To get behind on housework with only one baby?

[Movingstressangst]

My MIL kindly watched the baby for a few hours yesterday while I caught up on housework. My DH normally does a good amount but has been ill and the house was honestly such a mess!

She was nice about it but genuinely mystified why I was struggling to do housework with only one baby when I'm not working. Is she right? Did other people find this easy?? If so, please tell me your tricks!

To be fair, I'm definitely making life harder for myself in a number of ways. Reusable nappies adding to the laundry mountain, baby led weaning incl making everything from scratch including the bread (in a bread maker, I'm not totally batshit). We go to baby groups every weekday but one.

My limit is keeping on top of the kitchen and laundry. Everything else comes when my DH takes baby out for a walk. Is it possible to do housework with an awake baby??

My DS is 2.5 and I’m still not on top of the housework!

I think you’re doing all the right things… short bursts when possible.

I tried to “involve” DS as much as possible… so if I was hanging washing on the airer I’d let him chew a few socks while I did it.

It also took me a while to get over the mindset that I had to be “entertaining” my DS all the time, and it was fine for him to just be next to me while I was trying to do bits and bobs.

I did find cooking the most challenging though.

Honestly, housekeeping with one wasn't an issue, but then you couldn't have paid me to go to playgroups every day at seven months. When I had a two year old and a baby, that got trickier and I remember letting the house go to seed through the day and then doing a house blitz each evening. By the time I had three I focused on keeping the house tidy, the laundry going and got a cleaner until we were out of the baby days.

I look after my dgc for 2 days/nights a week. When I have my dgc nothing gets done in the house!! My priority is the baby. I’ve blitzed the house/washing/ironing today as we have dgc tomorrow. You have your priorities totally right.

I think it depends on how old the baby is, how fussy they are and also how tired you are!!

I have a 7 month old who only naps for 30 mins at a time (been that way since about 3 months!). If I’ve had a good nights sleep I might use that time to do a few ‘easy’ jobs, wipe the kitchen surfaces, hang up a load of washing, general tidying etc but I can’t properly clean the bathroom or anything like that. So I just keep things afloat! I can normally do the hoovering while she’s awake because she stares at it utterly fascinated so that’s helpful.

And if she’s had a rough night and I haven’t sleep well I won’t really do much at all - I’ll cherish the breaks by having a Power Nap myself or just enjoying sitting in the silence for 30 mins!! I think letting go and appreciating you can’t do it all by yourself is freeing (but I appreciate easier said than done).

Bless your mother in law. I bet her house wasn't spotless when she had babies though!

As a fellow mum, well done for catching up with your housework. However next time there's an offer, I'd like you to have a sleep, get your hair done, go for a coffee or whatever you fancy. The devil in me thinks perhaps MiL could crack on while babysitting!

But seriously, there will always be housework. You don't win prizes for being spotless. Your baby won't look back on their childhood grateful that you always cleaned behind the fridge. They will be grateful that you are fit, healthy, fun and present in their lives though, and a top way to ensure this is to look after your physical and mental health.

Your MIL probably did housework and little else. Not sure how old you DH is, but I was born in the 80s and baby groups weren't really a thing back then. My mum did housework, but had no adult interaction in the day, didn't have a support network (family far away), and was bored to tears a lot of the time. I had my babies in the last 7 years and, like you, prioritised getting out of the house over housework. If I could go back in time and have a cleaner house instead of going to all the baby groups, having conversations, coffees, cakes, making connections, making memories, not a chance would I do anything differently!

I struggle with an 8 year old boy, partner (who is shit at housework) in only a two bedroom flat.
I got a cleaner.
Give a shit what your MIL thinks, and I'd recommend getting a cleaner to help too.

I don’t think I went to any baby groups when mine was 7 months.

Didn’t do much housework either though 😂😂😂

i don’t see how BLW makes a difference just give them whatever you’re eating. Assuming you have a normal size house, I can clean my 3 bed house in an hour, I do it once a week.

My house is fairly clean these days and my “babies” are young adults! I never prioritized housework over kid time, so definitely had to lower my standards!

At 7 months, all of my kids would play for a bit and took decent naps, so I could keep up with basics, but nothing fancy!

Enjoy your LO, the time goes by quickly.

Yanbu. It's very hard if they are immobile and not happy about it.

Oh it depends on so many things! Age of baby, temperament of baby, if they nap in a cot etc.

Also as PP mentioned, it’s about priorities and for you, that sounds like baby groups and making homemade baby food and tbh they are the same two things I prioritise with my young toddler too. (I do have two older kids as well but they’re at school). However, I do think it’s great if you can get babies/toddlers used to the idea of independent play early on, so you can get on with jobs. My toddler is 14 months and he will happily do short bursts of independent play whilst I do jobs- it’s always been important to me that he can do that. He is very clingy and it is hard, but he is getting there. It also helps that he reliably naps for 2 hrs in his cot in the middle of the day, so I do bits then too, but also take some time ‘off’!

I very rarely got anything done when DD was that age, when she started crawling at 11 months it became a bit easier. I had a sling but still didn't force myself to do a huge amount other than feed us both.
I've now got DD (2y4m) and DS (11 months) and some days are better than others.
DD is fine but DS is quite clingy. Some days I can hoover, wash up, make dinner and other days will just be feeding us and playing.
I'll often wait until DH is home or we leave most of it till weekend and attack it together or one of us will play with kids and other will clean.

