To wonder what it’s like to be really attractive…

[ToyPoodles]

Just that really. I often wonder what it would be like to be attractive and have someone really lust for you, the way you see it on really popular beautiful instagram women.

Anyhow, back to the dog walk 😂

Yes, it is an absolute bore. I am becoming more invisible now and life is so much better. My DD is very beautiful (16) things have improved I think.

It was dreadful for me and I shudder when I think of how grown men behaved towards me .

I had a friend at Uni who looked like Jerry Hall. She was oblivious to the fact that men were chatting her up all the time but sadly for her they were the confident arseholes rather than decent men (I remember a friend saying he was intimidated because of the kind of men who constantly chatted her up) and she never married or had kids.

I would much rather someone 'lust' after me because they want to spend time with me, and talk to me, listen to me, rather than because I look attractive. Attractiveness is so fleeting but people can be beautiful at any age.

It is very common. I also was very, very insecure about my appearance, I simultaneously hated it and thought it was the only valuable thing about me.

‘Not one man that touched me up apologised and I always got called frigid. ‘

frigid! I used to get called that all the time by men. Not frigid mate, just not interested and not into men.
I went through a phase of wearing a fake wedding ring for a couple of years because saying I’m married was easier than I’m gay - which rarely put any one off and led to either ‘ f-ing Dyke’ or offers of 3somes - or not interested which often led to verbal abuse.

Men in their 20s really are entitled shitbags, I’ve always felt blessed that I was born gay and didn’t have to put up with their nonsense trying to find a good one in amongst all the arseholes!

I was never beautiful. But I do think I have grown into my looks and in confidence and feel less invisible now than I did in my 20s.

You could never be a spy. People remember what stunningly beautiful people look like and they don't blend in.

I am interested to know how things are different for your DD?

I have a beautiful DD that is younger than yours but has so many comments already from grown ups...she's so pretty, she should model etc. I sometimes get worried about how she will be treated as she gets older.

Not me, but my best friend.

I think it's been a double edged sword for her.

Pluses: could always get any man she wanted, offered jobs based on her looks, could blag her way in anywhere in her 20s and 30s, various wealthy men wanted to 'spoil' her with very expensive gifts, generally lots of opportunities and preferential treatment.

Minuses: non-stop male attention, sometimes physically aggressive; various women who hated her automatically; eating disorder and insecurity; impossibly high standards for herself.

I think ageing is easier if you never had much in the way of looks to lose.

I was stunning as a teenager and I won’t deny it opened doors. I got preferential treatment, free drinks, discounts, people were polite and smiled at me.

But I was also objectified a lot. Men would touch me in public without permission, often on the breasts and bottom but sometimes on the genitals as well. Guys I had dated would pass my photo around and “banter” about having dated me. Sometimes I was informed about this by decent people who thought I deserved to know. There were probably many more times that I didn’t find out what was said behind my back. Then there were the men who pretended to like me because they wanted to have sex with me, who love-bombed me then ghosted me. And the men who manipulated and abused me. Plus the rapist who attacked me at age 19. None of that would have happened if I wasn’t beautiful.

I’m now a 40 something mum and not beautiful any more. I don’t get touched, assaulted or propositioned. Men don’t “banter” and say disgusting things about me, or pretend they like me when they don’t. In fact I mostly get ignored. It’s preferable tbh.

Great point and I am planning my new career in private detection right now!

I would say I am averagely attractive but now as a woman in my 40s I like not being looked at/judged on my appearance. I like the 'invisibility' and feel judged more on my character than how I look.

@SandyWaves Yes we do get comments from adults but boys of her own age are far more civilizatied than they were when I was 16.

She does go to an all girls school with a mixed 6th form . She is in year 11 and says the boys in year 12/13 are very respectful towards the girls.
Perhaps we have been lucky so far , my teenage years were a misery . Even when my DC started school I used to get comments from creepy dads. I have a few older creepy men who live in my street, one who still makes a comment every time she sees me.

I also think girls are more aware of what is acceptable today , things have definitely changed but there is no saving the older generation.

I'm not beautiful but I've always been popular with opposite sex. Always had very attractive partners and I think my husband is very good looking man. I've never wished to be more than I am. I like my face with no make up. I'm content.

When I was young and reasonably attractive the only real difference was that men were a lot nicer to me. Which is very disappointing and shows how shallow some men are, now that I come to think about it. Now I'm 50 and invisible to all men below 75!

I was very good looking and was constantly told it. It opened lots of doors and wherever I went I received attention which I didn’t fully understand at the time. Down side is that I coasted through my time at school and uni just being pretty and I didn’t get the grades I should have. Also a lot of my personality is built around my looks and being attractive to men and I have to learn how to gain a new currency in the world and interact normally with men as I age. Also some women hate me on sight. But overall I would say it’s made my life a lot easier. People want to be my friend, very easy getting a partner I want, generally I am treated well and people assume I’m clever and work out just because I’m slim and attractive. It’s definitely a privilege.

I’m not sure whether I was beautiful…certainly not without makeup. More very pretty but tiny so I wasn’t noticed as much as if I’d been tall. A lot of women hated me because I was very shy and came across as aloof.

Now I’m 51 and I’ve aged well. I make an effort but I’m not trying to find a man because I had an early menopause and I don’t have any libido at all. I’m very smiley and chatty and I attract old men all the time. I find it very insulting that they think I’d be interested. I do like the fact that people are polite to me but I think that’s more to do with being well groomed and having a friendly face than being pretty.

I'm not very beautiful but I've certainly had people lust for me the way you describe. I'm sure more people experience this kind of physical/emotional attraction than not? You don't need to be extraordinarily beautiful for someone to be crazy for you, if you are conflating the two things?

Mind you, I was definitely gamine and attractive in my 20s and I wish I'd really appreciated that at the time.

Its a double edged sword, pretty privilege is alive and well and an advantage, I think. However young beautiful women, especially in their 20's are treated like a prized scalp by some men, literally pursuec for months pretending to be someone they're not, just for the trophy cabinet. Just creepy.

I think that the beauty standard has changed quite a lot in the past twenty years or so, as well. When I was in my teens/early twenties the sort of Love Island/Kardashian type girls weren't seen as being as hot as they are now. The nineties and aughts were the time when very slim and gamine was in. I think that has changed a great deal.

Prettiness & youth fades but proper beautiful people are still beautiful as they age.

It’s great thanks 😂

The two very beautiful women I know seem to attract female followers too - less confident women seem to be happy to help them out. Not necessarily problematic but a bit strange to observe.

My god, where do you live?! That's some serious harassment!