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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get behind on housework with only one baby?

102 replies

Movingstressangst · 27/11/2023 09:57

My MIL kindly watched the baby for a few hours yesterday while I caught up on housework. My DH normally does a good amount but has been ill and the house was honestly such a mess!

She was nice about it but genuinely mystified why I was struggling to do housework with only one baby when I'm not working. Is she right? Did other people find this easy?? If so, please tell me your tricks!

To be fair, I'm definitely making life harder for myself in a number of ways. Reusable nappies adding to the laundry mountain, baby led weaning incl making everything from scratch including the bread (in a bread maker, I'm not totally batshit). We go to baby groups every weekday but one.

My limit is keeping on top of the kitchen and laundry. Everything else comes when my DH takes baby out for a walk. Is it possible to do housework with an awake baby??

OP posts:
Movingstressangst · 27/11/2023 10:19

I often see people mention carriers. What housework can you actually do with those on please? I always feel like bending over is tricky/precarious.

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 27/11/2023 10:21

Goodornot · 27/11/2023 10:12

Your baby isn't that high needs if you have time to make food and bread from scratch.

It depends what your priorities are.

Yes, this.

You're choosing a nice leisurely lifestyle for yourself, going to baby groups nearly every day and making your own bread etc.

It sounds amazing and I think you should relax and enjoy it while you can.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/11/2023 10:21

My husband was at work for 8 hours a day so what on earth would I have been doing in 8 hours that I could not do a few jobs a day?

Looking after your baby and recovering from pregnancy. 🤨 Maybe you were lucky and had a baby who napped in a cot and was happy to sit in a bouncer/play mat whilst you did house work but I had no such babies. They both only slept on me for many months and neither liked their bouncer/play mat for long enough to get much done. Maybe a load of washing in or emptying the dishwasher…

EmpressoftheMundane · 27/11/2023 10:21

The older generation had different attitudes. Babies were left to cry more. It was an accepted and unremarkable thing.

The younger generation is more baby led snd into attachment parenting.

Everyone is unique and an individual, of course, but I wonder if this is a generational thing? I wasn’t happy to leave my babies on their own crying, either.

Movingstressangst · 27/11/2023 10:21

HolySkirts · 27/11/2023 10:03

I'm not sure I did any housework when I was on maternity leave. I wrote a novel and looked after difficult, non-sleeping DS. Is your baby still quite young?

Haha love the throwaway "I just wrote a novel". I thought I might do that... Not one word written yet !

OP posts:
MarinaDuval · 27/11/2023 10:23

SkaneTos · 27/11/2023 10:15

My mother's MIL, my paternal grandmother, told my mother when we were little that she did a good job with us children, but it wasn't so difficult since my mother did not have farm animals to tend to, too, like grandmother had when her children were little...

My mother and her MIL had a good relationship, but mother will never forget when she said that.

Farming families 🙈😆. My Mum had this with me, my grandma saying they dropped the baby and were back shifting bales an hour later (that's if they didn't give birth in the fields with the sheep). Major hyperbole.
Older generations would put the kids in playpens, or outside in a pram whilst they got on with stuff, there weren't all the opportunities to socialise out of the house with your baby either.
Mine are grown, but I haven't forgotten how hard it was, some babies also require more input than others. I used to get stuff done whilst wearing a babysling, but there were never enough hours.

lanthanum · 27/11/2023 10:26

I had one easy baby, and the house is still very frequently a tip - after 17 years. As others have said, it partly depends on priorities, and a beautifully clean house is not one of mine (and even less so for the others in the household). If it used to be one of yours, relax!

I do remember that, having replaced our hoover about the time DD was born, I discovered after 14 months that I didn't know how to change the bag. I had done some hoovering, but DH did more, and always got "oh, and the bag could do with changing"!

Kitchen and laundry is most of it, so well done for managing all that.

Ren34 · 27/11/2023 10:27

It really depends on the baby, with some of mine they would sit in the chair while I got on with jobs and even nap for a couple of hours so wasn’t so much of an issue. Juggling housework with baby who still woke up in night, hardly napped and mobile and needed constant supervision and not happy being popped on playpen was much more of a challenge. Booking a couple of sessions in nursery a week helped a lot, although not cheap 😬
One of my DC was so easy wouldn’t of dreamed of doing this as was sort you could pop on a blanket with a few toys and would be happy for hours, if had been my only DC I would be the sort of person understand how you couldn’t get the housework done either 🤣🙈

Movingstressangst · 27/11/2023 10:28

I guess I feel like the baby care for me already adds up to 8 hours? 2 hours for groups including travel, 3 hrs per 24 hr period breastfeeding, 2 hours meal prep plus cleanup. Plus changes, playing with him etc. Maybe part of it is that I feel like he's not breastfeeding any less than before at the mo, so maybe that will improve once he has more solids.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/11/2023 10:28

Movingstressangst · 27/11/2023 10:19

I often see people mention carriers. What housework can you actually do with those on please? I always feel like bending over is tricky/precarious.

