To get behind on housework with only one baby?

KoalaPineapple · 27/11/2023 09:58

How old is baby? I have a 16 month old and still do nothing but care for them in the day while my husband is working I just can’t fit anything in while looking after them! Don’t worry about it it’s a phase of life 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pumpkinpie1 · 27/11/2023 09:59

MIL has a short memory having a baby is HARD and coping with everything is a massive learning curve.
Enjoy your baby

Hopingforno2in2024 · 27/11/2023 09:59

I kept on top of the basics but nothing more. But I had a baby who cried/shouted the entire time he was awake and only napped on me. If I had had one who cooed quietly on a playmat when awake and napped in a cot I probably could have done. So entirely depends on the baby I think!

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/11/2023 10:00

Is it possible to do housework with an awake baby??

of course it is. How old is your baby?

Frogmarch89 · 27/11/2023 10:00

How old is the baby? Before mine was mobile, yes I kept on top of things fine and she always napped really well so I could tidy around.

Toddler stage is more difficult although she does like helping me load the washing machine bless her 🤣

HAF1119 · 27/11/2023 10:02

Depends on the baby, but also gets easier as they get older. Some babies will happily sit in a rocker chair or lay on a mat looking about/batting things while you get on with things, others are exceptionally clingy

Sometimes people with the easy children think they are all like that..

Also depends on the age, under 3 months, unlikely, older than that - you stand a lot more chance

aswarmofmidges · 27/11/2023 10:03

It is possible although it's limited/ time consuming

Don't do it while baby sleeps if you are tired, sleep yourself

Stick baby in a sling , play games whilst folding washing ,help clean the kitchen by checking which pan sounds like loudest when hit with wooden spoon

And reduce standards

howsaboutit · 27/11/2023 10:03

It boils down to personal priorities I think, OP. You’ll get people coming along saying that you absolutely can and should keep the house clean and tidy.
I worried about the housework far too much in the early weeks and then gave in and did the bare minimum honestly. And looking back on my maternity leave I’m so, so glad I did that. I’d make sure laundry was done and the kitchen and bathrooms were clean but apart from that I spent time with and enjoyed my baby. On a Sunday my husband or I would do a top to bottom sort out of the house and the rest of the week I’d get by doing things I enjoyed, going on long walks, cooking, playing with my baby, reading while he slept on me, afternoon naps with him. I’ve never heard anyone say they wish they’d cleaned more on maternity leave. I have however heard countless women say they wish they’d not sweated it so much. You don’t get this time back, enjoy it. You or your baby won’t remember the piles of undone ironing or the dust that gathered on the mantelpiece.

HolySkirts · 27/11/2023 10:03

I'm not sure I did any housework when I was on maternity leave. I wrote a novel and looked after difficult, non-sleeping DS. Is your baby still quite young?

LameBorzoi · 27/11/2023 10:04

It very much depends on the baby. I think people forget how hard it is, or people who have had easy babies often don't understand what it's like with a clingy baby.

Also, it's OK to prioritise rest and other things over housework!

BertieBotts · 27/11/2023 10:04

I get behind on housework no matter what combination of dependents I have TBH. I think there are just people who naturally find that kind of thing easy and are "baffled" at anyone finding it hard (you find them on all kinds of MN threads too) and people who either get on with it fine until there's any difficulty then it all falls apart, and people who are constantly in a mess no matter what and are baffled about how other people can EVER be on top of things.

If you're in the second category The Organised Mum Method is supposed to be great.

If you're in the third category (me!!!) I really like A Slob Comes Clean. TOMM doesn't work for me because there are a few things that get in the way that A Slob addresses directly.

Catza · 27/11/2023 10:04

It's possible to keep on top of housework with an awake baby BUT, you do sound like you make a lot of extra work for yourself. I have no babies but I do also struggle to keep on top of laundry (partner works in construction and goes to the gym, so it's three changes of clothes daily) and honestly can't manage more than two loads of cooking a week (I cook a big pot of something that can last us three days). No way would I have time to make my own bread while also having decent quality of life (i.e. leaving a house at least once a day for enjoyment).
So if you equate my 40h of WFH to you looking after a baby (which much exceeds 40h per week), is there really any wonder you can't keep up?

PuttingDownRoots · 27/11/2023 10:05

I think part of your answer is your prioritise going to baby groups everyday. Thats a big chunk of time. And why not?

Nofilteritwonthelp · 27/11/2023 10:05

Your role is to nurture your baby, not to be a cleaner. Tell her she's welcome to gift you a cleaner if she's concerned with the lack of cleaner or she can tell her DS to do more

sollenwir · 27/11/2023 10:06

'Only one baby' - has MIL forgotten how much time and energy looking after a baby takes?

ChillysWaterBottle · 27/11/2023 10:08

No YANBU it's hard in my experience. I also wondered why I was struggling when I went on NCT playdates in nice clean houses and they told me they'd all got cleaners! Three of my other friends then told me they'd got cleaners after having a baby. These are not lazy or incompetent women, all were hard-working high achievers, but keeping the house sorted was the first thing they all independently sourced out as soon as a baby came along.

