Page 5 | To wonder what it’s like to be really attractive…

ToyPoodles · 2023-11-28T14:06:02+00:00

Just that really. I often wonder what it would be like to be attractive and have someone really lust for you, the way you see it on really popular beautiful instagram women. Anyhow, back to the dog walk 😂

TheHawkisHowling · 28/11/2023 19:45

fugu · 28/11/2023 19:04

Do some of the posters on here not think that ugly women get harassed, assaulted, raped? Because of course they do. Ill-treatment by men isn't the preserve of pretty women.

I think ALL women experience poor treatment from men, alas.

But that said, I do think it's worse when you're very noticeable in terms of harassment. I know I wouldn't have had several incidents happen to me if it weren't for being young, blonde, slim, big breasted, and pretty in the face. It's impossible to avoid that being a reality.

I do know the only reason I haven't been raped is sheer good luck though.

Papyrophile · 28/11/2023 20:32

First, I was never stunningly beautiful, just pretty. But I went to an all girls school and was in a largely female environment until I was 18. I was focused on being clever and ambitious and competive, so it was all about getting into the most selective university, hence I did NOT apply to any Oxbridge colleges, because back then, Balliol and Jesus did not admit female students....... and I wasn't going to settle for less than elite.

Now I am 67, I am still quite pretty (although quite happy to be told it's my failing eyesight). I have good skin, decent facial bone structure and cheekbones and I make a point of staying fit. And people in general are still happy to know me. Even men who would not be interested sexually because they are 40 years younger than me treat me better than they would a really plain woman. Looks go on counting in your favour well into your 70s and 80s.

39and · 28/11/2023 20:43

Papyrophile · 28/11/2023 20:32

First, I was never stunningly beautiful, just pretty. But I went to an all girls school and was in a largely female environment until I was 18. I was focused on being clever and ambitious and competive, so it was all about getting into the most selective university, hence I did NOT apply to any Oxbridge colleges, because back then, Balliol and Jesus did not admit female students....... and I wasn't going to settle for less than elite.

Now I am 67, I am still quite pretty (although quite happy to be told it's my failing eyesight). I have good skin, decent facial bone structure and cheekbones and I make a point of staying fit. And people in general are still happy to know me. Even men who would not be interested sexually because they are 40 years younger than me treat me better than they would a really plain woman. Looks go on counting in your favour well into your 70s and 80s.

I agree. You tend to get treated better if you're attractive and pleasant looking regardless of age. It's not just about being fuckable.

Whatthefnow · 28/11/2023 20:55

I am attractive and it's opened doors for me. I have a lovely personality too and this is the part about myself I like the most.

My mother was beautiful and my children are gorgeous.

Papyrophile · 28/11/2023 21:06

@Whatthefnow I don't think I would claim to have "a lovely personality". I'm quite congenial in everyday acquaintance, at least superficially, and I think I'm fairly well-mannered. But I am not bothered whether you like me. You might, and you might not. I can live with that; I don't like everybody I meet either.

VanityDiesHard · 28/11/2023 21:31

Whatthefnow · 28/11/2023 20:55

I am attractive and it's opened doors for me. I have a lovely personality too and this is the part about myself I like the most.

My mother was beautiful and my children are gorgeous.

I think that personality counts for a lot. I am a sweet, delightful person and that is worth any amount of beauty. I am pretty but I got more attention than people who were even prettier because I am nice.

Papyrophile · 28/11/2023 21:40

If I am just walking past you, I would say good morning because that's polite. I would never tell you that I am sweet and delightful, because IME, most people initially think, I like the look of that person and only find out about their personality later.

PurpleBugz · 28/11/2023 21:52

Research shows attractive people are more likely to get promoted and do have easier life in some aspects. We did an experiment when I was at uni based on loose hair and wearing makeup rather than "beauty" but the women with plain pony tails and no obvious makeup had to wait longer to be let into slow moving traffic!!

As a previously attractive woman who has not got fat and can't face heels or makeup I can tell you life is in general better not attractive. Maybe it was partly youth but I found I was constantly heckled and having my arse pinched when I looked more attractive. Even full on sexual assault. I consciously changed how I dress so as not to be "asking for it" it made little difference. Getting fat and older has been liberating

Screamingabdabz · 28/11/2023 21:54

My 22 year old dd is stunning and stops traffic and crowds part wherever she goes. But she also has the kindest heart and empathetic nature.

It meant she was sad and lonely. Women were often jealous of her and thought she’d automatically be a bitch so she never really had female friends. Men were vile and creepy toward her and she was regularly cat called, followed, approached and harassed which was often distressing. She could never meet men and trust they liked her as a person and weren’t just lusting after her looks. She enjoyed getting good tables and preferential treatment in shops and bars, but the loneliness made her very depressed.

