To get behind on housework with only one baby?

[Movingstressangst]

My MIL kindly watched the baby for a few hours yesterday while I caught up on housework. My DH normally does a good amount but has been ill and the house was honestly such a mess!

She was nice about it but genuinely mystified why I was struggling to do housework with only one baby when I'm not working. Is she right? Did other people find this easy?? If so, please tell me your tricks!

To be fair, I'm definitely making life harder for myself in a number of ways. Reusable nappies adding to the laundry mountain, baby led weaning incl making everything from scratch including the bread (in a bread maker, I'm not totally batshit). We go to baby groups every weekday but one.

My limit is keeping on top of the kitchen and laundry. Everything else comes when my DH takes baby out for a walk. Is it possible to do housework with an awake baby??

Honestly I found the 7MO stage very easy and the house was spotless. I used disposable nappies and fed my DC easy stuff like ready brek with shop bought puree, avocado mashed up with a fork spread on toast made from regular sliced bread and leftovers of whatever we’d eaten for dinner the night before. Then they slept for 1 hour in the morning, 2 in the afternoon so I had so much free time! DC2 wasn’t keen on cot naps but I’d push him round the block in the pram then park it up in the hallway. I didn’t do groups as they’re my idea of hell but usually got out to see friends twice a week.

It’s the toddler stage that’s impossible, when they drop the nap and can’t be contained in anything like a playpen, highchair or jumperoo!!

I struggle to keep on top of housework... with a five year old at school all day, whilst I'm unemployed!

In summer it's too hot to do housework and in winter it's too cold and only being under a heated throw all day works.

Tbf, I'm just lazy and hate housework.

I couldn't do baby groups most days! It would have felt I was tied into stuff and not able to do anything else. We did maximum 2 per week. Then other days I could do my food shopping, do abit of housework each day (so it didn't get on top of me) and cook meals.
BLW from about 7/8 months we just gave her meals that we have. If we ate later she would have the leftovers from dinner the night before. I found if I done things separate it was too much to fit in.
We don't add extra salt etc to our diet

My baby screamed bloody murder every time she wasn’t touching me, morning, noon, and night. She wouldn’t sleep alone, sit alone, or do absolutely anything without touching me. We eventually got an ASD diagnosis.

DH had to do all the housework after work . There was only so much I could manage with the baby in a sling while chronically sleep deprived.

All babies are different. DT’s sat in their bouncers in the playpen from being tiny so I did laundry, loading the dishwasher etc. However I didn’t use reusable nappies, do baby led weaning or cook from scratch. I didn’t do any baby groups but went back to work full time when they were six months old. We then had a cleaner a couple of mornings a week

Hahaha haha, OP if I knew you in real life, I'd invite you around for a (cold) cuppa.
My littlest is 19 months old.
I have OCD, my house was show home clean before DS came.
Well. Well, you'd feel better if you saw my house now.
I was firmly in the camp of "ill never, ever have toys in my living room" Now we just have a sofa in what is now affectionately referred to as the play room.
Everything had its place. Well now the playroom (aherm, livingroom) has a pile of clothes I've taken him out of, and a pile that he will go into- it's cleared every single evening but I think I'm the only one who sees it that way.
DS smuggled up a crayon yesterday, and drew all over my TV stand whilst dad had him...idgaf today.

The kitchen, oh the kitchen...DS throws his food. Today, I'm not even ashamed to say that he was having a tantrum, so I've left my lunch plate and my tea mug on the table, and DS' tray with his half looked at lunch still on it.

My achievement. I got the cheese he put up his nose during lunch, out of his nostril, he's clean, and mostly a happy baby...apart from those tantrums that keep sneaking in.

My MIL would absolutely judge if she came to my house, but her grandson is watched like a hawk and loved for every moment he is awake. He doesn't really nap unless we're getting into the car/ in the car to pick up his sister.
The bleach comes out when he sleeps if we're home, but these days, they're not the ones where we prioritise cleaning.

I could've done it with my youngest two, as they were the most placid, amazing, gentle sweet little happy babies ever, content to sit in a sling whilst I walked around etc. My oldest was an absolute fucking nightmare of a human - that kid was an extremely, extremely high needs baby. I couldn't get ANYTHING done with him, I could barely cook, I didn't shower for days because he would just scream and scream and throw himself at the shower door,NOTHING entertained him, he hated tv, hated toys, didn't sleep...I was dead. Dead from him. (He's awesome now though, but fuck me, those were some depressing years). The house was a pigsty for a few years, that's for sure.

My own childhood, my mother kept a spotless, immaculate show home BUT...I have zero memories of playing with her. I barely remember her even me int he room with me, she was always cleaning and tidyng and ironing.

What on earth do you do with the baby for the whole day, I'd be swinging from the rafters with boredom. Babies must have changed immensely over that last forty years or maybe mothers are too afraid to let them play on their own at what ever age.

When does it stop? Asking for a friend ....

Sorry for the derail OP!

Wow, 3hrs of naps a day? Youngest never slept for more than 35 mins on a good day after a battle and constant night wakenings.

Currently have an 8 month old, if I'm lucky I stick some laundry on or the dishwasher but that's about it! It doesn't help he mostly only naps while cuddled stubbornly waking every time I try to put him down

@Ohthatsfabulousdarling Oh wow I really feel for you, that sounds very hard :(

If babywearing while doing housework/have to get down, then always bend your knees not your back. And careful when you're turning round or going through doorways etc, making sure your baby isn't leaning out and could hit into something.