Don't be hard on yourself and just do it when DH is home and at weekends.

I think you're doing a great job OP, it's really hard to keep on top of housework with a baby and especially if DH is ill, your MIL (like most) has a short memory, ignore her. It also depends on priorities. I like the house to be tidy at the end of the day (for myself) but wouldn't personally bother with making so much baby food from scratch etc (I probably did first time around but I'm on baby 3 now and it's a different ball game!) I think it's great you make homemade bread though, I wish my partner did that! If you can afford it I'd hire a cleaner rather than compromise on how you want to live/ parent.

I have two. Youngest is 6 weeks old. My house is spotless but I can't cope with it any other way. I manage because after the 4.30am bottle I don't go back to bed, that's where I clean/tidy/food washing/do packed lunches/prep dinner etc so that then I have the day with baby. It works well for us but I appreciate I manage on very little sleep where as others don't.

What are you doing in nap times/when baby is in the bouncy chair? Could you get a sling and do house work with baby in that?

It's totally dependant on the age and personality of the baby.

Newborn, sleep when you can because it's tiring.

Dd used to be in a sling and as she got older I'd pop her in her high chair with toys and snacks while I cleaned round about her. Washing went on when she napped. As she got older she helped.

Ds was like a tornado. Wherever I tidied he was at my back undoing everything I'd just done.

So yes it is possible but it depends on the child.

Back carrying can help.

Also housework can be interesting to a baby, so long as you engage with them a bit. Put them in a bouncer or high chair and talk as you go along, let them play with something related like a duster or something.

I think the main thing is whether housework is something you want to spend your energy on. I fundamentally don't.

Yanbu. I have a 10 year old and a 11 month old and struggle to get anything done. Sometimes I look at the clock and it’s 11am and all I’ve done is take DC1 to school and breakfast! I find it extremely frustrating tbh, to not be able to just go and clean the bathroom or whatever. It stresses me out living in a messy house. But like others have said it’s a phase and one day he’ll be at school all day and I’ll have all the time in the world to clean the floors 😢

I try and do what I can around him, eg I’ll put him in his high chair with some toys and music playing while I wash up or fold washing but never more than 30 mins. Then I’m nap times I set a 30 minute timer and do whatever I can in that 30 mins, after that I’ll make a brew and sit down til he wakes up. The rest I do when he’s in bed.

I very much just prioritise the absolute necessities- food, clean dishes, clean clothes, bins. Occasionally hoover. The rest has massively taken a back seat since having a baby. I can usually get most of the necessities done while she plays on the floor or when my wife gets home from work.

Most days, she will sleep for around 2 1/2 hours across two naps, but I spend most of that time reading! I've decided I'd rather have my reading time and a slightly dishevelled house.

Bless you OP, it sounds so tough.

No babies here but some possible tips:

• clean the bathroom/shower when you're in it! Wipe down the shower/bath while you're waiting for your conditioner to do it's thing. Put bleach down the loo and scrub after you've been for wee every now and again.
• If you can wear the baby but don't feel comfortable bending, do things that are tabletop/countertop related e.g. wiping surfaces, chopping veg/fruit, refilling jars, cleaning windows etc.
• Hoover whilst baby is on you - if they're not noise sensitive. Or just do it and slowly build it up so the baby is used to it and sleeps through.
• Stick baby in front of the washing machine. My mum used to put me in a carrier and plop me in front of it. I used to watch the laundry go round and round whilst mum tidied the kitchen!

You're not alone!
I have a 6 month old and I struggle to try and do any house work. The nearest I can attempt in the day is washing up the dishes. Or washing clothes.
But only with my little one with me in the high chair in our kitchen. So I'm still keeping them company and socialising but attempting to do something. It really is hard to do especially when you're on the go 27/7.
Except my OH when he's not at work, My Mum is the only visitor to my home who will help do washing up and cleaning. Which honestly is the best help whilst I look after my little one.

Call me old fashioned, I can take it, but I always managed to have a tidy/clean house with one child. I’m afraid I wasn’t one for spending 24/7 entertaining my wain, she’d go in her bouncer (or even better in her pram in the garden even in the winter for a nap).
I also had a play pen.

I spent plenty of time with her, singing, talking, playing etc during the day, but I’m afraid a clean house was also important (please note I don’t say more important).

But, she was a pretty easy baby, that may well have helped a lot. But I can’t imagine literally spending all day solely focusing on a toddler or baby to the detriment of dishes sitting in the sink or baskets of dirty washing, pop the wain in her high chair and play nursery rhymes, the chores soon get done.

I'm behind and I haven't got any children.

I've been ill with this virus thats doing the rounds though so have been operating at a bare minimum level for the last 2 weeks.

I use the nap / bouncy chair time to do cooking, cleaning kitchen and laundry 😊.

It's really good to hear that people down the line are happy with their choice of priorities!

MIL's house is always immaculate, and based on what my DH says always has been. I'd like our house to be tidier, but honestly not at the expense of the other things taking up my time.

Back carrying in the sling and more cot naps are definitely going to be advice I follow though!