To want to come with my husband to visit MIL if she's diagnosed with cancer

[sandymama]

My MIL and I don’t have the closest relationship - we are civil when we meet but aren’t particularly close. In the past there have been issues with disrespecting boundaries from her side (in my view) and I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m not warm enough, in that I make polite small talk whereas she’d prefer if I told her all about my deepest worries and had no issue inviting her to watch me give birth.

I am however incredibly close to my husband, as cliche as it sounds we’re best mates in every sense of the word, he’s said himself he isn’t comfortable talking to anyone about how he feels except with me. He is very close to his mum himself.

There’s a high chance MIL is about to be diagnosed with cancer (had cancer before, has all the symptoms again now, waiting for scan results). I asked my husband if it does get confirmed, would he like me and our 2yo daughter to come with him to visit. He said he will see how he feels. I REALLY feel I should come with him because apart from me he doesn’t truly share how he feels with anyone - not his mates, not his family. I’m happy to keep out of the way most of the time, to take our daughter out if at any time he needs to be 1 on 1 with family, to be there full time with family and not stay in a hotel as we normally do, anything. I just want to be there to support HIM because he has a tendency to bottle things up when he’s upset unless I work hard to get him to talk, and in the past that’s led to issues with his mental health. Also as a side point, I know how much his mum loves our daughter and if there is bad news it would cheer the whole family up hugely to see her, play with her (in the past she’s said it really cheered her up when she saw our daughter, during a difficult patch in her life), so from that point of view it would be good to go too.

Any advice? What should / shouldn’t I say in case of the diagnosis? How can I ensure I’m there to support him?

YABU.

It's not about you and what you feel and what you want. It's about your DH and his mum. If either of them decide they would rather be there alone then there's no further discussion. You sound pretty overbearing and self centred with this.

^^ This.
It’s highly inappropriate for you to decide to make your dd the centre of attention just because apparently everyone loves her ffs!
Give your MIL and her family time to digest the bad news (IF it is bad news), not make it all about you.

Well surely you would go along with whatever he and MIL want. If they say not ti go, what are you thinking of doing? Forcing your way because you think you should be there? Arguing because someone on MN agrees with you? There used to be nothing you can do in this scenario that would be appropriate other than doing whatever dh asks

It's all about the OP isn't it

Some best friend to have

Everyone has covered that this is about your MIL, not DH or you and DD. You and DD need to stay home. In addition to what everyone else has said, it is beyond inappropriate to give your DD the job of cheering people up. Children should never be expected to distract people or make them happy. Their coping and emotions are not your DD’s responsibility to manage. If anything, you need to protect your DD from this. This is an emotionally charged situation, full of a lot of stress. You need to keep your DD far away from that unless and until things calm down. MIL and DH need to look into therapy and support groups for cancer patients and families.

I don't think the op will return to the thread as it didn't go the way she wanted.