I had a stretchy sling for DD2 that kept her quite snuggled in. I used to put her in it whilst DD1 was homeschooling or whilst putting the hoover round. I wouldn’t have used it for cooking as I would have worried about accidentally burning her.

Crishell · 27/11/2023 10:28

I'm not surprised you don't have time to do the housework.
I didn't make my own bread and I struggled too.
Everything with a baby takes time. Making breakfast, clearing up, baby class, lunch, clearing up, etc.
After a few hours my kitchen used to look like a bombsite.

I think it's normal to be honest. You probably could make life better for yourself but each to their own.
Housework isn't a big priority in the early days. You'll feel like you're chasing your tail. Prioritise getting some washing going, keeping the kitchen and bathrooms wiped down as often as you can think on, otherwise don't sweat it.

Penguin34 · 27/11/2023 10:30

My daughter napped till she was 2 so I was able to blitz the house then. hoovered everyday. Dinner prepped for us. My house was never so clean!
She used to nap for about 2hrs! It was amazing!
I cannot imagine having 2hrs spare a week now, let alone a day. Then she stopped and never napped a wink again.

We went to a group each day but I made sure she would be home for nap time.
I did blw and made everything from scratch so I used to batch cook so every other Friday I cooked most of the day!

I went back to work when she was 5 months part time and my mum had her at our house wed/thur/sat and used to have a tidy for me when she napped and iron for me which was a great help.

Now she's 5, we both work full time, school, homework, clubs, house always seems a mess ALL.THE.TIME

mammabing · 27/11/2023 10:36

It’s possible if you pick your battles. Not everything needs to be spotless all the time.
I tend to wash up as I go during the day as LO is happy enough in his high chair playing for a few mins after each meal.
Laundry wise I will load the washing the night before and get DH to put it on before he leaves work in the morning. Then all I have to do is put it out and the dry stuff away.
I also meal prep at the weekend when DH is home so I don’t need to cook much at all during the week.

BusySittingDown · 27/11/2023 10:36

Yes, it's possible to do housework with an awake baby. It's sometimes possible to clean the house from top to bottom while they nap. Meh.

On your deathbed are you going to be saying, "oh how I wished that I'd done more cleaning and keeping on top of the house while DC was small!" No! You'll be thanking your lucky stars that you spent time cuddling and entertaining.

My DC are 16 and 12 now and my house is spotless, but they're out at school all day and they're nagged to tidy after themselves. I work from home so can do it as I go.

When my first was small my house was a disaster area. The time was spent entertaining her when she was awake, we were constantly out and about. When she napped did I do housework? Did I fuck! I spent that time relishing the peace and quiet and getting to watch something I wanted to watch on TV, instead of Ceebeebies!

BurbageBrook · 27/11/2023 10:37

Maybe MIL left her babies to cry?

BurbageBrook · 27/11/2023 10:37

(If it wasn't clear no YANBU!)

Backagain23 · 27/11/2023 10:40

It's called "maternity leave" not "housework leave". You are using your time for it's intended purpose, which is to take care of your baby.
The fact that you are doing all the extra plus keeping on top of the kitchen and laundry make you a bit of a superhero in my eyes.
I could have ran the country with DS1.
Could barely run a bath with DS3.
Different babies are just different.

BertieBotts · 27/11/2023 12:14

A back carrier works, but it's hard to get a secure back carry with a 7mo on your own - I wouldn't suggest it. Also it will fuck up your pelvic floor if you don't know how to properly manage lifting, which they don't teach you in the UK. I wouldn't bother with the carrier unless you're having the feeling that you would desperately love to go around with a little baby bundle on your back (and if you do, sling meets and sling libraries are excellent for support with this!!)

That stage when they can nearly crawl/sit but can't quite do both yet is enormously frustrating for both of you. It is much easier when you can plonk them on the kitchen floor with a small saucepan and a wooden spoon or have a specific cupboard full of non breakable things that they can explore while you get on with things. Once they are mobile, they tend to be happier to potter about between rooms and you can pop in and out, keeping an eye on them or just doing something on the other side of the room they are in.

Of course then you get to the lovely stage where they are taking things out of drawers as fast as you're folding them and putting them in! That's another challenge.

I think it's fine for standards to be lower when you have little ones. Prioritise anything which is related to health and safety - food prep areas, bathrooms, and after this anything which makes your day run smoothly - clothes washing, anything like lunchboxes ready, batch cooking, keeping floors clear etc. Everything on top of this is a bonus honestly!