Richie23 · 27/11/2023 10:10

Nah your MIL has forgotten what having a baby is like.
It is possible to keep the house clean when baby is sleeping if they’re able to sleep independently.
You’ve admitted that you do a lot of classes and the reusable nappies and baking etc, which obviously makes it a bit tricker as you’re so busy. But you’re not going to look back in a few years time and wish that you’d mopped the kitchen floor more often. You’ll look back and be glad that you spent all that time with your baby, having fun at classes and making them tasty bread!

howsaboutit · 27/11/2023 10:10

Catza · 27/11/2023 10:04

It's possible to keep on top of housework with an awake baby BUT, you do sound like you make a lot of extra work for yourself. I have no babies but I do also struggle to keep on top of laundry (partner works in construction and goes to the gym, so it's three changes of clothes daily) and honestly can't manage more than two loads of cooking a week (I cook a big pot of something that can last us three days). No way would I have time to make my own bread while also having decent quality of life (i.e. leaving a house at least once a day for enjoyment).
So if you equate my 40h of WFH to you looking after a baby (which much exceeds 40h per week), is there really any wonder you can't keep up?

“It's possible to keep on top of housework with an awake baby”… “I have no babies” 🙄

The OP is making her own bread and going out to baby classes most days so she is getting out of the house. I get that your post was coming from a supportive place but you sound condescending, “is there any wonder you can’t keep up?”. It sounds to me like she is keeping up, she’s struck a perfectly good balance of doing things she enjoys, doing the laundry and kitchen cleaning and doing the rest when here DH is around. There is constant nagging pressure on mothers to keep this stepford wife standard of sparkling house and happy baby, it’s not helpful for a woman without children to tell a mother she is making extra work for herself and that’s why she can’t “keep up” the ridiculous standards we set for ourselves.

Goodornot · 27/11/2023 10:12

Your baby isn't that high needs if you have time to make food and bread from scratch.

It depends what your priorities are.

WandaWonder · 27/11/2023 10:12

I can't say it was easy (or hard) I just did it, jobs didn't stop needing doing because a baby was around

My husband was at work for 8 hours a day so what on earth would I have been doing in 8 hours that I could not do a few jobs a day?

SkaneTos · 27/11/2023 10:15

My mother's MIL, my paternal grandmother, told my mother when we were little that she did a good job with us children, but it wasn't so difficult since my mother did not have farm animals to tend to, too, like grandmother had when her children were little...

My mother and her MIL had a good relationship, but mother will never forget when she said that.

spriots · 27/11/2023 10:16

I viewed maternity leave as about looking after the baby and my recovery from birth. I didn't do any more housework than I did before, my DH still did his half.

Catza · 27/11/2023 10:17

howsaboutit · 27/11/2023 10:10

“It's possible to keep on top of housework with an awake baby”… “I have no babies” 🙄

The OP is making her own bread and going out to baby classes most days so she is getting out of the house. I get that your post was coming from a supportive place but you sound condescending, “is there any wonder you can’t keep up?”. It sounds to me like she is keeping up, she’s struck a perfectly good balance of doing things she enjoys, doing the laundry and kitchen cleaning and doing the rest when here DH is around. There is constant nagging pressure on mothers to keep this stepford wife standard of sparkling house and happy baby, it’s not helpful for a woman without children to tell a mother she is making extra work for herself and that’s why she can’t “keep up” the ridiculous standards we set for ourselves.

Show quote history

A woman without babies is not the same as a woman without children 🤔
Also, nowhere did I mention having to upkeep high standards. Quite the opposite. You picked up on my post coming from a supportive place, so why not leave it at that.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/11/2023 10:17

My DD2 is 3 and my house is still a mess. She’s a lot more independent now but if we’re not watching her closely enough, she’s found a pen (no idea where she keeps finding them as I thought I’d thrown them out or hidden them!) and is drawing on herself or she’s emptied her water out to make a puddle to splash in. She makes more mess whilst we desperately try to clear up somewhere else. My washing piles are always overflowing and we’re in the midst of potty training so that doesn’t help. Plus, DD1 wears something once and puts it in the wash rather than hang it back up. She’s 9 and doesn’t smell and isn’t a roll in the mud sort of child.

Give yourself a break. BLW is great but you don’t have to make it so traumatic with making everything from scratch. My two eat Hovis white bread and they’re fine!

Original poster

Movingstressangst · 27/11/2023 10:17

KoalaPineapple · 27/11/2023 09:58

How old is baby? I have a 16 month old and still do nothing but care for them in the day while my husband is working I just can’t fit anything in while looking after them! Don’t worry about it it’s a phase of life 🤷🏼‍♀️

Gosh, this got quite a few responses quickly! He's 7 months old.

Not mobile, but very frustrated about that fact so likes to be held standing up a lot.

I can get a decent 20 mins out of him in the walker and a few mins on the mat, but I use that time for cooking/cleaning the kitchen and basic personal hygiene 🤣.

Reassuring posts so far thank you. If it is just about priorities then I'm happy to deprioritise housework!

OP posts: