Friend asked me to contact manager and let them know she will be off work.

[JackMummy12]

Basically, I made friends with a girl at a former job.

I moved on to a new role in a different organisation and a few months later, she started in a completely different department at the same organisation. Our roles do not cross over I do not know her colleagues at all. This is a very big public sector organisation where we mainly WFH.

Her life has been a bit of a rollercoaster for a while and I am trying to help her through this. Lots of issues with her partner. We speak most days but this weekend it was radio silence, I knew something was up.

Came home from school run to a note through the door saying she is fine and so are the children, however partner is not. Tomorrow can I contact her manager and tell her she won't be in for a couple days as she has family issues.

I understand this needs to be her focus but this makes me really awkward . I am not her next of kin or family, if her line manager has questions I would be unable to answer as I have no idea when she will be back or what has even happened - she started less than a month ago and has not even had a pay day yet. I am also in probation as a new starter (although further into mine) and whilst I don't think I'd get in trouble for it I don't like the impression it would give to my manager if she thought I thought this was an acceptable way to contact a manager.

My friend is terrible with her phone, rarely ever has credit so relies heavily on imessage/facetime audio, which is why I am assuming she has asked me to contact her manager.

Am I being unreasonable? I don't want to not message her LM and fall out but at the same time I think this is just not really fair to put me in this position. I haven't been able to contact her all weekend, so have no way of getting a message to her to say I don't want to do this as messages aren't going through to phone, have tried to call but as its FT audio there is no VM function.

I could go to her house (which is a 15-20 minute drive) however I've no idea what this situation is and what I'd be walking into, or if she is even there.

AIBU

Yes - yes you are, contact manager
No - stay out of it

You simply say "what note?"

I think you should just raise concerns with the police tonight if you are worried about the children being properly cared for and fed as your last post suggests.
If you then hear nothing more by the morning contact the manager and say that you have received the note (forwarding a photo is a good idea) and that you have asked the police to investigate but can give no more information.
You never know, it could just possibly be a life or death situation in which case her job will be the least of her problems and yours will not be affected by trying to take appropriate steps to
help.

What made you think that they weren't eating?

If you don't want to contact the police for a welfare check then is it possible to find any of her family on social media (if she talks to them) and say you're concerned and to ask them to get her to contact you immediately or to check on her.

If not then I would be going to the police.

I think I'd message to say you can't do this as the absence policy doesn't allow it. I'd then think no more of it, it's not your responsibility to make sure she is reading her messages. Alternatively, do you have a dog? My dog chews post/notes through the door if allowed. He's generally not allowed so it doesn't cause us much of a problem, but noone else knows that.

Please do pass the message on to work, to have put a note through your door took effort which makes me think there’s a good reason why she couldn’t email or phone work herself which should be much easier than the note.

If you still can’t get hold of her tonight by phone I agree with others a welfare check might be needed. It’s very strange, and on top of your worries about them eating etc she sounds in need of intervention.

Definitely pass on the message, and check on your friend.

Do you think her work laptop has been smashed up like her phone had previously?
Maybe she can't email work from it.

I would go round- I wouldn't be thrilled about it- and say (or leave a note if she doesn't answer the door) that you won't be passing the message on. The rule is she rings in and speaks to her manager. You work for the same organisation, in a management position, are still on probation and feel very uncomfortable about being asked to do this.

TBH she is taking advantage of you. She knows what the rule is and is happy to put you in a difficult position professionally so she does not have to have a conversation she doesn't want to have with her manager. She needs to deal with this like an adult, never mind not having credit on her phone and avoiding people and work conversations. It is not fair to you and she isn't being a friend.

Well you'd be a fine friend. Maybe the OP is the only person this colleague has to turn to.

I would simply pass on the message. While it is normal that people have to call in themselves, we do have provision in our policies in some situations to accept a message via a friend or work colleague (mainly in domestic violence/abuse/family crisis situations, which it sounds like this is).

But tell the manager you have no further information nor way to contact her so will not be passing any messages back to her from them.

That seems the sensible option to me. However, you need to let your friend know that this is not the way to do things, and her employers are not going to be impressed. If she wants to keep the job she needs to act in a more professional manner in future. Chaotic life or not she needs to step up a bit.

The OP could find herself in a very difficult position professionally. She works in the same place, is a manager, knows and has to apply the rules to her team but is going to break them herself? While she's on probation?

Difficult but she shouldn't do it and should never have been asked. The other person should have contacted her manager herself

I don't know why so many of you think it's ok to pretend not to have got the note! I think that's a horrible thing to do.

I also don't know why there is so much drama around simply passing her message on. I think it would be best if you did just do as she asked. Everyone concerned knows that this isn't the way things are done, but passing it on and registering your concern about the situation shares the load so far as you are concerned, because the employer then needs to exercise their duty of care. It also removes you from the situation vis-a-vis work.

God there are some stinking rotten so-called "friends" out there!!

I don't see the problem with sending it on your manager with a message like @CompanyisComing suggested. Any decent manager will realise that you didn't invite yourself into this situation and that it's not a reflection on you.

I'd try to contact friend to ask if she is sure she wouldn't be better to ring or email in directly? If she is sure, then write an email as per the poster above who phrased it very well.

When I was much younger, I worked with somebody who sounds similar (but no kids). We became friends of sorts and her life was chaotic. There was always a drama. Bad choice in boyfriends, lodgers who absconded, drama with sibling. Drama seemed to follow her everywhere but after a while I realised she created a lot of the drama herself. She got jobs easily but always left within a short time. She became self employed and I let our friendship fade out as it was exhausting and not my scene tbh.

Is your friend 15?

You are a good friend to check on her, glad you took your DH too. I was concerned about you going on your own.

I would agree with others about requesting a welfare check tonight. Then tomorrow, pass on the note to her manager, tell him/her you have concerns about her and that you requested a welfare check.

Most workplace absence policy requires the person to contact the manager/HR directly, rather than getting someone else to contact. Perhaps you could use this as an excuse in the future?

if you speak to the manager, I would only give them the note and say that's all you know, and clarify if they would not expect you to be the go-between, so you can text her to say this.

Just pass n the message discreetly and then end the relationship. The odds are good she is not going to manage to comply with other work requirements snd will not return to the job. When people are very chaotic they lurch from one crisis to the next and eventually use up the help offered by friends, family, and HR. There is Zero reason she needed you to phone. She reached out to you because she thought as a manager you had some magical power to negotiate the leave that she lacked. She can’t manage the impersonal rules and relations of work. She thinks she needs an insider to help her. That may have been her experience in the past. But its probably also a sign that she does not intend to just work the job and do what she needs to do to manage it herself.

I would keep it short - I know this person from a former job, we are friendly and she has put this note through asking me to let you know. And then leave it there.

you cant phone in sick for someone else let alone non family-i cant even phone in sick for my dh

Exactly, note through door is red flag central.

You've no idea if it's actually her, what's happened to her, where she is, why she drove 15-20 mins away from her home to post a note and why she didn't hang about to see you.

But yes the whole things sounds suss

You need to step back from her I think.

I'd have put the note back through her door with one of my own saying this would be inappropriate and unprofessional. She needs to contact them herself.

I suppose you could contact her manager & say you know she’s got no phone credit & may not be at work - then leave it to her & her manager.

I’d stay out of it as much as possible. Why did she. It just message her manager rather than you?