And identify some "top priority jobs" that need to be done when there are two adults present such as the bins being taken out, the dishwasher being emptied (I found this was unsafe to do with an older baby/toddler as they invariably tried to climb in, grab sharp knives, breakable glasses etc) or anything that can't be interrupted without consequence, such as washing up or hanging up wet clothes to dry (two tasks I have blissfully now outsourced to machines). - I mean this because for example if you leave the washing up halfway through and then get stuck with DC for a longer time, you end up coming back to cold greasy water that you have to drain and start again, which wastes time. (And washing left wet in a machine is OK, but left wet in a basket = creases)

Other jobs, like folding laundry and putting it away or so on, try to do these in an "interruptible way" so for example I tend to fold directly from the dryer/airer into a basket, and then the basket can be put to the side somewhere, rather than piles which can get kicked over, fall over, get mixed up with dirty stuff etc which all just makes more unnecessary work.

ganglion · 27/11/2023 12:27

I've got one who will only nap on me and I manage ok. She's only 6 months but I cook, do laundry and clean holding her, in a bouncer (her not me) or on her playmat. I make the boring stuff fun. She loves doing laundry with me and when we do non urgent jobs like sorting out a drawer, it's like Christmas to her.

It seems like you've made your day somewhat difficult with reusable nappies and bread making so could you try to make those things easier?

Full transparency, my daughter has a cardiovascular condition which means it's not advised for her to go to playgroups, so we try to make everything at home seem fun.

ReadySalty · 27/11/2023 12:28

I expect your mil probably had disposable nappies, used jarred food, and pooper her baby in a jumper op for hours in front of the tv.

Don't worry about what she thinks.

Curiosity101 · 27/11/2023 12:42

Movingstressangst · 27/11/2023 10:19

I often see people mention carriers. What housework can you actually do with those on please? I always feel like bending over is tricky/precarious.

At 7 months old if your baby has good head/neck control and can sit properly then you can back carry. I carried mine around loads and contrary to a PP found it very easy/straightforward even with a very high percentile DS.

However, I agree with everyone who has said YANBU and that if you're happy to let the housework slide then go for it. Like PPs, I suspect that your MIL is partly forgetting what it was like and partly will have been way more hands-off than modern-day parents. Not commenting on whether that's better or worse, but it will potentially have allowed for more free time to stay on top of things.

Prioritise whatever makes you and baby happy so long as your DH is on board.

FWIW both of my two were easy babies and I never went to baby groups (I'm not very social), so we just hung around at home and they entertained themselves on their mats or in a bouncer etc whilst I did housework. Two important bits of information though - they were easy babies and I chose to prioritise housework as my MH tanks if the house is messy and disorganised. Unfortunately, now we have 2 DSs and me and DH work full time so the house is in complete chaos all of the time and my MH is in the toilet. Go figure 🙄

TheBirdintheCave · 27/11/2023 12:56

After about three months I got into a routine with it and we were full time reusable nappies too BUT I'm a minimalist and we don't have a lot of things so dusting and tidying is pretty quick and simple. At lot of the cleaning just moved to early evening and the weekend though, either when son was in bed or napping. And it wasn't all me, my husband did his share too.

We didn't bother with BLW as I can't do food mess 😅

We're getting a breadmaker for Christmas and I'm really excited as it also does noodle and pizza dough 😬

Bearbookagainandagain · 27/11/2023 13:31

I can't and I only go to baby groups 1 day a week! We've got a cleaner and everything gets back on track once a week, then slowly descends to hell over the weekend when the toddler is home😂

I guess we are not particularly tidy and we don't care about a bit of mess, so we don't prioritise this either.

Betty407 · 27/11/2023 13:41

I have 8m old twins... I got a cleaner.

Still have no time in the day for the usual laundry, general tidying, cooking etc and I definitely use disposable nappies and don't make my own bread, and do 2 baby groups a week.

I do keep my house very clean and tidy, but I do it all while they nap/ once theyre in bed. When they're awake I just play with them/feed them to be honest, you don't get this time back.

However if you ever really need 20 mins to get something done and they're not in the mood to just play on the floor themselves, hey bear sensory on youtube.

So no, not unreasonable!

NoCloudsAllowed · 27/11/2023 13:44

Depends on the baby. Previous generations also had fairly rigid routines, often putting baby out of earshot in a pram in the garden while they did stuff (that's probably more like 50s/60s which is probably a lot earlier than your MIL's day!) or used playpens.

Screw the housework. We have a cleaner an hour a week that takes the edge off it a bit, a robot hoover, and low standards.

Spending time with your baby is much more important than well scrubbed skirting boards or whatever.

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