At 7 months he should be ok to go on your back, which gives you more freedom for your hands to do things.

You can do loads of things with a baby in a carrier! Try some tidying, or meal prep with him on your back. You'll find what works for you.

It really depends on the baby and your attitude towards ignoring them.

My eldest wanted to be involved in everything (or to have attention) so doing anything took much much longer than if she would have been happy with her own company. I couldn't shower, cook, clean, do laundry without her needing to be with me and having my attention. Her screaming was awful - she made it sound like I was torturing her!

My youngest has always been happy left to her own devices (an absolute blessing during lockdown!). No problems at all keeping the home tidy and organised with her as a baby.

If you have a child remotely like my eldest then the only way to get stuff done is to accept you're going to make them miserable for chunks of time. Back in the 70s/80s this was pretty much the norm, these days people are far more in tune with prioritising their child over keeping a polished home.

This might be why MIL is baffled, in her day ignoring a child for a while to cook/clean was acceptable as long as they were safe, this is often a blindspot for parents from that era I find. I bet MIL wouldn't be mystified if she had to keep on top of all her housework/personal hygiene with your baby there 24/7.

I do find it's priorities sadly and some things maybe don't need to matter for a few months while baby is little. I find mine has happy chunks of 20-30 minutes but i have to time it right, and choose which activities are most important to get done first. If baby groups/cooking etc is important to your day then that's the first one, as you say the essentials are getting done and I don't think there's anything wrong with other cleaning waiting for your partner to take the baby later on, rather than squeezing everything in the day but not doing what you enjoy

Yes, tbf to MIL it was the late 80s and I think that they weren't at the bottom of the garden in their pram! When I questioned her further she seemed to have done a combo of carrying the babies on her hip while hoovering (she was in her early 20s, whereas my wizened mid 30s body would definitely protest this!) and not picking the babies up when they "whinged" rather than full on cried. The problem is that if my DS is ready to be picked up, the ramp up to total meltdown would take under a minute 🤣.

The answer is probably somewhere in the middle. Like others have said, she probably has slightly forgotten the tricky bits, but I am probably a little too soft with not persuading baby to nap in the cot (e.g. I got him down this morning, but he's asleep on me right now!). But there are a finite number of contact naps and they're so snuggly 😍.

Btw it saves a TON of time to just give the baby whatever food you're making for yourself. Just when you're cooking, separate the baby's portion from yours before adding salt etc. This method also helps your baby get used to the flavours/textures you have in your normal cooking so they won't have to adjust as much as you gradually move from their 'original' baby food to their child food - as one day you'll be giving them the same food as your own anyway, so might as well start early.

Also this way you can still do baby led weaning and cook from scratch if that's what you prefer, but use less time overall.

I used to batch cook certain foods for my baby, thinking I was saving time, but actually I was spending more time 🤷🏼‍♀️

Also it hadn't occurred to me to try back carrying. My DH works from home mostly so can help me get that on and off. Could be a good bet, thanks!

As a SAHP my house was never perfect. Yes I could tidy this area of the living room
where his toys have exploded, but it will look exactly the same in an hours time. So what’s the point. Your house is not a show home, it’s a family home and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it looking like a family lives there.

On baby led weaning, we are giving him what we have, but he takes ages to eat it and the clean up takes a while. However big a bib we get him he still ends up needing a full outfit change!

I never wanted to do blw - too messy for me. I spoon fed pouches and jars. The easiest approach for me although starting full time nursery at six months was a big help

Honestly… it depends on the baby, how old is he and how much sleep both of you are getting at night and during the day.

I also cooked from scratch and due to baby, asthma and eczema the amount of laundry and vacuum cleaning was horrendous even when exh was doing a lot around the house.

If your baby doesn’t sleep well, go to sleep when he goes to sleep, even for the midday nap. You can keep the house in an acceptable condition following these 5 rules:

1. Tidy up the room you are using before leaving it for the day.

2. Clean the bathroom while baby is having their bath (as long as it is safe)

3. Cook 2-3 times as you need and start freezing food for other days.

4. Clean the kitchen as you cook, no need to wait for the pasta to boil to clean all other stuff you have finished using.

5. Lower the lights and lightly spray the house with furniture cleaner when MIL or friends are visiting 😁

Its difficult. Some people manage, some people find it challenging. I had a child who absolutely did not want to be left on the mat whilst I worked or cooked. He wanted holding. Yet if I sat and watched tv he was absolutely fine to play himself. And he was not a napper, he would have cat naps.

So I would send DS to MIL whilst I caught up with chores. So I totally get where you are coming from.

I definitely don't think you're unreasonable!

My flat is a nightmare because I have a 14mo. When I was still on maternity leave it was almost impossible to get anything done; now I can do more when she's not around (wfh, so can put washing in etc). But with her present it's hard enough to even cook her dinner, she wants attention all the time.

Everything is so hard with a baby around, your MIL is BU!

Ouch that sounds really tough for you but 11-12 hours overnight and 3-4 hours of naps totalling 14-16 hours a day is the ‘typical’ amount of sleep for a 7MO so mine were by no means unusual. I was definitely lucky that they were happy in the pram so that didn’t have to be held but they were honestly very average babies.

I think they all go through phases though and 6-12 months was by far and away the easiest for me with both of them. I wasn’t doing elaborate BLW recipes, making bread or washing nappies though, that has got to take up a lot of time, so it sounds like OP has just made a choice about what to prioritise which is absolutely her prerogative. But there’s only so much time and no one can do it all.

And I will also say that mine definitely got me back as toddlers in return for being easy babies!