To think my aunt is a major CF?

[Olieli3]

I'm 4 weeks post major surgery, not yet well enough to return to work. I've got primary age DC and a toddler so health aside my free time is limited as it is.

TLDR: This morning my aunt has called me and had a massive go at me for not going to see her.

We last spoke about 2 weeks ago and was on the phone for almost an hour catching up. I missed her call last week as I was in the middle of dinner but did send a text to follow up which she didn't respond to. She left a shitty voicemail which I haven't listened to but she relayed the context today.

So today she calls and I answered, within 30 seconds of being on the phone she's having a go at me for not going to see her and demanding to know whether I "want to know her or not"

Confused and hurt, I explained I still don't have my full mobility and the children mean I don't have much free time as it is.

On she goes, moaning at me.

I hung up.

It's not just me is it, this is really out of line?

This.

If your aunt keeps up this reporting nonsense, soon enough it will be HER who is in trouble for wasting SS time and the police might want a word with her after you've documented your problems with her. That should keep her busy 😆

@wuvoobee they are so blessed to have you in their lives.

People like you will never fully know the enormous difference, joy, comfort your kindness and support brings to the lives of children that have to try and survive confusing, dysfunctional homes.

It is very often what gets them through their younger lives, as it shows them that their family life is NOT normal and there are loving good people in the world and inspires them to seek out a better adulthood.

I'm livid at myself for not realising who and what she is sooner but I guess it's hard to see past the FOG when you've had 25 odd years of conditioning about how she always means well interspersed with what felt like genuine affection

Please try not to be angry at yourself, as you say you were conditioned to accept her behaviour.

I understand your anger though. It wasn't until I was separated from my husband that I was allowed the headspace to see his behaviour for what it was and realise that some of the things he had said to me were all part of the grooming to accept what he would do in the future.

Despite understanding so much more about it now, I still feel stupid for putting up with it, but I also realise that I didn't actually have any choice.

You are showing great strength @Olieli3 in protecting yourself from this woman, bloody well done

Thank you so much for your heart-warming comment.

Yes, I provide emotional support to them and let them know about the family dysfunction and how they are not imagining it and shouldn't blame themselves. I am lucky to know my niece and nephew and am always there for them. I'll take calls from them any time of the day or night. There is a big time difference between us as they were born abroad, but I don't let that stop me.

I'm not trying to elbow my sister out and would love them to repair their relationship, but I have asked my niece to never be afraid to come to me for whatever she may need, time, love, money, whatever.

My niece was in a very dark place about 5 years ago and she has come through it with support and is so kind and loving and special. I am so proud of her.

I don't know why my sibling can't see what she's missing.