Thankfully she’s found a very genuine boyfriend with old fashioned values and she’s happy now, but even he doesn’t enjoy the level of protection he feels he needs to live up to when they’re out. The harassment never stops. That’s why I find it baffling when women describe it as ‘fun’ or sad when they lose their looks. Why is it good to attract shallow people/men who only see your looks? Beauty is more than skin deep.

Superduper02 · 28/11/2023 22:00

Fionaville · 28/11/2023 14:26

This was me when I was younger and slimmer. It was wonderful for a while. I felt like I could have any man or get anything that I wanted (obviously not true, but that's how I felt)
But it was also creepy. I think it's a myth that men are intimated by a beautiful woman. Everywhere I went or worked, I'd have older, disgusting men flirting with me or asking me out. I'd be groped everytime I went into busy bars and was even pinned up against walls a few times. I was often followed, even in shops where they'd stage a chance encounter. I was followed home a few times too. I was definitely more vulnerable.
Then I got older and fat and just get told I "have a pretty face" 🤣 Life is definitely easier in lots of ways and I don't miss the feeling of always being on show.

You've hit the nail on the head. It's that uncomfortable feeling of always being on show.

Cosycover · 28/11/2023 22:18

It's great now but wasn't great when I was a teenager as I didn't have the confidence then.

Josette77 · 28/11/2023 22:19

I was a very ugly duckling. Bad BAD acne. Gangly.

In my late teens I grew into my looks, my nose, got boobs and hips, and a butt.

I was molested as an awkward child of 10. Raped as an awkward teenager. I don't think those things have anything to do with appearance.

As I got older I both suffered from severe body dysmorphia. I wish I had known how pretty I was..I still struggle sometimes..

A few years of being in hospital for anorexia which somewhat helped.

Now at 46, I still get looks and asked out a lot on the street. I know pretty privilege exists and I admittedly take advantage of it more now.

Maybe as I'm ageing I know it won't last forever, so I am happier to accept that in some ways life is just easier.

I will say I have amazing girlfriends, and have never been treated poorly by most women.

I've had people be mean to me in my life, but far more so when I was young and unattractive. Bullying was brutal when I had bad acne.

I don't think anyone has ever disliked me for being beautiful, or if they are they didn't say so, and I just assumed my personality wasn't for them.

TheHawkisHowling · 28/11/2023 22:24

Screamingabdabz · 28/11/2023 21:54

My 22 year old dd is stunning and stops traffic and crowds part wherever she goes. But she also has the kindest heart and empathetic nature.

It meant she was sad and lonely. Women were often jealous of her and thought she’d automatically be a bitch so she never really had female friends. Men were vile and creepy toward her and she was regularly cat called, followed, approached and harassed which was often distressing. She could never meet men and trust they liked her as a person and weren’t just lusting after her looks. She enjoyed getting good tables and preferential treatment in shops and bars, but the loneliness made her very depressed.

Thankfully she’s found a very genuine boyfriend with old fashioned values and she’s happy now, but even he doesn’t enjoy the level of protection he feels he needs to live up to when they’re out. The harassment never stops. That’s why I find it baffling when women describe it as ‘fun’ or sad when they lose their looks. Why is it good to attract shallow people/men who only see your looks? Beauty is more than skin deep.

I don't think any of us want to be good looking to attract men. That's the worst part of it.

I do like knowing I'm aesthetically pleasing. I will admit I like having pretty privilege. Attracting unsavoury characters is the shit that comes with it. I wouldn't want to change my entire appearance to avoid it though. I like the way I look.

lolasmile · 28/11/2023 23:28

I am not sure if it's always to do with being attractive. I don't think I've ever been amazingly pretty, but rather I grew up in a time when it was acceptable for men to outwardly come on to women in a particular way. This made one night stands easy, yet dating or finding serious relationships challenging.

When I was younger, I found this more in certain contexts. For the most part, my friendship group was large and mixed sex, and so any attention was unwelcome, out of place, and I wouldn't entertain it in the sense I could ignore it as men in my friendship group would always be present (sad in itself that it was that way). When I was out with female friends only, and even now in my mid 30s, when I go out more in single sex groups, I found and still find I get a lot of attention. I hate it and don't take advantage of it at all, but I still don't think it's to do with being attractive but rather being in a single sex group, without a wedding ring (have a long term DP).

However, being the age I am, I can confidently ignore it or challenge it in a way I didn't feel confident doing so when younger.

What I'm saying is I don't think it's always "being beautiful", but rather the opportunities that some men feel they can try to create, according to time and place. I am no more attractive in my mid 30s than I was at 21, but the attention is still there if I'm out with just female friends.