick their cocks into hoover attachments, Coke bottles and watermelons - having a man simply lusting after you is pretty meaningless really.

I never seem to meet any of these amazingly attractive people in real life.

They must all be sitting at home Mumsnetting.

@Baffledandalarmed

"Also makes life a lot worse in other ways.

Crippling depression because people only compliment your appearance/body. Usually accompanied by an eating disorder or bullying of some tyre during school years.

Ignored at work because you’re the pretty one. Not the intelligent one (even if you are intelligent).

Men objectifying you and not actually being interested in that trip you took to Ashgabat (for example) and only wanting you for sex.

It’s not all fun and games and relationship building/having friendships is really hard because of it.

Of course there are perks but there are definite down sides."

Is this your personal experience?

I'm relatively attractive but was a late bloomer, as in, after school and late teens. Gosh, I'm actually quite uncomfortable talking about myself in this way ☠️😅

I've never really experienced any of the above you mention. I do wonder where I'd be now though if it not for the way I look. As in partner, job opportunities, lot in life, etc. it doesn't bother me in the slightest though and I don't feel like my achievements are any less than those of others.

I remember years ago I popped into a caf and a stunningly beautiful woman walked in. Everyone stared at her, including little old straight me I've never seen someone irl so flawlessly beautiful, she was mesmerising.

It made me appreciate being average looking tbh - I'd hate to be stared at constantly, I like to blend.

I'm very sorry to hear that. But I disagree with your comment that none of that would have happened if you weren't beautiful. I have been raped and also had other unwanted behaviour and advances from men and trust me I am not beautiful, very average looking.

I am very attractive when I make the effort to be. Less so when I walk out in my joggers with no make up and lank hair. I get so much more respect from the general public when I look good. Depressing, but true

In some ways it makes your life easier. I rarely get turned down for job interviews, for example.

But it's a double edged sword. Women especially are fucking horrible to you. I've had a lot of women tell me they're surprised I'm nice when they get to know me. Or people assume you're a simpleton so they get very surprised that I'm intelligent.

You get a lot of people staring at you. When I was younger, I would get followed around the street, I'd get grabbed a lot, I've had tons of inappropriate comments, men who will NOT accept no for an answer etc.

That said, I wouldn't change it. It's really nice catching yourself in the mirror and thinking wow I look good. I'm older now but I still have a great figure. It's a good feeling knowing you can wear whatever you like and it'll look fantastic on you.

I am glad I'm older now and the attention I get is generally more respectful.

I can see most PP have had similar experiences. I do wonder how many would change it to look 'ordinary'.

People genuinely treat you better without knowing a thing about you.

You get better service and better opportunities.

You are never, ever short of a compliment.

The downsides:
People assume a lot about you based on how you look. Those assumptions are hardly ever accurate.

You work just that little bit harder for recognition for your actual skills and input, as if having a brain is a shock because you look a certain way.

Men are very, very forthright in approaching you and often treat you as a challenge to conquer or a prize to win. It's draining.

Men always try to 'help', whether you want/need it or not.

Like everything in life, swings and roundabouts.

I envied pretty girls in my youth. It didn't help I wanted to act, and believe me there is nothing more frustrating than realising I wasn't talented enough to make it as an ugly girl. You have to have a LOT of ability to get anywhere without the looks.

I wouldn't have minded if I had genuinely been ignored by the sort of blokes who wolf whistle, etc. l would have preferred whistles and catcalls to the comments of 'minger' and 'should have been born a man'. I got. Once, a WOMAN (total stranger) came up to me in the street and said, 'sorry, love, you are really ugly'.
It hurts. It's hard. BUT when people DO see past the face, it's better. Because I was never going to be a trophy wife, I avoided the creeps. My pretty sister didn't have such luck. I have been with my fella for 30 years. She had to kiss a lot of frogs.
And, joy of joy, at nearly 50, I am truly invisible. No more carloads of lads barking at me out the window, etc.
I AM glad I don't know what it is to be pretty, though I once felt it cost me a lot. It GAVE me a wonderful husband who loves me for me and more freedom to not have to keep up the looks I haven't got.

Another thing is that men aren't at all interested in your personality. They project a kind of ditsy silly innocent little girl personality onto you. And they can get very angry and actually abusive when you don't live up to it.

Plus the jealousy from men dating you can be really hard. Luckily I've not had it too bad but some insecure men find it impossible to deal with having a partner who gets (unwanted) attention.

I could easily get a man but the relationships generally don't last. It's very frustrating.

Pps going on about how it's horrible, what rubbish. Live one day as an ugly person you'd be crying every time you walked past a shop window!

But the OP wasn't asking about ugliness. The world isn't divided into the beautiful and the ugly. Most people are neither. I think that being average and ordinary is seriously underrated!

Fair enough, she wasn't. But I stand by that, all the attractive people here who "hate" it, live one day being plain and you'd hate it.

You make a good point. I don't think that my appearance is at all relevant to my success in life, as beyond a very brief stint in my teens I have never modelled, but it is highly intertwined with my self esteem. I have had times when I have felt ugly, but I have never been 'plain' and I am kind of afraid of being invisible. I still get plenty of attention (although I am forty I am regularly assumed to be ten or even fifteen years younger) and I will admit I'm not looking forward to looking in the mirror and seeing an old woman.

I used to get attention up until around the age of 45 and it just stopped late 40’s. I’m 50 now and quite invisible (despite looking the same albeit older!) but I like it that way as I’ve always been quite shy with low self esteem and never enjoyed men looking at me or beeping me in the street, I found it cringy. Although when I was younger I did notice that every job I went for I got and I never paid for drinks when I went out for the night! They were literally THE only benefits. I found women could sometimes be a bit bitchy especially as I have always been slim and they thought it was fine to comment on my weight all the time.

My poor dd15 now gets it. I can not believe the amount of men ogling her, it’s disgusting. Last week we were shopping and one guy (walking with his wife ffs) just couldn’t keep his eyes off her and even my glaring at him and boring my eyes into him didn’t stop him. It’s horrible.

I could have written this myself. I'm 40 too, although I still look much younger. Or so people say. To me, I can see very clearly how much older I am. But I know I don't look like other 40 year old women.

I also really dread the day I wake up and see an old woman in the mirror. I've had twenty five years of looking a particular way. It has inevitably become part of my personality because my entire adult life has been defined by my looks.

I'm so glad someone else understands. I feel really conceited typing it out, because who says that about themselves!? But it is true, nonetheless.

It’s been suggested that DS does some model/ tv work and over my dead body will that be happening. He’s 13 and there’s no way I’d be letting him into the cesspit of being valued for looks over anything else.