To think I have a really crappy family?

[reallyfedup123]

Little ones birthday today. DH’s family all called really early to chat to him. No one in my side called! I call and send cards and presents regularly to nieces/nephews but not one happy birthday. I just sent a message in my family WhatsApp saying “it’s (name) birthday today!” Should I have done that or just left it? My dad just said we forgot. To think it’s quite awful? He’s the youngest of all the kids and I feel he often gets overlooked compared to the older ones of my siblings.

That is really shit, did they get him a gift or card?

No nothing at all

I don’t really care about cards or presents but just like a quick video chat like I have done all these years to all their kids

I’m the youngest too and all my life I’ve always felt inferior to my siblings and never were things the same. My parents excuse was once you get to the third child you kind of get over it! They are doing exactly same to my kids. The nieces and nephews have a big deal made when they were little but obviously when it comes to mine it’s not important

That’s really shit OP. I did get fewer gifts/less fuss about baby compared to baby 1 but since he’s been old enough to notice the difference there has been equal fuss. And I say this as someone who has in laws who are possibly a bit too involved, and who has a family who is just really disorganised relaxed 😆, but at least they’re all consistent.

@Cheepcheepcheep thank you. I don’t know if I was clear but none of my kids have ever had a fuss (I have 2). The siblings kids omg! If I ever forgot any one’s birthday (I never did) there would be hell to pay but it’s okay they forget mine. That’s the mentality of my family - My siblings are important and their kids are important

I just called my mum (was my dad earlier) and she just laughed and said she forgot! I hate it when they do that just laugh at me. Any advice on the laughing and minimising?

Either tell them how you feel, in the hope of them listening and trying harder or, work on your expectations of them and learn to let go. Its shit but those are your two options.

@Notimeforaname thank you, good advice. I just hate the double standards. There is no way I wouldn’t get called out for forgetting a birthday

That’s really shit! I’d be very upset.

But, I suspect if you tell them how you feel they will first laugh that off too and tell you that you are being silly and if you push it, they will then tell you that you are creating a drama for no reason- which will wind you up further .

So I would accept that this is who they are and stop looking for that level of consideration from them. Sorry op.

I have the same type of double standard in my family with my older sister and parents. I get it. Its infuriating.

I'd be distancing myself (and my children) from them.

It sounds to me as if your parents have always orioritised your siblings over you. Can't have been nice for you. And now they're doing the same to you children.

So I'd be prioritising my children over my parents, and protecting my children from being made to feel second best. I'd be keeping them away from my children.

Your husband's family sound nice, your children will have family, grandparents that love them.

My parents / siblings have never paid any attention to my kids birthday's, I think unless the parents.make a big deal (have a family party) this is quite usual though.

I dont think it is normal or particularly healthy to make a big deal of siblings children's birthdays, tbh. I'd be quite annoyed if my siblings had contacted my children on their birthdays. It is quite a chore to have to be polite to an aunt or uncle for a prescribed amount of time. Their AIBU might have been "how can I stop my sister interrupting my children's birthdays every year"

Be clear. On the family WhatsApp say: ‘you guys forgot DC’s birthday and haven’t bothered with other DCs in the past either, so I have got the message and so won’t be buying for nieces and nephews any more either.’

So sorry OP. So hurtful.

If you do say something it probably won't be taken seriously, so from this point forward don't feel obliged to acknowledge other birthdays. If anything is said further down the line just say "I thought we weren't doing presents any more as xx didn't get any"

How old is he?

It's awful that they forgot and made no effort at all. In this case I think actions speak louder than words, send a text/message in the family WhatsApp on birthdays etc but make no more effort than that.
My DB forgot my DS's birthday (also today) and I'm really gutted. He made loads of effort for DS2 which makes this worse, I made loads of effort for his DS too. I won't ignore their birthdays but will certainly be scaling down the effort in future. I'm trying to show my DS that being polite and kind is one thing and being a total mug is another. Something it's taken me a long time to work out.
Sorry they've treated your DS so badly.

That's shit and I'd be hurt. That would be the last time I'd be sending cards and gifts and messages (certain to the adults anyway).

it depends what you want your relationship with your family to be like afterwards.

Since they're fuckers, in your shoes i'd just say: don't be such a fucker, you did that to me and now you're doing it to my kids too. and then very LC going forward. And deffo no acknowledgement of anyone's birthday from you.

This bit about the 3rd child is bollocks - for THEM it's clearly true, but my younger brother (9 years my junior) was the 3rd child and he got spoilt rotten! By ALL of us!

That is really bad. I would be upset too.

Er what? You'd be annoyed if your sibling got in touch on your kids birthday to say Happy Birthday. That's weird.

Wow op I would be holding this grudge.. Next birthday you forget also. Then reiterate you forgot... And remind them of their own words.. Come on op your dc doesn't deserve to feel like you do. Be less available and less of a mug forking out for all of them with so little respect for you.