To think I have a really crappy family?

[reallyfedup123]

Little ones birthday today. DH’s family all called really early to chat to him. No one in my side called! I call and send cards and presents regularly to nieces/nephews but not one happy birthday. I just sent a message in my family WhatsApp saying “it’s (name) birthday today!” Should I have done that or just left it? My dad just said we forgot. To think it’s quite awful? He’s the youngest of all the kids and I feel he often gets overlooked compared to the older ones of my siblings.

Afraid I would be calling it out on the family WhatsApp along the lines of

i am really really disappointed in you all but so much for me as I am used to being ignored and forgotten about as the youngest but for my children. Not one of you sent any birthday wishes cards or presents or did a video call. Something I have done for each of your children. To be told by my own parents that they forgot their grandchild birthday and laughing about it is really hurtful. I have decided that from now on I will be following your decision to forget my children’s birthdays and I will now ignore your children’s birthdays

ok cutting is your nose a bit but unless you throw your toys out of the pram it will just continue

I get this 100%. A million % actually. In my case its my much older sister who has forgotten my dcs birthdays for the last umpteen years. I mean big birthdays, 18th and 21st. I never forgot her much older kids birthdays.. ever. Now if i don't make a fuss of her birthday I'm met with amazement and told to get over it.

So yes, keep away from these people. Life is too short.

Tell them how you feel.

Oh and forget their birthdays from now on.

I get you OP, it's no fun being overlooked but when they do it to our children it's a special kind of hurt.

Let go off reasonable expectations from your birth family, you've tried and you can't make them behave nicely. Too bad for them, it's their loss.
From experience, your children are unlikely to miss what they've never had.

Oh, and 100% what @Createausername1970 said:
'If you do say something it probably won't be taken seriously, so from this point forward don't feel obliged to acknowledge other birthdays. If anything is said further down the line just say "I thought we weren't doing presents any more as xx didn't get any"

Some people are just like that I've found. Some will make an effort for birthdays, others will just let it pass. I'm not particularly happy with the lack of attention on DS birthday from one side of my family but I can't change what they do.

I wouldn't stop celebrating nephews or nieces with cards or presents because of the actions of their parents though. As long as the kid appreciates it you're doing it for them.

I actually think I would choose this time to say to one or both of my parents how hurt I was and that I would be stepping back from family occasions from now on. They can laugh all they like - they think you don't mean it. Mean it.
Sounds like you have nice and supportive inlaws. Focus on them.

Agree if you point it out to people like this- they will mock you for being over sensitive, causing upset and it will end up with you being seen as in the wrong with the family -even though you all know there would be anger if you forgot their dcs.

but I would resolve no adult is getting a Christmas or birthday gift from you. The nieces / nephews shouldn’t be punished for their parents lack of grace so I’d still get for them.

if anyone says anything “I didn’t think we were doing gifts anymore as you didn’t get anything for xxxx.”

please focus on your DHs lovely family, let your dcs be surrounded by people who think they are important.

Yep crappy . Let's hope they get their act together when he is older and notices

Birthdays don't mean the same thing jn every family.

Come to think of it, my husband's sisters always send presents to my DC, but my own sibs don't! Never really noticed it.

Sorry you are feeling crap but your kid won't care if you don't make a thing about it.

Crappy family... I'm thinking drugs, violence, abuse, dad gambling away the family home and killing the pet gerbil while high type thing.

Obviously I don’t know the context of all your relationships but wow at going LC for someone forgetting a birthday and then laughing

Is it just birthdays or other things too? Unlike my family, my DH’s family aren’t big on birthdays but are even better to us than my family in many ways I daresay

You are not alone as the youngest I also had this growing up and now my children have similar treatment. I’ve called it out, nothing has changed. As a PP said, change your expectations and your actions accordingly. The latter bit is harder IME.

Really shit. Your poor DS

That's so poor on their part.

If be forgetting to send them a card or gift for Xmas and I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Thank you everyone. He’s 6 today. Birthdays are a big deal on my side of the family (obviously not when it comes to my kids!). They celebrate everything. I do think it’s the sense that I’m not important which has trickled down from my parents and my siblings subconsciously pick up on this.

the person who said she gets annoyed when family call to wish her kids happy birthday - you’re obviously just trying to stir! How can someone be this miserable? If it was real you would just block their number rather than get “annoyed”

But OP will know how her family are and can see a difference on treatment...

Awww. I can see how it would be hurtful to you if you were able to see a big difference.

Sounds as though you should stop bothering about those shitbags then.

Happy Birthday to your little boy

Could you start gushing about your LO's other grandparents and relatives and how wonderful it was that they called and made a fuss. Either guilt them to realising or create a bit of rivalry 😜.

At the very least it might make you feel better to passively aggressively point out how you think your family SHOULD be acting 😂.

'That's not funny, Mum. It's absolutely shit behaviour, and deeply hurtful for me and your grandchild. It makes me feel like I should just stop bothering with you in future if you're going to do things like this.'

I’m in a similar position. I have a young child and both my and my partners siblings have much older later teen/early 20’s children.

Their children were indulged at every opportunity by our parents. They received way more gifts and support. We receive virtually nothing.

It has been the same from the outset. When their children were born they got given almost everything. We didn’t receive so much as a baby grow. They had full time free childcare from grandparents while their children were young, we haven’t had a single day offered to us.

We have also been very generous with our sibling’s children. This has included taking them on holiday and relatively expensive days out. In return our child doesn’t even get a birthday card from them.

I suspect it is because they know we are financially secure but it really isn’t all about the money.

The end result is that we have fairly minimal contact with most family members. I’m pretty sure my child could walk past my partner’s siblings and they wouldn’t even recognise them.

It's both normal and healthy for aunties and uncles to make a fuss of their nieces and nephews.

Me and my brother always contacted each other and later the kids directly to wish them a happy birthday. We are all a close family though and our now adult children have lovely relationships with their aunts and uncles.

You’re from a weird family.

it's not "forgetting" one birthday. It is a lifetime of OPs birthdays and occasions being overlooked, and her multiple DCs birthdays being overlooked - even though she has stepped up for all of them.

And they laugh at her hurt? fuck yes, I'd just drop the rope and leave them to it, and concentrate on my in-laws who aren't fuckers.

Even my wedding day, no one helped or made any “fuss” leading up to the day. I did everything on my own when it was my siblings there was so much fun and lovely atmosphere

YANBU they sound shit.

I’d actually be more annoyed that they admitted that they forgot!

Why not say they were just about to phone or something or at least be very apologetic about it!