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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder where you'd say this person is from

84 replies

ClickClop · 26/11/2023 16:10

This is about my sons gf - she knows I'm posting and is ok with it.

Where would you say this person is "from"

She was born in Country A, this country gives passports to anyone born there, but neither of her parents are from there and she only lived there until she was 2, has a passport from this country

Mother is from Country B - lived there for 2 years when a child, has a passport from this country

Father is from Country C - lived there for 2 years when a child, has a passport for this country

Has been living in country D for 4 years since turning 18 - the longest she has lived in any country

The 12 unaccounted years of childhood were spent between 5 other countries 2-3 years in each.

She speaks 3 languages with similar prominence, if asked what her "mother tongue" was she would say I don't know, at home she spoke language 1 with one parent language 1 with the other and 3 was the language they spoke between them.

DH is adamant she is from country A, always tells people this.
I'm not sure this is the right choice and the girl herself just says European and answers the specifics if asked more

AIBU to want to know where most would say she is from?

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 26/11/2023 16:12

Yes, YABU.

Hellocatshome · 26/11/2023 16:13

I wouldn't say she is from anywhere in particular as its not your place to decide and if she doesnt introduce herself as being from any particular country, neither should you.

ElevenSeven · 26/11/2023 16:13

Not really from anywhere

Original poster
ClickClop · 26/11/2023 16:14

VickyEadieofThigh · 26/11/2023 16:12

Yes, YABU.

She is ok with me posting and genuinely curious herself as to what people would say!! I'm not just being intrusive

OP posts:
MrsHughesPinny · 26/11/2023 16:15

If I was her I’d say I’m a citizen of the world, born in A country with B and C heritage. How lucky to have had such opportunities! I’m jealous! You don’t need to be ‘from’ anywhere.

Dartmoorcheffy · 26/11/2023 16:16

She was born in A, with B and C heritage. I think.

Seeline · 26/11/2023 16:16

I would say country A by birth, but that doesn't mean that's where you would 'feel' was home.

titchy · 26/11/2023 16:16

Well obviously it's up to her what she identifies as her home country, but assuming she lived with both parents equally, she'd presumably been raised culturally as a mix of B and C so I'd say either or both of those.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/11/2023 16:17

She doesn’t have to be ‘from’ any individual country so I wouldn’t say she is ‘from’ anywhere. Saying she was born in X but moved a lot and has lived all over Europe is surely sufficient enough to say if anyone did ask, why do you feel it needs to be a one country answer?

threecupsofteaminimum · 26/11/2023 16:18

What does it matter where someone is 'from?'

CatherinedeBourgh · 26/11/2023 16:19

What my dc answer - a bit of everywhere and a bit of nowhere. European sounds about right, if several of the countries are in Europe.

It's more and more common these days. Dh and I have two nationalities each, dc were born in a country that isn't any of those, and have the passport from it. Dc says he feels the most affinity for another two countries, neither of which he has a passport from...

Original poster
ClickClop · 26/11/2023 16:20

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/11/2023 16:17

She doesn’t have to be ‘from’ any individual country so I wouldn’t say she is ‘from’ anywhere. Saying she was born in X but moved a lot and has lived all over Europe is surely sufficient enough to say if anyone did ask, why do you feel it needs to be a one country answer?

I don't, DH is autistic and struggling with the concept of her not being from anywhere. So we thought we'd ask. Obviously she will continue to identify as she always.

OP posts:
VisionsOfSplendour · 26/11/2023 16:20

If whatever she says but I wouldn't think I it matters

powershowerforanhour · 26/11/2023 16:22

She's a proper world citizen, but if I had to say something I'd say A, assuming she can speak one of the official languages of A.

easylikeasundaymorn · 26/11/2023 16:25

Either country A or country D, (or both) whichever she personally would prefer. I wouldn't personally consider her to be from either country b or c just because her parents were or because she speaks the language - I'd say she has B or C ancestry/background but if she wasn't born there and hasn't lived there for any particular length of time I wouldn't consider her to be that nationality.

But basically it's up to her - if she feels 'European, I've lived a lot of different places' sums her up fair enough. What does she put on drop down forms when you have to choose 1 nationality, out of interest?

PuttingDownRoots · 26/11/2023 16:28

All over.

I think its hard for people brought up mainly in one place to understand... its not just where you were born, or where your parents were born, or where you live. Its a culmination of everything.

My DD doesn't identify with her birth country at all. She would describe herself as British... but doesn't feel like she comes from anywhere. Maybe she will as she gets older.

Original poster
ClickClop · 26/11/2023 16:28

easylikeasundaymorn · 26/11/2023 16:25

Either country A or country D, (or both) whichever she personally would prefer. I wouldn't personally consider her to be from either country b or c just because her parents were or because she speaks the language - I'd say she has B or C ancestry/background but if she wasn't born there and hasn't lived there for any particular length of time I wouldn't consider her to be that nationality.

But basically it's up to her - if she feels 'European, I've lived a lot of different places' sums her up fair enough. What does she put on drop down forms when you have to choose 1 nationality, out of interest?

Just asked and she said
"If other is an option other, otherwise whichever of A,B or C seems most beneficial at the time"

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 26/11/2023 16:28

the girl herself just says European

Then that's the answer.

Cherryana · 26/11/2023 16:28

Well this is an interesting question.
Does she feel like she is from nowhere or everywhere?

Doggymummar · 26/11/2023 16:29

I would say I was born in Spain, but we travelled a lot as a child. My parents now live in Cuba and I consider that to be home.

Original poster
ClickClop · 26/11/2023 16:31

Cherryana · 26/11/2023 16:28

Well this is an interesting question.
Does she feel like she is from nowhere or everywhere?

Edited

It's not meant in that way at all. It all started as she has a slight accent (not a defined place accent just not British I guess?) and the neighbour overheard, said it sounded beautiful and DH said country A (the neighbour asked DH as she'd gone inside). I heard this and asked why he said that and it spiralled into a deep convo about it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClickClop · 26/11/2023 16:33

Cherryana · 26/11/2023 16:28

Well this is an interesting question.
Does she feel like she is from nowhere or everywhere?

Edited

She says she doesn't feel like anywhere is home, certainly not A as she doesn't remember living there and has only been back a few times. She says she just feels European with a bit of everything else.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 26/11/2023 16:35

Fil was in the army so dh has lived all over. He sometimes answers this question with "everywhere" and sometimes he says, born in X country and moved around a lot but lived here for 20 years now.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/11/2023 16:36

She's European then isn't she.

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 26/11/2023 16:53

On official forms, what does she list her nationality as?